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Anonymous
Dealing with fear involving relationships 2017-03-10 12:48:58 Post No. 18113973
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Dealing with fear involving relationships 2017-03-10 12:48:58 Post No. 18113973
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I've been in a relationship for about 2 years now, it's had it's ups and downs ons and offs but we genuinely do love each other very much and put in a lot of effort. My insecurities and anxieties stemmed from the fear of being hurt by someone, I have a very soft heart and have trouble dealing with long terms of sadness/distress. I know that's just part of the whole relationship game, the risk of being hurt so deeply and the danger of opening yourself up to someone like that, especially since this is my first real honest deep relationship. How do I accept or get over this fear?
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>trusts the partner
>doesn't trust the partner
Which is it? Have you talked to them about it? Have you told them from where those issues you have stemmed from?
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I am the same way, Anon. What I've learned is that don't get over it. You have to give it a voice. These are the very things that are shared with your SO. To be vulnerable with her and to have her accept you with these traits is what makes a significant other. If she has a problem with this, then she's not the one and then that's when you move on...
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>>18113984
>>18113985
Yeah we talk, she's very (idk how to phrase it) cut and dry about it, she says there's no point in focusing on it and letting insecurities ruin a great relationship is dumb,I wholeheartedly agree, besides therapy (which I'm resuming later this month) I'm just looking for more insight on it
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>>18113998
This will be a problem desu.
If you haven't shown her that this is truly important to you as you've stated before, then try to do that. But if she knows, yet she cuts you off that right there is a problem.
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>>18114015
Idk, she says she empathizes and understands where I'm coming from, but at the same time she has very low tolerance for insecurities anymore. I can understand getting fed up with it, I myself don't want to be coddled it'd be nice if she was a bit more soft on the issue and I'll express it but yknow, it's fair
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>>18114026
So you've brought it up often enough. I get that.
I'd say there's no other advice on accepting it than taking the plunge and leaving yourself in the arms of the partner. Think of it as this: if they betray you, it's not your fault because it's simply not - it's them being a shitty person that's about it. You should be more confident in your ability to trust her (not blindly of course, she earned your trust, no?).
Life is good and bad anon, accept the fact that you will be hurt by people over and over again. That's just normal. Accept the pain rather than the fear of being hurt.
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>>18114056
Well, this aligns with my correct practices in some light Buddhism stuff I guess I'll have to dive in a bit deeper
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