I shared my gf's rape story, why am I retarded

>>18112597
bump

I am just dumbfounded. I have no advice to offer you

>>18112597
>even of it was for good intentions like this

What was the good intention?

My girlfriend was raped. Sometimes I tell people on here about how I reacted on finding out, how we've coped, and the aftermath that we've dealt with together, but it's always me sharing the story that belongs to me, not sharing her story, and it's always in an anonymous setting.

And every time I tell it, it's because I see some other guy struggling to cope with the knowledge that someone they care about has had something bad happen to them, and notice that they're falling in to the trap of making it about themselves, and not realizing that no, it's not about them, there is nothing they can or should do than offer support, the other person is the one who suffered, it's not their burden to try to fix and they have no right to try to do so. I do not share her experiences so I can gain credibility or shock value or anything--those stories are not what I've experienced and I have no right to them--I purely share my OWN experiences on the subject.

. If you can't conceptualize the fact that we all have a right to our own stories and our own secrets, It sounds like you have a certain lack of empathy when it comes to things like secrets. I think you might need to be shocked in to realizing it.

People don't naturally fear fire, until the first time they stick their hand in it and get burned.

You might need someone to royally fuck you over by sharing a secret that you're terrified or mortified of finding out, so that you get a sense of how shitty it can be when it happens to you.

>>18112597
Only advice I can provide you here is to get checked for autism

>>18112626
you know, you have a very good point. I thought it would be right for me to mention it to illicit some type of support or sympsyhy for her. she didn't want to report it, and she only told few people like me. she talked me out of killing the perpetrator.
perhaps I was being selfish about this. I thought I was not really helping by just talking to her about it. I felt like as her boyfriend I need to do more. especially when a guy here pointed out that Instead of not doing anything I should fight the perpetrator. but I was wrong. I assumed because your average person will have the heart to care for sex abuse victims, that this is a secret that won't be as detrimental to reveal. but as before I made my OP in this thread, I realized: I was applying my own logic to other people's lives. I was making her situation my situation. I didn't listen to her when she said she's fine just talking to me about it
>>18112629
>>18112623
am I evil to you two?

Why would you think that's okay??

>>18112672
see >>18112657

>>18112597

If my bf went around on social media sharing personal things I'd told him in confidence, I'd dump his ass. This is seriously not okay. I recommend you go to your girl and beg for forgiveness on your knees, because you've quite possibly just destroyed her trust in you. It would hurt if a friend stabbed you in the back like that and betreyed your trust, but a significant other doing it is in a world of its own.

>>18112689
I actually did that 30 minutes ago. she admitted she was mad, but when I explained I didn't tell people we know, didn't describe the details, and that these people didn't judge her and actually supported her, she actually got less upset.
I told her she has a right to punch me in the face and kick my Balls, but she said she didn't want to. she said that won't fix any thing. she said she'd get over it. I don't know. but I'm ready to take a blow, I deserve it, I was being foolish by trying to help her in my own retarded way. just because she could use support doesn't mean I should tell people

>>18112689
how do I remind myself to empathize? I didn't spend a lot of time with people growing up, and even then I did things robotically. is there training I can do to not be selfish and not apply not own logic on others? I recognize people may react differently to things but my mind applies my own logic to them which is not right and caused situations like these, where even me trying to help backfired

>>18112597
That's the kind of information you don't share without the express permission and blessing of your partner, anon.
It's not something people want floating around. She probably wants to forget it most of the time and now she's gonna have folks bring it up.

>>18112597
By suffering the consequences of violating other people's boundaries. Apologise to your gf and promise not to do that again.

My boyfriend left me alone after surgery and gave a total stranger he met through a friend of a friend keys to our home. I got raped while he was on vacation banging a Mexican chick. We stayed together and are now engaged, but it definitely makes a relationship hard sometimes. There is a lot you have to work through.

>>18112717
>I told her she has a right to punch me in the face and kick my Balls

Dude what is wrong with you? Everything you say is strange. Have you been checked for autism?

>>18112792
I know this sounds rich coming from me, but he sounds worse than me. if I was somehow the cause of my girlfriend being raped is kill myself from the guilt. what led to him giving your keys to a stranger?
>>18112885
I don't know, I felt guilty about what I did. I felt like I deserved punishment.

>>18112657
>I assumed because your average person will have the heart to care for sex abuse victims, that this is a secret that won't be as detrimental to reveal.

Look man, a big part of the trauma of rape is often the feeling of absolute loss of power that accompanies everything else.

They get put in a position where they are terrified out of their mind because no matter what they do, how hard they struggle, they no longer have any power over what's happening to them, and then in spite of that, are violated anyway.

This can create an absolute sense of powerlessness and make them feel like their capacity to choose what happens in their life is non existent.

So...

What you usually want to avoid with rape victims, is exactly what most guys seem to do instinctively: which is try to take over the victims lives, treat them like children, and then take away MORE of their choices.

>>18112717
I seriously think you need to get checked for some sort of mental disorder. This isn't how normal people respond, and frankly, suggesting that someone who was brutally assaulted take their anger out on you by in turn physically assaulting you (though in a lesser manner) is really fucked up.

I used to struggle with an eating disorder, which is an intensely personal thing. My best friend is occasionally a total sperg who doesn't get boundaries, and she's twice told other people about my ED like it's some sort of quirky fun fact to help get to know me. It made me feel somewhat violated to have my personal shit laid out to strangers. I can't imagine how upset and angry I'd be if it had been about rape. I don't know that I'd break up with you if I were your gf since I don't know what else your relationship is like, but what you did was shitty, and I wouldn't blame your gf if she decided she's done with your dumb ass. General rule, if it's something that is intensely personal, good or bad, or if it's something you yourself wouldn't want shared by someone else, don't fucking say it. It's not your place. Especially not in some fucking facebook comment. Seriously, how fucking old are you that you don't get this shit?

>>18112597
Don't use Facebook retard

>>18112952
kek