My GF has been working 12 hours a day, 5 days a week for the

Doesn't sound like she takes your relationship seriously at all senpai, when she gets to pick (for the second time) between two work schedule and chooses the one that eats almost all of your together time - all without a word to you.

It's not a good sign no matter how you look at it. She doesn't value you and what you have together, at the very least as much as she should after 2.5 years together, I'd be pissed as well.

Do you have any problems in your relationship, that she could be trying to get away from? How good is your communication in general? It's hard for me to see it as anything other than a deliberate decision on her end to spend as little time with you as possible, the question is why that might be.

What I am wondering is what she seems to be hiding. There has to be a reason she is taking those extreme and unnecessary hours when living in a free house and already with savings. It does not seem like she is saving money for anything. And what makes it worse is that you said she was super defensive and angry over you complaining that she spends too much time at work. You are awake 16 hours a day, that is only 4 hours a day out of working for her, and that is without subtracting for travel and getting ready before work. Why is she so defensive and persistent on taking these major hours? Is she even at work for 12 hours? It sounds like she is just making up being at work for 12 hours and is spending 4 hours elsewhere. She won't talk to you at a lazy job, spends an extremely large amount of hours there, gets super defensive, has no defense to why she does it, and has no reason to spend that long there financially. Man up and ask her what is up and why is she taking such an extremely large amount of extra hours, and if she says "Do you think I'd really rather be at work, having to cancel dates than with you?" again, say "If not, then what reason would you take the extra hours? What reason is more important at work than spending time with your own boyfriend?". Find out what the fuck she is hiding.

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>>18112421
>Do you have any problems in your relationship
Nah, things have actually been great. If anything, it's maybe her anxiety towards the future - moving out of her parents, marriage, etc.

>How good is your communication in general?
It's...okay for most things, not great I'd say in the sense that she really does not take criticism well, ESPECIALLY not from me. When we fight, she'll ignore my messages for days. I've told her that that's really not cool, but she continues to do it. We fight very infrequently though so I don't see it as a huge problem at the moment.

>>18112424
Yeah, she works in a weird industry. She's a background actress, so these film companies hire her for the day, and she literally has no idea how long she'll be working that day, or how frequently they'll be using her in scenes. This specific show she's working on now is a bit different than most TV/Movies she does since it's 4 months of solid work, but most of the time she doesn't even get the work request until the night before, which makes trying to schedule things a nightmare. To be honest, I think it's the shittiest working situation ever and I'd never do it, but it doesn't seem to bother her.

>Man up and ask her what is up and why is she taking such an extremely large amount of extra hours
This is basically what our argument was about last year. It's really strange to me as well, but it's like she has this mindset that she can't turn down working hours. I think the problem is that her job is literally just sitting there talking to her work friends, reading, or playing boardgames for 90% of the day, so it's not shitty enough of a time to motivate her to choose to turn down some extra money, even if it ruins 30% of the year.

>>18112424
Also, you touched on a good point actually. She's AT WORK for 12 hours (they feed them for free on set), that doesn't count travel which is usually 30-45 mins, they go to remote locations sometimes for certain scenes, and she notoriously sleeps for about 10 hours a night. If you're doing the math there, that's about an hour of waking free-time per day (though from her perspective, most of her 12 hour day probably feels like free-time, just not with me).

>>18112448
This is
>>18112424
If she works as a background actress and can take different jobs with less hours, it still sounds like she has the choice. It sounds kinda like she has choices between multiple jobs and for some reason she keeps choosing the longest working one. Ask her if she knows when this show is going to be done recording so you can at least know when she chooses the next schedule and you two have time before she chooses another set to work on. I see why she is stuck with those hours, she works on a show so she has to stay in it until they are finished, but when a show is done and she goes to chose another show's set to work on, she still makes the choice. Ask her if she is going to work extra hours after this show is over too or if she can try to work less to spend time with each other. This argument has been used back then when working men worked too much to support their family and house wives complained to them to take time off work to spend time together. She just needs to get a better schedule after this show.

Maybe she's trying to save up for a house a promotion or something, you have to work in life.

12 hours for 5 days isn't even that bad.

Quit moaning you little bitch

>>18112453
Yeah you've got the idea, they have to keep her in the show for continuity once she starts working on a new season (even though continuity for background actors is pretty laughable, it's actually a challenge to find her when we know where she's going to be in shows). And yeah, she definitely had a choice not to take this when she started it, she knew it was going to be 4 months long, and she knew it was going to be 12 hour days again. Thanks for the idea, I'll definitely ask her if she can seriously tone down the hours after this show's over. This specific show probably won't start filming again for another year after this, so she'll probably go back to her sporadic, never knowing where/when she'll be working, but less than 40 hours a week.

>>18112455
If she is, she's never mentioned it to me so I'd doubt it. I work less than 40 hours a week and make more than enough for both of us, though buying a house here would be really rough.

Sounds like she lives too much of a busy life to have a gf anymore, or even her own will. She's probably just a control freak on her own life right now.. But WHATEVER reason it is

We are sure of one thing and one thing only

You are NOT her number 1 priority, and it doesn't seem like you're a high priority anyhow.

Perhaps after 2 years she's growing complacent, and starts putting you down on the scale, and, while understandable, is a pretty shitty thing to do to a guy like you, that sounds like he still wants love and still wants to feel like he has a gf.

I'd say talk to her about it, try to figure it out, and if she doesn't reciprocate move on.

But remember actions speak louder than words, she didn't even think of you she just went for it, the mere action of doing such a huge thing and not have you in her mind?.. yeeeah, that alone is saying so much about how much she care, and if there's one thing I learned from my own relationships, with friends or girlfriends, is that you can't ask for care.

No matter how much you'll plea for care and respect, those are two things you cannot ask for - simply because they'll never work

If someone disrespects you or doesn't care for you enough most likely they will never change their opinion on you if they've known you for a while.

Good luck! - guy who had two disrespectful friends for years and two relationships end because of a lack of care near the end.

>>18112384
Maybe she's sacrificing herself now, so she can provide abundantly for your future kids together...

>>18112455
>I'm a proud slave !

>>18112559
That was really well-said, I've been feeling like that's the case for a while now unfortunately. Part of it is just her personality, I don't think she really respects anyone. The other part is likely that I've changed/grown a ton since we started dating, perhaps like you said, she still sees/treats me like the overgrown boy I was years ago. Besides the significantly-increased job opportunities for her (she got enough acting credits to join some union last year) she's still pretty much in the same situation as when we started dating.

>>18112569
It's possible, and that's been my preferred way of thinking about it so far. If that's the case though, than I think we have very different weights on what's important right now in our relationship. Besides the fact that we're still quite a ways away from having kids, between my job, both our savings, and her parents being pretty independently wealthy, the more I think about it, the more I feel like this probably isn't the case. I value our time together waaaay more than what she's earning by working these extra hours, to the point where it's not even a question.