Can't enjoy living pt.1

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So there is this girl I first met in Middle School something like 6 years ago.By the time I didn't even noticed her, more likely I didn't notice or was interested in any girl.So she had just arrived in my country(this beautiful and fucked place called Brazil).She came from Portugal,so language wasn't a problem for her.We both live very close, something like 300 meters, and I discovered it when she started to take the same bus as me.Middle School ended and I didn't even said a "hi" for her.I was and I still am a coward when it is about girls,nothing that I gave so much care,but I think I should.

So I entered High School and discovered she was in the same school as me,but this time I felt something for her that I cannot describe.This feeling that makes your stomach vibrates and your heartbeat accelerate,I think people call it falling in love.But as usual,I tried to not give it so much attention.I think it's kinda like normal for guys who aren't exactly blessed with a good genetic to try to avoid this because you know that you're going to be disappointed.

But with a second of courage I called her on Facebook.She responded and we started messaging.In school I started talking to her and again we were taking the same buses.By the time it was all about being friends I thought.But fuckin fellings happened and I told her what I was felling about her.She told me the usual bullshit that girls talk to a guy when they want to say no but in a sweet and friendly way.But in my mind I didn't accepted that,not the way I think I should.So after about 8 months of talking to her I stopped.I stopped answering her messages and started to ignore her when she came talk to me.The last time we spoke I said to her that it was best for both of us to not talk anymore,not even be friends.She said that I was acting like a child and she couldn't simply starting wanting to me be more than a friend to her,she couldn't like me the eay I liked her.After that we never talked again.