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Every day I feel like I'm walking a thin line between forced positive thoughts and intense self-loathing. I figured a lot of it was from my work environment, so I quit almost two weeks ago, but it hasn't gotten any easier. Arguably worse.
If someone asks how my day was, I always say good, and it feels like it has been a good day because I haven't worked or exerted myself, but I can tell that isn't what a normal person would think. You don't lay in bed and ruminate over insecurities, or think of killing yourself, or crave very bad drugs on a good day, but I do.
It's hard to be happy at all anymore. If I hear some good news, and get something to look forward to in the day, it makes me feel good for a minute. Then the enjoyment just seeps out of it and I'm back to a baseline grey feeling. Like no matter what happens I'll still be me afterwards.
This post feels shitty and I know no one likes to answer these threads, but I want to get it out there, sorry.
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>>18110573
friendly neighbourhood bump, friend
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No one here can definitively tell you, but in my opinion I would say yeah. Still the only way to find out for sure is to get a shrink and try some things out.
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>>18110573
OP, I advise to stop the forced positive thoughts, and accept the shittiness of life. When you truly express all your emotions, you become happier by itself. Feel like shit? Be like shit, it usually lasts a day. Feel like crying? cry. Feel like getting ur problems out there? talk with someone, feels freeing. When you stop thinking about being happy and just most effort into useful things like hobbies, socializing, diet, workout, it will come by itself
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>>18110707
But the people around me act so negative all of the time. Constant arguments and bitching and shit talk. Maybe this is normal and I just internalize everything, but it feels very selfish. I've always been sensitive to that stuff. If I hear two people I know arguing about something completely unrelated to me, it makes me feel so anxious and hurt.
>>18110692
I need a job before I can see anyone. That is what I need to do, but the thought of telling this to another actual person scares me.
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>>18110573
No one can diagnose you over the Internet. Anti-depressants work. Talk to a doctor.
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