Urgent love advice needed

Please help, I really appreciate any input

>>18110355
She sounds like she's seriously fucked up inside man. If you love the girl, try to talk it through. Say that you can't leave her alone, and that she seriously means alot to you. Say that if she wants to end it slowly, then thats ok, but that you cant just leave her alone if she suddenly wants to stop. Tell her how much you care about her.

Maybe she's letting you off easy by saying this stuff. If you feel she's truly interested in you, then she's got to sort some shit out first. Sounds like she had a terrible breakup or something.

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>>18110435
She didn't have just one terrible breakup, she had several consecutive awful breakups in a very short time period, which left her traumatized and extremely afraid of loving other people again. It seems like this is the reason she wants to end this. She still likes me but she doesn't want to get hurt again, she says this would be a especially bad time since it'd get on the way of her university. And she also said that she does believe I wouldn't hurt her, but she is afraid that she would be the one to hurt me since we have "very conflicting differences" (never clarified what they were)

I considered she was just letting me off easy, that was my first thought. But I told her: "Look, if you simply stopped liking me or you started liking someone else, I understand completely and I'll accept it easily. But the reasons you are giving me make me feel as if this is wrong or just incomplete. Are these really your reasons or are you just disguising something else?" and she insisted that she wasn't liking anyone else and that she was really simply scared because of her past experiences.

>>18110422
I want to do that, I really want to tell her today "Can we talk? Over phone preferably... There's something annoying me". But I'm afraid she'll say "No", or that even if she says "Yes" I'll just come across as needy and make her disgusted at me.

>>18110440
I have no idea what advice to give, this sounds like something straight out of a movie.

>>18110486
That's a valid comparison. I am just way too insecure to do anything other than to suffer in silence. That's why I want advice

Help

>>18110440
You can't worry about being seen as needy. If you wait in silence, you'll lose the chance to tell her how you feel. I say, bite the bullet since you seem to want this badly. Tell her you can take whatever shit she dishes out. And then do that, because woo boy it sounds like she needs time to heal.

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>>18111185
I'm very likely to sound desperate but welp, I guess I'll try. Messaging her now.

>>18111293
Maybe you gotta build up the trust between you and her a little bit more. Start messaging her again, tell her how your day went even if she doesn't reply. Suggest her to go out to your favourite cafe, and so on. Let her understand that she can relax around you and that you're not like her previous exes.
I've experienced a painful breakup, too, so I'd need to build up my trust to a person so I know he wouldn't hurt me.

Op. I used to be exactly like your female friend there. Heartbreak after heartbreak, letdown after consecutive letdown in short periods of time. I just wanted to find someone worth marrying and settling down with, so often I'd break up with someone if he displayed traits I wasn't looking for.

I found someone who I was with in a LDR for two years. I tried breaking up so many times but we'd always get back together again and mend ourselves. That was a LDR and it was doomed from the start, because I lived in Pennsylvania, he in Arizona, and there was no realistic prospect of ever living together. Also he had some traits that I didn't see us meshing together with. We were both miserable. Human touch is irreplaceable and I just needed it. That "relationship" finally ended one time. (I'm just proving a point that I was with a guy who I could essentially break up whenever with, mostly because I felt trapped in something that didnt even feel like a real relationship).

But then I eventually, after giving myself time to heal, I met someone irl who I actually felt myself falling in love again. But there were some issues: in my gut I felt overwhelmingly scared and anxious. So I broke up for no good reason. Surprise surprise he cut contact and didn't want to get back together (unlike my ex).

And then I realized: I only did it for the attention. I did it because I wanted the boy to chase me. I wanted to be wanted. This is all to give you perspective on the complex female mind, and maybe your girl thinks like me. She's obviously got issues.

Because love is about bearing your heart and soul in a way that is honestly terrifying. I get it. It's scary. But it's also about trust. She is indicating that she's insecure AND doesn't trust you (probably doesn't trust herself either) because she refuses to give you a chance if she truly loves you. She can overcome the fear of opening her heart to you by trusting you wholly on this.

>>18111185
>>18111352
Messaged her asking if we could talk, she said yes, so I called her and we talked to clarify it up.

We'll stay friends apparently. I asked if she still liked me, she said "I don't like you as much as I wish I would like" and explained that we have some differences that would lead to conflicts in relationships such as how she loves parties and I don't. I said that's such a small problem that we could easily overcome, but she said that she can't take any risks on getting hurt because she is finally able to focus on college, and if anyone hurts her she would have another depression crisis and be unable to focus. She said that when she likes someone and that person reciprocate she prefers not to talk to that person since it's not good for her health, so she wouldn't blame me if I stopped talking to her.

It's just weird. She said she liked me one week ago, she invited me out Monday and we had a lot of fun. By Tuesday she doesn't like me anymore (or "not as much as I wish I would").

This sounds, smells and looks like a friendzone situation, but the entire context behind it (her fear of being depressed) makes me think there's more behind it. I'll probably just stay friends with her and see what happens, maybe reduce contact with her gradually and see how she reacts.

>>18111390
Well, considering what just happened I think the situation is a little different, I wish she just wanted me to chase her but it seems like the genuinely lost interest in me between Monday and Tuesday. She probably forced herself to do that since she is afraid and such. Or maybe she genuinely doesn't want to be with someone who isn't a party animal?

Love sucks and is confusing, damn it

>>18111423
Way too many mixed signals, no idea what to do.

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Fag

Been with a girl like this before. Eventually, she'll dig herself into a hole. You'll keep feeding her ropes and ladders and shit but theyre invisible to her and then she'll yell at you for not helping her. Unless you know how to actually help her mental state, just let it pass.

>>18110355

OP! ´;uusten jhere. I'M; from (POL/ and I might eb a bi drunk.

Womenn hate üissies like you! She isn't sure wether opr mpt it woi,dlld work out, she is sure that you#re afucking wiener! There ios no just "talking over th pone" wiht women.

You gotta be more assertiveit and everything will llllwork out.

>>18111556

I'm I'm >>18111390
Youre entirely right. This was my point. I didn't realize I was digging myself deeper and deeper into aloneness

>>18110355

OP listen up if i conviced a girl that had a bf of 7 years to cheat with me you can convince a girl to go out with you, and im not even good at flirting with girls dude

You have to take the lead and make her believe she has the choice to leave whenever she wants, make a plan, think ahead of 5 texts and make a reply for every possible reply she can give you to deliver what you want

Im not sure if im being clear, but think about her as a reward you have to get right now and you must try everything

you have to cross a minefield and you have to plan every step you make and if you fuck up it can cost you, good luck

>>18110355
You have to insist, in a positive romantic way.

You gotta have attitude, but at the same time not be annoyning.

Either that, or it's all over.

>>18111423
She is just convincing herself here she doesnt want to be with you when she most likely wants to but i guess you already know this

as i said in my previous post if you actually want her plan out everything you are going to do from now on

>>18110355
The situation feels a bit robotic/desperate where you have to sit her down and convince her to get with you just because she showed a fleeting amont of attention.