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> female mid 20s, above average, career driven, a little sheltered,

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> female mid 20s, above average, career driven, a little sheltered, and more than likely undiagnosed aspie.
> decide to start dating
> same feedback: cold, robotic, not affectionate, bad conversationalist and communicator, competitive, arrogant.
> I want to change without too much compromise to my real self.

I want to be normal. any tips, resources anything would be highly appreciated.
>>
>>18109810
> I want to change without too much compromise to my real self.
You can't. All of these
>cold, robotic, not affectionate, bad conversationalist and communicator, competitive, arrogant.
are fundamental flaws that make someone undesirable as a partner
>>
>>18109818
thanks edgelord
supporting evidence?
>>
>>18109828
People don't like you. Isn't that evidence enough?
>>
>>18109810
That is simply those people/persons opinion of you. Yes you should try to improve things and go outside of your comfort zone, but don't change in order to be with people. Change for you.
>>
>>18109828
How about the fact that no one likes you?

If you want someone to coddle you, go to Reddit or something
>>
Do you care about other people? Do you feel genuine interest in the people you try to date? Do you show that you like them?
>>
>>18109810
You sound like me except you're actually interested in dating. Just look at your coworkers and friends and imitate what they do. It's not really that hard. You can't make yourself be affectionate or noncompetitive but you can act like you aren't. Aside from landing a dude, if you can fake being friendly it'll help your career prospects too. Good luck babe, make lots of money and climb the ladder.
>>
>>18109841
>Do you care about other people? Do you feel genuine interest in the people you try to date? Do you show that you like them?

yes I do, but I don't know how to show affection, and feel uncomfortable with too many physical compliments
>>
>>18109843
thanks lady! I think early in my career I learned to not be seen as feminine in order to be taken seriously. saying that I'm not incredibly mature in that sense. I'm naive about all matters relating to the opposite gender. I want to soften around the edges.. learn to be easy going outside of work (which has been my top priority to date).
>>
>>18109810
Date a 4chan cuck
>>
>>18109858
You sound quite cold and analytical- is it possible you could go to a psychologist or something?
>>
>>18109810
I love intj women.
>>
>>18109864
No, that's completely understandable. It's hard to be taken seriously when you're a woman, especially a young woman. You have more to prove than anybody else there. The thing is, results mean a lot in a career, being the most efficient and the hardest worker is great and everything, but people, namely the people who are going to be handing you promotions, want people around them they can relate to or who make them feel comfortable. It is really equally important. That was the biggest thing I wish I could have changed about my twenties, it took me way too long to realize work is a social jungle just like high school is, you can't just lone wolf it.

Like I said just study the way people interact and try to apply it to yourself. And you have to practice it, strike up a conversation with your coworkers. Every awkward conversation you have will make your next conversation better. That's what I did, except for me it started in high school. And honestly, most of those people you see who seem really outgoing? They're doing the same thing, they're just really good at it. Being good with people is a learned behavior, at first things will be rocky but as you do it more it'll become second nature.

As far as learning to be easy going... it's a state of mind. You need to be comfortable outside of work and feel like you belong there. I'm still trying to figure out how to do that, lol.

You also mentioned you're a bad conversationalist. It gets way easier when you realize everyone only wants to talk about themselves. They actually drop clues to tell you where they want the conversation to go next. Like when somebody says "Oh yeah, I went to school there, and my daughter is starting there this fall," don't do the natural thing and say "uh huh, cool story bro." He wants to talk about his daughter or his time at school, so ask him about that and satisfy one of his little needs.
>>
>>18109897
> I love intj women.

who are some examples of intj women? what is my fate? should I give up dating?
>>
>>18109920
Well first make sure you are intj.

Second, yeah lol. You're cold to most people and they'll think you're an asshole because you like being quiet and enjoying silence. You also are an idealist and a perfectionist so you're always moving forward while others would rather just sit back and enjoy where they are. Maybe find and INFP dude to dom or an INTJ guy who can go head to head with you. Good luck with that though. Out of everyone I know (friends family) I am only aware of 1 other INTJ. Shit is lonely.
>>
>>18109910
I also had that realization about social dynamics recently. The social hierarchies never end, and you can't let the mask off completely. my ambition can sometimes cross over into inferiority complex of deep routed need to be as good as my counterparts which is just a social construct. I've been reading books on human interaction lols. I'm great in a professional context because I can study the topic at hand, but personally, I'm afraid I might be an empty shell that's been mimicking everything including my personality to date.
>>
>>18109929
I am an INTJ girl.
I have dated 2 INTJs and most of the time it turned into an autism support group.

INFP and ENFJ were more successful for me. Especially with the INFP, I felt really motivated to change the things I didn't like about myself.
>>
>>18109929
I find submissive or wimpy men very unattractive. similarly, I don't like being controlled or dominated by anyone. I literally just want someone that is the middle, and is well adjusted and confident without finding me intimidating.
>>
>>18109940
>autism support group

lol
>>
>>18109864
>I learned to not be seen as feminine

Dating wise that's most likely gonna be a problem, if it's not the problem. Men like feminine women.
>>
>>18109810
> same feedback: cold, robotic, not affectionate, bad conversationalist and communicator, competitive, arrogant.
You should date a weeb, they can't get enough of a chick with severe personality flaws.

Joking aside, I think your best hope would be focusing on what makes you more relaxed/enjoy yourself (be it some specific activity or mood) and then try to find a context where you can find that connection with someone. People will like you better if they see you have a warmer side, even if autism get in the way to that most of the time.
>>
>>18110002
I have no attraction towards weebs. I have no doubt I would bully one if i were to ever be in a relationship with one. I want to change!
>>
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>>18109940
Yeah INTJs and INFPs have a weird bond for some reason. It's like a comfortable afternoon that goes on forever. I love my INFP girlfriend.

>>18109944
Let's be honest, there is no middle in relationships. Everyone says they want it but what they mean is they want a soft complement to their type. That's why I recommend INTJ guys. They'll be comfortable in their own world to the point where they won't be intimidated by you and they'll also get you.

>>18109946
My bad, thought this was 4chan.
>>
OP you sound just like my boyfriend. Somehow we manage to make it work. I don't know what to tell you but just don't give up hope I think there's someone out there for you.

For reference, I am the opposite of how you described. I think you need someone who, instead of being put off by your cold exterior, will challenge you. That's kind of the dynamic in my relationship. We have a lot of conflict but we also have an understanding. Communication is key. I know you said you're "bad" at it, but, it's a skill that gets better with practice.
>>
>>18110480
>Yeah INTJs and INFPs have a weird bond for some reason. It's like a comfortable afternoon that goes on forever. I love my INFP girlfriend.

It feels really transcendental. I don't know how to explain it.
He's the first person that makes me question myself. He's so smart, but in a way that is completely different from me. He's so in touch with himself and everyone around him, and has the right words, the right ways for everything. And you can't just feel uncomfortable around him, he makes me feel like life is easy as long as he's with me.

Literally a 10/10 relationship, I've never loved someone this much.
I didn't honestly think I was capable of loving someone this much.
>>
Two narcissists is like oil and water, you simply don't mix. You need a dependant type. (Note dependants are not inherently weak or whiny)
>>
Just so you know, this personality test everyone's talking about received some criticism..
http://www.businessinsider.com/myers-briggs-personality-test-is-misleading-2014-6
https://www.theguardian.com/careers/careers-blog/myers-briggs-employee-personality-test-accurate
>>
>>18110556
That's sweet anon. I hope the two of you stay together. These types of relationships really are the best.

>>18110671
It has some basis in reality but of course it isn't your whole life.
>>
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>>18109810
> female mid 20s, above average, career driven, a little sheltered, and more than likely undiagnosed aspie.
> decide to start dating
> same feedback: cold, robotic, not affectionate, bad conversationalist and communicator, competitive, arrogant.
> I want to change without too much compromise to my real self.

The problem is that cultural marxists have told you to become these things that a woman is not supposed to be.

No man wants to go out with a woman who is "career driven". Being a breadwinner is the man's job. Taking after the children is the woman's job.

Unfortunately cultural marxism can't change biology.

I'm sorry to tell you something which you'll probably find quite disappointing. But that's the truth.
>>
But why you want to change at all and be a normie?
I really don't get it
Normal people are boring and you shouldn't care about them at all
Though I don't understand dating too, if I were you I would just date with some people with similar personal flaws
And the most important thing - don't try to change yourself
If you are cold and analytic, then just date people tha doesn't mind it
>>
>>18109910
>It's hard to be taken seriously when you're a woman, especially a young woman. You have more to prove than anybody else there.

False; in fact women have "female privilege", and this is evidenced from the fact that they earn more than men throughout their 20s AND 30s!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3214854/Pay-gap-Women-earn-men-till-40s-20-woman-paid-men-age-group-decade.html

This is oppression of men. This is clear sign of the matriarchy at work. We must SMASH the matriarchy so we can destroy oppression once and for all!
>>
>>18110716
Speak for yourself I wouldn't mind being house dad
>>
>>18110735
Enjoy being cucked by your wife with an actual man.
>>
>>18110716
>2017
>being conservative unironically
>using phrase "cultural marxism" unironically
>>
>>18109810
Do not change who you are. Find someone who accepts you for who you are. That is the only way to be happy.
>>
https://www.amazon.com/Journal-Best-Practices-Marriage-Asperger-ebook/dp/B004T4KRJM

Somewhere near the end, the author says, "I stopped trying to be the perfect husband, which freed me to become a much better husband."
>>
You are like the perfect girl for me. Cold, competitive and career driven. Im pretty sure there are other men that like that too, so just try to show more that you like them because it will be hard for them to be sure.
>>
>>18109810
High IQ individuals and people on the spectrum share an extremely high rate of homogeneity in their mates.

You're probably gonna have trouble connecting with someone who isn't high IQ or on the spectrum themselves
>>
Please don't change. I want to find you.

Let's be perfect and build wealth together.
>>
>>18109828
Woah, getting a little defensive there tiger
>>
>now approaching the end of your prime age of reproduction where you will start to lose fertility and have higher chances of birth defects and miscarriages
>spend your entire life trying to become the man you want to have a relationship with
>because you've now attained that status, you want a male who is more successful than you, as is natural
>unfortunately, said successful males would rather date younger and prettier women, as success and education are not necessarily major metrics for males
Congrats, you played yourself.
>>
>>18110939
This situation has always made me laugh.

Women constantly ask "where have all the good men gone" and the answer is always the same "dating better women than you"

Nevermind the fact what they're asking for is a statistical impossibility.
>>
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>>18109810
>change your real self

But your 'real self' is always changing over time anyways, we're simply trying to get you to direct the change instead of letting circumstances direct it.
>>
>>18109810
Find people you connect with instead of trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. Youll probably need to try internet dating.

Im curious: what are your standards? Could you date someone who isn't career-focused like you? How attractive do they need to be? How smart?

There's a market for smart and driven women, but it's just as concealed an unappealing to the average person as you are
>>
>>18110716
Male software engineer here

I'd be more than happy letting someone else make the money while I keep the home clean, cook, and focus on singing.

I'm so fuckin' sick of corporate work and I'm not even 30
>>
>>18111005
Women who work outside while a passive, ambitionless husband sits inside the house all day WILL cheat, possibly leave you.
>>
>>18111021
I believe that just as much as I believe no man would want a career-driven woman

Back to /r9k/ with you
>>
>>18111021
Actually statistics show it's the other way around. SAHD/House husbands are more likely to cheat.

https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/stay-home-dads-affairs-think-js/
>>
>>18111028
I wasn't comparing both.

>>18111027
I live in a fairly traditional place when it comes to gender roles, so maybe my experience is different.
>>
>people talking about meyers-briggs types
You guys know that test is complete bullshit right?
>>
I'm like you and I'm a guy. Software dev recently seeing friend marry and buy homes. I'm not really attracted to most white forks because they go interracial so that grosses me out. I'm about to start looking for a wife with a good career just so I can be really well off money wise. Not having a wife would hinder my greatly financially. I'm good looking and fit too so this won't be hard.
>>
>>18111093
White girls my phones auto correct.
>>
>>18111093
>I'm like you and I'm a guy.
That's because you're a guy. All the qualities that she described are masculine traits. Of course you have those traits, because you're producing roughly 20 times more testosterone than women (because you have testicles), and testosterone is what causes masculine traits such as:

- Difficulty with empathy
- Taking longer to develop social skills
- Taking longer to develop language
- Less eye contact
Etc.

>I'm not really attracted to most white girls because they go interracial so that grosses me out.
What race are you then? Non-white I assume? Otherwise you would be going interracial.

Whatever floats your boat though.
>>
/pol/ is leaking again
>>
>>18111177
I'm white
>>
>>18111229

>I'm white
>but i dont like white girls
>cuz they tend to date non white guys

hmmmm
>>
>>18109818
>>18109828
only undesirable to people who don't share those same traits. and only a bad conversationalist with people who lack similar interests. I'm not convinced of the universality of your claim, and it doesn't match up with my personal experience either.
>>
You're not autistic. So tired of dumb failed queen bees complaining they have autism when it's rare as fuck in girls.

I've got it, guess what, it is fucking debilitating. I've got some friends, sure but I'm not just "awkward" and don't particularly like affection, that's just being a bitch.
>>
>>18109810
take a communications class. take a psychology class, and take a sociology class

work in tramatic/intense environments that will force you to empathize and communicate

if all else files, I hear ECT can temporarily cure autism if it's applied in the right way.

Best of luck Op, and good for you for pushing yourself to be better!
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