My boyfriend and I went from having sex 5+ times almost every day to having sex about once or twice a month. He's definitely not completely to blame, there have been times where I fall into depression or something that puts me out of the mood for awhile and he's always been super understanding, but lately he's just too tired, I will walk around the house all evening in a sexy outfit I obviously put on for him, and he'll comment on how sexy I am, how I'm his fantasy, but by the time we're in bed he essentially touches me enough to get me going then falls asleep.
The thing is, I know he's straight up addicted to porn. He's never hidden it from me, I catch him jacking off in the bathroom in the morning all the time and he doesn't seem ashamed about it (I don't want him to feel ashamed about it), and he admitted early in the relationship he has a daddy/daughter kink which I play along with for him. Occasionally I look at his downloads to see what fetish he's into lately (occasionally I also suggest he put on porn for us to watch while we have sex, which is almost always ends up a huge mistake for me) and it's roughly 40/30/30 between daddy kink, multiple girls on a dick, or violent anal. I already play along with the daddy kink for him, but I'm not interested in the violent anal he's into, and sure as fuck am not interested in sharing him with other women when he's not open to the idea of a serious poly relationship. Most of the porn he watches, I think is just stupid and insulting for me to allow him to project on me. The women in his porn are all pretending to enjoy shit, and I think it's starting to reflect in our relationship because when we DO have sex, there's hardly ANY foreplay on my end, I almost always perform oral on him before we skip straight to penetration and I haven't came from our sex in months. Basically, our sex has gotten MEGA boring and I don't know how to bring that intimacy back without feeling like a fucktoy.
Pic related: intimacy goals
Apologies for the picture that was rightfully removed, perhaps this one is more appropriate.
>>18108660
It seems like the main thing bothering you is pretty much just shit tier sex. Id try talking to him about that first (like try telling him sex is getting bland for you and ask him to do shit that youd actually like, whatever it is) and fixing it, then if the porn thing still seems like a problem, talk about it. If this problem doesn't get resolved you'll probably end up resenting him for it and itll just make everything worse.
>>18108688
Oh wait I completely forgot the first paragraph. Ask him if anythings bothering him first because he could just be too stressed lately, like with work etc. Sex usually slows down a little, but once a month is pretty bad. Is he still affectionate towards you in other ways? (Kissing,cuddling,etc)
>>18108688
I will start voicing my needs more. Maybe even dig up some erotica I do enjoy and share it with him.
>>18108700
Outside of the actual sex, yeah we're still super passionate, lots of deep kisses when he gets home etc. We're really open, I don't know why he would hide something from me because most of the stress he experiences is from stuff we're both going through, like housing, bills, etc. But when we're home together things are usually pretty easy going, we play video games together or work on art or other projects we're passionate about.... There's TONS of passion in the relationship, just not so much in the sex life and it feels like I've done everything but design a role play to lure him into my lions.
>>18108660
men are like dogs. We dont know if something is wrong unless directly told that there is something wrong.
>>18108712
That sounds like a good idea, I dunno if you need to show him the erotica, though, but if you want, go for it. Usually when I tell my boyfriend I want to try something I can just say "hey do you think we can try blabla the next time we do stuff?". I thought itd be awk the first time I wanted to ask for something, but its easy if you're in a serious relationship with someone who wants to please you.
Just try to do it softly. He might get insecure if you say it rudely.
>>18108722
This actually sounds exactly like how my relationship was not too long ago. Id definitely just be upfront about it and say what you want. Thats what worked for me.
>>18108724
He apologizes after sex and says he'll get me off next time. At least a portion of this issue is laziness, I hate to admit. Which is funny because sex is good cardio which is what he knows he needs.
>>18108732
Yeah, like I said we're really open. He knows I'm interested in chicks so we drool over the same asses with each other all the time be it in classical art or a chick in a videogame... But I have been considered that that does make him a little uncomfortable, because sometimes I'm "like a dude." Frankly though that's who I am, I can't change that.
The erotica, I've already mentioned to him some of the camgirls / photographers I enjoy, my biggest worry with that is he'll be like "YEAH let me tie you up and suspend you!" and then the power balance just transferring into a new form that I'll detest even more.
>>18108744
power imbalance, I meant to say.
Basically I want sex that's like a balance between an FKA twigs song and some Uncle Acid and the Deadbeats, but it's like Rammstein's song "Bend Over" is playing on repeat.
>>18108746
>Uncle Acid and the Deadbeats
I like your style
>>18108746
I think it's a mistake to think of ypur sex life in terms of balance of power. All that matters is that you are both getting your needs met. It sounds like his needs are being met (but you should ask him), while yours are not. If he needs to bend you over to get off, let him. Then tell him how to give you pleasure and ask him to do that for you.
Also, you seem squicked out by anal. Is it something you do/are open to, or is it something you would never consider? Not every fantasy of his has to come true, but if he enjoys plowing you, he would probably love plowing your ass. Have you talked about this?