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Anonymous
Where to go with my life? 2017-03-07 11:56:00 Post No. 18107778
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Where to go with my life? 2017-03-07 11:56:00 Post No. 18107778
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Hi,
im currently "studying" economics and i realized im not interested a slightest bit in math related stuff. I picked economics because i was rly unhappy with myself that time ( still am) and thought i needed to grow up and do sth i dont like, Kind of. Now i moved to a new City it has been half a year, i socialized with one Person in this time and spent the rest of the time playing Video games, barely went to University, didnt study at all, i couldnt say i know anything more now than 6 months before, because i really never attended University in a serious manner.
I fear everytime i go to University because People might recognize me that i never interacted with but know everyone else in the class and know that i dont know anyone, and shit like this.
I can numb myself down really good, by just playing Videogames and stuff, and tell myself that im intelligent and Special and that i shouldnt worry about my life because it will be fine and others dont study a lot too and we dont Need the stuff we learn anyways and just get a shitty primitive Job that i dont want anyways and i want to do something else anyways, also self-help-books say that you should think positive, so i end up in front of my Computer playing till 6 am and saying to myself " Its not that bad after all."
Most of the times i feel fine e.g. im not Feeling anything, but now the last days i dropped pc games and actually went to University for a bit, also because i have to visit my Family next week and now i got fear that they may recognize that im a total failure, so this week i got extra Motivation to get my life together. So now that i dropped games i feel the fear more strongly, the fear of everything, that im not a Special snowflake with thoughts noone else has and everyones so stupid and parties, but that im a failure which is detatched from reality and has built itself this Cage in its mind, of calming illusions.
Im really biased, i probably will feel fine in a few days pic unrelated, but
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i dont think its benefitial to feel fine at all, if one has been so utterly unsuccesful like me the last years. The same time though scarecity doesnt bring you anywhere, for me it basically destroyed my life.
So i thought about embracing the scarecity and get rid of all the numbing Things in my life, basically vidya, and throw myself into uncomfortable situations like talking to People, and partying. Tho thats far away from a thriving life, and thriving People dont have those negative selfhating thoughts at all and im not sure if they get you anywhere near your dreams at all, most of those People end up bitter and nihilistic and cynical imo. So scarecity ( i prob write it wrongly the whole time´?)
ah whatever why am i even writing this shit, i gotta start somewhere
So basically the question is where to start, where do i start to get up, i have ideas i want to be, but theyre miles away, ideas like making Music, being a self-help-coach someday after i overcame my own Problems, and studying history and psychology extensively, but because those dreams are extremely far away obviously, it hinders me from taking a step to there because it would mean failure. I dont know, what are your tips on this, really anything could help, i have 2nd thoughts about writing this but i dont wanna delete it, so if you want to say anything or have something in mind for my Problems i lelaborated on, go ahead
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bum
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>>18107778
I cant give you a guide on how to improve your life because I am just 21 and have no clue how my future will end up but i can try to give you some advice:
I think i dont have to mention that your decision to study something that you are obviously not interested in was a mistake and a waste of time.
What you have to do is try to find something you like, something you are passionate about.
Invest time in your passion so you can make a living out of it.
Try to improve yourself by doing new things especially creating stuff like for example try to learn how to cook a new dish every week. This is simple but incredibly satisfying.
You have to realize that there are millions out there just like you who are uncertain of their future and have doubt in themselves. Whats important is that you avoid getting stuck in that phase and stop moving forward
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