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"Ended" things with friend who makes bad decisions

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Hi /adv.

I have a friend who spends a lot of time drinking almost on a daily basis, smoking daily, refuses to try anything "difficult", spend a lot of money going out, and easily gets into relationships that don't tend to last.

Now I am the complete opposite of this and became friends through one of her ex's, who finally bounced because he couldn't deal with her either. Now we got close and she told me all kinds of messed up stories and I tried my best to be her friend. Her car was a disaster, there were cigarette butts all over, makeup spilled, coffee on the interior...I like cars and so I detailed the car for her, helped her organize her apartment, taught her how to cook and always listened to her when she'd break down.

However recently she started seeing a new guy and her and her friends keep saying he's "funny and nice", which I admit I have some jealousy about. But the guy works at a liqour store and she's stopped going to classes, called into work "sick" last week because she was hungover on a Wednesday, and gone back to dressing pretty, but not taking care of herself at all. She has completely been focused on him/partying and nothing else. She told me once that sex was just sex to her, but that she liked feeling wanted. I suggested she take 6 months to a year and just try to find peace with herself, but now we're back to the super intense relationships. She's already calling him her boyfriend and it's only been three weeks.

I know you can't change people, so I struggled with this a lot and finally just texted her on Saturday that I loved her, but that I couldn't be in her life if she kept going down that path. I told her that I'd always be there for her if she needed me, and that when the day comes where *she* wants to stop; that all she has to do is call and I'd help her, but not do it for her. Did I make the right play? I'm worried about her, but that worry was killing my own personal life. Will she be okay?
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>>18107191
get out man. get out. I'm telling you... just get out.

This is not going to end in a good way. Do not talk to her, do not text her. Do not "help" her change her ways. Get out. Shut it down.
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>>18107191
>I have a friend who spends a lot of time drinking almost on a daily basis, smoking daily, refuses to try anything "difficult", spend a lot of money going out, and easily gets into relationships that don't tend to last.
Nothing wrong with cutting contact with her because of this.

>However recently she started seeing a new guy and her and her friends keep saying he's "funny and nice", which I admit I have some jealousy about. But the guy works at a liqour store and she's stopped going to classes, called into work "sick" last week because she was hungover on a Wednesday, and gone back to dressing pretty, but not taking care of herself at all. She has completely been focused on him/partying and nothing else. She told me once that sex was just sex to her, but that she liked feeling wanted. I suggested she take 6 months to a year and just try to find peace with herself, but now we're back to the super intense relationships. She's already calling him her boyfriend and it's only been three weeks.
This stuff seems a little bit more petty.
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>>18107229
I know, and I admit there are feelings of jealousy there. But it's a bit more complicated than that because we had talked about being together about a month before and then this happened. I told her to enjoy the time with the guy and if she found him to fit more with her, than it was cool. And it is. I just think she's making that choice due to her flippant behaviour. I will be honest and say that I find it difficult to be in her life because of that, yes. But the substance abuse and neglect for herself were one of the biggest reasons I didn't jump to say yes to her on day one. I obviously care about her well being, hence why I told her to reach out when she hit rock bottom; because she seems to be accelerating. I just don't want to be a caregiver if she won't help herself or even acknowledge the problem.
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Girls are excessively complicated. All you seem to do is judge each other's personal decisions and worry on 15 different levels about whether one of you is taking advantage of the other or what she thinks about you or what you think about him. Gossip all the time. Spend so much time on people that you hardly do anything real. Glad I am male.
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>>18107191
Shut this kind of people out from your life. You get nothing from them and they learn nothing from you.

You think you love them, but in truth it only feels like love since you've invested lots of your time on them.

Cut your loss, remember good relationship should inspire both sides involved to aim to be a better person than yesterday.
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