I am.

Pt. 2


Allyn and I are going back and forth of how the place is because they just opened. At one point, I sent him the msg saying, "Enjoy the food." Allyn flipped on me. He said something like: You could've been here if you actually wanted to hang out with us. You still think there's still a three of us?. I replied back saying "I'll contact you back when I get my shit done." He said something like "We're not gonna fall for it again." I haven't spoken to him since. It's been three months.

You see... the last couple of years, I've been saying I'm gonna get my drivers license during whatever (winter, summer, etc). But I haven't. I'm afraid to drive. I'm 20 and still haven't gotten a license. I've been doing this shit since 19. The only reason I was doing it because Allyn would ram it down my throat. "ARE YOU GONNA GET YOUR LICENSE? WHEN ARE YOU GONNA DO IT." I just hate driving. Also I don't work. I just go to school, do well in my classes, and just be me.
I'm alone, 20 years old, with a boring life. Every time I got to Hollywood with my family for shopping or eating, I would just imagine myself being there, only me. In a car, having a good time. But I haven't lifted my brush to paint my own picture. I ask myself, why I don't have a GF. Then I realize my situation and I don't blame them. If I was them , I wouldn't me. i'm lost with myself even my anti-depressants won't even help.

You have to suck it up and take initiative. It's the hardest part of being depressed but it's the only way to improve your situation. Force yourself to get your license. You simply can't be self sufficient and involved without driving. It's terrifying at first but you will get used to it. Your friends think you don't like them because you're withdrawn and probably moody. If they're really worth it to you, make some effort to live better and communicate your feelings.

if you've got money, take some adult driving classes

adult driving classes tend to understand the fear of driving thing more, and they will take you outside of your comfort zone, in a safe environment, to teach you how to fight what you fear


you're probably not gonna do the full amount of hours required with them, you'll still need relatives or older friends to help pad that out
but a real driving instructor on a closed course will probably help you clear some big fears