Should I seek professional help?

Fuck it, I can't even get the people on 4chan to answer me. I should just kill myself and end it.

I'll help you OP. Just posting here real quick so you know i'm here. I'll respond to your post in my next post

>>18104435
Here.
I absolutely agree that this needs professional help. This sounds extremely serious with the starving issue alone. After reading this post what I want you to do is make a casual phone call to set up an appointment with them and get help on this as soon as you can. You are not getting responses to this not because 4chan doesn't care but probably due to how much an issue like this is beyond a regular persons ability here to relate to or help you very much. So don't take it as this cold and uncaring thing. That's not what's happening.

Here are some ideas I have to help.

First off you are feeling worse than usual because you are starving yourself. Because you feel worse right now from not eating enough, it is much MUCH easier for you to have negative thoughts and negative thoughts that are worse than usual and be in a worse mood than you usually are about all this. Good exercise is also factually as powerful as taking an anti depressant. You want to start formulating a powerful strategy to combat the bad mood you are in. Right now the bad mood is snowballing into worse thoughts and an even worse bad mood. It's headed no where good fast. We want to pause, and start moving positively in the other way and start a positive snowball effect.

Your self worth is not defined by what you can and cannot do. Do not attach any significance of your accomplishments to your worth. I mean this sincerely when I say you are priceless. There is nobody on earth that can replace you.

There are more available slots than there are perfect people to fill them. Even if you're not the absolute best at a certain skill or even close there will still be open spots available to you as long as you're qualified anyways. So yes, you can get into grad school. Although I wonder why you would want to take on grad school on top of everything else you have going on right now. That almost sounds like you're spreading yourself too thin which is very stressful.

>>18104264
>>18104480 is pretty spot-on here, but I'd add that specifically what you seem to be experiencing is not abnormal in and of itself. A lot of people go through it, but aren't really self-aware enough to recognize that it's happening, and so never think to ask what to do. I would recommend specifically asking a therapist on campus for resources on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). What you've mentioned are examples of "cognitive distortions" (fortune-telling and catastrophizing, just for two) that are very often experienced in a culture that is so toxically focused on competition and worth-proving... but you will be okay, and you absolutely deserve love and well-being. Please talk to someone on campus about it and research CBT.

You should start being pride of yourself with the small steps you do to make your life unjoyable and being someone you like on every moment.

Not some bullshit ideas like having a nice car and being important with degrees and representing the tv sitcom model of what being a great person is.

Who cares about the prettiest person, why do you think you cannot be happy if your face isn't the hollwood jews ideal ?

>>18104493
I also want to back up what this anon is saying here as they mentioned cognitive behavioral therapy. It is known to be extremely powerful at dealing with psychological issues and I have some friends that benefited greatly from it. You want to look into that with your therapist.