I have a lot on my plate in life at the moment and need some

There may or may not be an afterlife, it is better to stay on this dreaded island than to jump out of it not knowing if there is a hell.

You are not going to kill yourself. You are 23-years-old with 20,000$.
FUCK! I wish I had your problems.

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>>18103069
That isn't exactly encouraging, life already feels like hell.

>>18103088
Yeah but what do I do with it? Its just sitting around, doing nothing. If I go for school its going to vanish pretty quickly, and there's no guarantee I'll have anything to show for it.

What are you afraid of? These reasons for wanting to die are
extremely feeble but I understand pain, suffering and wanting it all to end.
If anything understand this... It's always better to regret something that you have done rather than something that you haven't done.

>>18103136
>What are you afraid of?
I don't know. I had a troubled childhood being raised in an abusive family. Not physical abuse, emotional abuse. My parents almost divorced when I was in grade school due to my dad getting involved in our neighbors crack habits. My dad got over it and our neighbors got a divorce and now their kids are a mess. My dad traded crack for alcohol. He would be gone at work all day and as soon as he got home he would hit the bottle and become totally unapproachable. Not violent, just totally black-out drunk and he would repeat this the next day. My mother was short tempered and impossible to talk to. Any time we try to talk about...anything, really, she would get tempered and I would get angry and just shut down.

Something in me just broke and I stopped caring. I had no friends throughout school and I shut my parents out of my life due to their inability to communicate constructively. My school district put me into special ed classes half way through middle school because I was angry all the time and had no way to express myself. I sleep-walked through high school and I never applied myself in anything because no one cared to help me and I didn't know how to help my self. I graduated in 2011 now I'm kicking myself for it. I wasted time in high school that's going to cost me in thousands of dollars in college. So I don't know if I should try all these years later. All the while I'm still stuck in the a rut with no one to talk to that can help me.

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>>18103197
In addition; if I were to start on a 4 year degree path I would be 28 by the time I complete it, if I am able to find the passion and funds for such a program in the first place. With everyone and their brother going to school for a STEM degree I am likely looking at closer to 6-8 years in schooling due to how competitive the job market has become. I will likely be in my mid 30s before I find some kind of permanent position in the field I chose, all the while living with my parents because its impossible for me to both; afford to feed myself and go to school. And that's all counting on me even having the brain to do any of that in the first place.

>>18103219
I have wanted to die for so long. I had convinced myself that life has nothing to offer me, so I just sat and waited to die. I waited, and waited, and waited, yet nothing happened. No one came to talk to me, even after I tried to kill myself. Now my sister is in the hospital because she doesn't see a purpose in life, she wont get help either. Something changed with me over the winter, I don't want to wait to die anymore. I'm tiered of waiting for something to happen and I don't know where to start working for something better, but I have found somewhere to end it all. I fear for my life for the first time ever. I'm scared that no matter what I do I will always fail. And I'm scared that after all this time I have wasted even if I did try at something I will simply run out of time before life drags me down with it.

>>18103061
Take an assessment at a local college and find what you are interested in.