Sex issues.

>>18102744
Part II:

Growing up, I had many shitty experiences with people at large growing up, as well as with females. Was literally made fun of / bullied by every single person in school growing up. Friend zoned hard every single time I met someone I wanted to be with. And all the while I was exposing myself to free phone sex chat lines nonstop (from middle school onward) and all sorts of pornography.

Literally, that is all in the past (aside from the porn problem.. I jerk off at least 4 times a day to transgender porn). I still have never had a great relationship with a woman. I am in my late twenties.

I had this chick that I was with in my early 20s for a year, and we frequently had sex but I never got off. She was pretty damn attractive. Honestly, her pussy didn't feel that good. I dunno what's up with that.

The only time I did cum was when I fucked her face down on the tile floor and she was uncomfortable. Something about that situation really got me off. She did not like it. That kinda worries me, but at the same time it does not because I have a very strong sense of morality and can't do fucked up shit to people.

>>18102745
Part III:

I want to have the ability to have a normal fucking relationship with a beautiful woman. I have had tons of opportunities. I avoid em so as to not embarrass myself by showing how fucked up I am (incapable of healthy normal sex). I don't want to waste anyone's time, either.

Also, it should maybe be mentioned that my sexual excursions during childhood escalated to the point where I literally called every single female (except a couple, who I really, genuinely wanted to be with) jerking off. I got exposed for that and I literally cannot talk to 70% of the people I went to high school with because of it.

What the fuck is wrong with me, /adv/, and what can I do about it?

>>18102749
a couple more bits of copy/paste:

1)
Also let me state: I'm okay with being sexually attracted to transgendered people.

I am NOT okay with not being able to have normal sex with normal beautiful women.

I don't do it often, and am largely asexual (in fact, haven't had sex in 5 years at least).

I have had sex with one transgendered person. It wasn't that good, but it's all I can go off of. I actually did cum, opposed to with the chick I was with in my early 20s.

2)
Also, I should mention that I am not socially awkward anymore, at all.

Maybe I was leaning towards becoming someone like that during my childhood. I was definitely a very weird/angry/fucked up kid. That was over a decade ago tho. Lots of shit happens in over a decade.

I'm in graduate school right now, and I get on very well with just about everyone from every kinda background (except overly stupid people, ofc).

Really tired of not fully immersing myself in the life experience tho.

nobody cares about my god damn issues. :(

>>18102744
>fapping at tranny porn
>straight
Nigga face it your gay. Just because some dude rips off his scrotum and takes pills it's still a dude, with a male brain, genes, bone structure etc. You're a faggot son.

>>18103051
thanks for the insightful oversimplification of my life bro.

absolutely knew that was coming here tho.

i am not attracted to men. if you have a manly voice, or a hairy body, it's over. masculinity doesnt attract me in other words.

why am i responding to this tho you obviously didnt read anything other than the fact that i 'fap at tranny porn'.

>>18102744
fuck a tranny dude.

>>18102744
So, where the F are you gonna find an attractive tranny? Like the ones in the porn you fap to?

>>18103051
Hey, come off him anon. He only likes feminine penises.

>it's another "I love cock but I'm not gay" episode

>>18104212
There needs to be an /adv/ sticky for this shit.

>>18102744

Going to go through some statements and give feedback. In general, though, there is a basic truth that we often forget which you might find helpful: as human beings, we have *no control* over what we find attractive. The heart wants what the heart wants.

>Whenever I try looking at straight porn, it makes me feel alienated and sad. Seriously, lol. That's retarded, I know.
How is this different from someone looking at gay porn feeling alienated for not liking it? It's not retarded, it's just not something you enjoy seeing. I don't like sour candy; it's not "retarded" because others do; it's just my taste. The idea that sexuality should be any different from any other personal preference is absurd.

>we frequently had sex but I never got off. She was pretty damn attractive.
This is a troubling sentence - I assume it means "she was attractive to other people;" but was she attractive to you? Did you think she was attractive except for the fact that she didn't have a penis? Because that matters for you, so it's clearly something that would get in the way of your attraction. You don't have to be attracted to things that other people are, or accept the idea that there are "attractive" people in a universal sense. Everybody is attractive to somebody, and everyone is unattractive to somebody.

>I avoid em so as to not embarrass myself by showing how fucked up I am (incapable of healthy normal sex).
There is no such thing as "healthy normal sex" outside of sex that two or more people enjoy and have consensually. Psychologists and Medical professionals have been perpetuating heteronormative standards for years, and it's irresponsible of them. You're not fucked up; you just happen to dig ladies with penises.

(to be continued)

1/2

>>18104464
Okay, continuing:

>I'm okay with being sexually attracted to transgendered people.
I am NOT okay with not being able to have normal sex with normal beautiful women.
Again, if you're okay with your attraction to transgendered people, then why do you maintain the idea that there is such a thing as "normal sex" or "normal women?" Sure, plenty of people believe in biological predeterminism, but they also believe in talking snakes, alien encounters, bigfoot, the invisible hand of the free market, and any other of the host of irrationality by which we justify our individual whims and peccadilloes. It's all equally important... and also equally bullshit. You are who you are.

Side note - recently, on certain cam-sites, I've seen a lot of people who look *extremely* feminine... who happen to have a penis. It's uncanny. It used to threaten my sexuality, because I found myself attracted to them, but I got over it, and have accepted that there's just a thing that can be "girl-cock." It sounds stupid, but there's no other way to describe it. So, I get it - as much as I can, anyway. Don't judge yourself for being "different" or "abnormal." Maybe it isn't something that the majority of people are into (or would admit to being into), but neither is a bunch of other things that are awesome.

I dunno; I hope this helps.

2/2

>>18103077
>masculinity
is a construct

>>18104464
>>18104476
I genuinely found her attractive. I am genuinely attracted to certain types of women. I find white chicks to be the least physically attractive, in most cases.

Do they turn me on? I dunno.

Vaginas do turn me on. Vaginas with big labia do not at all.

One thing that is alienating about vaginas is my lack of experience with them. They are completely anatomically different from men. I have familiarity with the penis. I fucking have one. I know what it feels like when one cums lol

I have no idea what a woman is feeling and how good she is feeling it.

I should also mention teen porn was a huge thing for me back in the day and it still turns me on. As in vaginas on teenage females. So I am not exclusively attracted to penises, by any means whatsoever.

I literally only looked at straight porn for the first 7 years of looking at porn. During that whole time I was alienated by never having any real sexual encounters with females (and I never in my life have had one with a man or wanted one with a man, who did not have a feminine body/voice; the only encounter I have ever had with a person with a penis was the transgendered escort). So I discovered shemale porn and eventually started to watch it exclusively.

Mind you, I started with women with fake big plastic cocks. Can't remember the name of the company, but literally real cocks were a turn off at first. I pretty much desensitized myself gradually into becoming sexually attracted to transgendered people.

This is straight up a situation of:
[ridiculous loneliness] + [social nonacceptance and alienation] + [complete lack of intersexual encounter] + [gradual porn-induced resexualization/desensitization] = who i am today.

>>18105328

Also, a quick bit of added context:
As I have said, I was a piece of shit kid. I mentioned that I called a bunch of girls I knew in high school jerking off and all that. I also did it with my sister's friend (she's not much younger than me). She found out who I was in the call and we ended up fucking in my mom's car. She was a whale, to put it kindly. Best sex I have ever had. Got some mediocre head (wasn't the best part) and fucked her very hard. Very hot sweaty sex.

We did it a couple more times before I couldn't deal with fucking my sister's friend anymore like that. It was amoral (you would need more context but I cannot give it right now even if I wanted to, cannot remember all the details).

So, no. I am not gay.

I have issues I gotta fucking get sorted so I can start living the life I know I ought to be living at this stage in life. Time to leave all this shit behind for good.

Also, I get sad when I look at straight porn because that is simply what I am not attracted to (let me clear this sentence up).

Another aspect of my childhood was me being the socially innocent gullible kid for most of it. Everyone around me was doing drugs and all sorts of shit and I often had no idea. I was on [a type of drug]s at one point without really knowing that they were pretty much [a light version of a heavy type of drug], because a friend of mine used to do that shit all the time.

This chick I was really attracted to was always with these scummy ass dudes. She was a bar zombie (but when she was not on them she was so fucking awesome/amazing). There were tons of girls I did find and (I have looked them up recently) continue to do find some of them extremely attractive. Beautiful girls that became beautiful women.

Basically, kids around me grew up too quickly and I was left alienated. Then I became a porn addict for a long time and fucked myself all up.

>>18105341
I'm ready to completely be normal again. lol You understand now?

I don't think homosexuality is abnormal.

I think straight man (like myself. I am straight lol) being attracted to tranny porn is fucking abnormal. It is. I have absolutely no wish to be with a tranny. (And seriously no fucking attraction at all for men). I've fucking mind-gamed myself, for years.

[Also take note how I called 0 males when I did the jerk off call thing in high school. I went to a school with lots of feminine gay boys. I was not attracted to them.]

>>18104464
>>18104476
Also, huge thanks to you for discussing this with me. Hopefully you come back to this thread, as I think talking this through with people like you can really clear this shit up.

Yes, I have gone to therapy. No, I have not brought this stuff up. I really should have. I might do just that very soon (I have the access and the ability to do so).