My boyfriends friends are a really bad influence on him, and

You sound controlling.

His friends are his friends. They don't have to be your friends. And going out with friends and socializing is a normal, healthy thing for a 24 year old.

If you don't like that he drinks and smokes, that's a you problem. Unless we're talking blackout drunk 7 days a week, which doesn't seem to be the case.

>>18102294

Yeah I know I'm going to sound controlling but it's not because im controlling it's because I care about him and want the best for him .. You are who you surround yourself by and I feel like he's not going to get anywhere in his life bc his friends have such a bad impact on him

>>18102311
He isn't going anywhere in life because he doesn't want to.

>>18102294
Are you implying alcool only starts being a problem when the person concerned is blackout drunk every day of the week?

>>18102294


I don't think it's ok for a24 year old to have a 16 year old close online friend who tags him on things on Insta constantly about weed and girls and fucking girls who like his weed .

>>18102319


Seriously he's gained 20 lbs and he drinks so much beer it can't be good for his overall health, he also eats really healthy too,. I noticed it starterd affecting me as well bc when we go out to eat he gets annoyed if I order salad or somerbing healthier than a burger or chicken or something.. I don't eat have as healthy as I used to ..

>>18102311
You want what's best for you, not him. >>18102319
I may have inadvertently implied that, you got me. What I really meant was going to the bars with your friends on occasion isn't something that a person should take issue with, as it's not a destructive behavior.

>>18102334
Unhealthy *

>>18102337


I said they drink beer a lot and go
To bars a lot. Like they don't do anything healthy or cultured. It's just like bars and beer and PlayStation. They live like irresponsible teenagers with no work ethic

>>18102340
You're his girlfriend, not his mother.

Honestly, you're putting up such a fight to prove this guy is a loser. Just leave him and be done with it.

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>>18102294
> You sound controlling.
If it had been a woman who gained 20 lbs, this board would have been "Dump the bitch"

Give him an ultimatum. Lose the 20 lbs. or lose you. And a professional gambler with no intention of college? He's going nowhere. Lose the zero.

https://youtu.be/Jj4nJ1YEAp4

>>18102349
Well I care about him and he has potential, I don't want him to waste, I know he has potential to be successful and an honest man, I don't realy wanna give up on him, but I dont know what to do to help him or if I can.

>>18102351


I mean I don't even care that much he doesn't look bad, but he does have a really big beer belly and his shirts loook to small for him/his stomach bulges out, he's like 5'11 or 5'10 and weighs 190 , it's just like a proven thing to me how he's been like not trying anymore and is losing his ambition etc.

>>18102351
I just checked his bmi and I guess he's slightly overweight now . I mean what if he keeps gaining weight . It's not muscle it's fat

>>18102334
He doesn't have any right to belittle you for eating what you desire. Aside from that, you're on /adv/, anything that people can proprose you on here are immediate solution that usually aren't what you need and/or want. Considering we don't have any background it makes it incresingly harder to try and propose any sensible advice to you.

How much alcool are we talking about here, and how often does he go to the bar?
How long does he usually stay indoor to play vidya per day?
How often does he spend time to be with you, without any distraction, per day?

>>18102358
>I just checked his bmi

Sweet merciful fuck, you're over the top.

>>18102362
I got an advice for you, sweet-cheeks, go to any board that isn't /adv/ if you aren't willing to try to help anons.

>>18102361

I don't really know how often like I don't keep tabs on him but I know he goes pretty often and I know he drinks beer probably everyday or every other day and his best friend even start drinking beer in the morning pretty often.

Again I don't keep tabs butim pretty sure he prob plays video games nearly everyday for several hours. Sometimes for lke 8 hours and stays upp the whole night doing it the sleeps away the entire morning and afternoon .

It depends but maybe twice a week in average seeing me soemrkems less sometimes more.his best friend always bother us when we're hanging out and tries to gett him to
Ditch me to seee him . Even tho they're together more than us . It's weird

>>18102362
Lol bc I was curious if he wwas really getting actual fat or just a little extra pounds . I think being overweight is a serious thig, it can cause health issues .

>>18102281
I think its cool youre worried about his health.. And yeah its kind of lame hes gaining weight.

But its his life. He could be out doing hookers and blow and cheating on you on the weekly.

If pokers actually going well then i actually respect him as an intellectual and give kudos for escaping the shit ass job system.


Ill only agree with you on the weight gain because it actually is objectively unhealthy, but even then, it's his life.

My gf and I are trying to escape the work life ourselves with private ventures and side businesses. Its also agreed if we hit good money and have to work a lot less well being going to the gym daily.

If he has so much free time that could be a good idea for the sake of his health.

I completely feel you can persuade him of that IF you arent a bitch about it. Psych trick. Persuade people by making them come to the conclusion themselves.

Instead of "youre fat go to the gym!"
Say "I wonder if your heartburn would go away if you lost some weight."
Instead of "i wont have sex with you until youre less fat" say "man my shit is so hard regular and healthy because my bmi is so good!"
Instead of "im cheating on you!" say "man, chad sure looks good since he started doing curls".

>>18102391


Well id never cheat and stuff and I don't think saying it's his life is justifiable to say if he's doing hookers and blow it's his life. I mean no, don't be with me then.

And yeah I mean I'm contradictiv about poker like he makes okay money so it's okay with me but I think he should still have a real job or be in college in case it goes wrong . I think he should move out if his moms basement and live a healthier lifestyle. And I think his friends are counterproductive for that. It's like ppl who are obese who have parents who buy them all the unhealthy stuf they want instead of making them do better and eat healthy and not letting them live like that. Like I'm the one who would be hard on him and help him have a better life and I feel like his friends are holding him back which I guess in turn makes him hold me back in some ways as well .:. But I don't wanna leave him if I don't have to.. Id rather help him.. Idk

I don't really have any advice but you sound like a good woman OP.

>>18102410


Thanks..

>>18102340
What an obnoxious, stuck up, classist attitude. Who the hell are you to call someone else uncultured? What do you do that's so fucking cultured? If you were a guy I'd tell you to take off the fucking trilby hat and shave. Who died and made you the measure of what is and is not a good use of a person's free time?

>>18102427


Okay I'm pretty sure if all you do is drink and play video games and live in your moms basement and ur gaining weight eating unhealthy not being productive are overweight and ur life is going nowhere youre wasting time . It's pretty objective

>>18102281

Instead of bitching about him on the internet, try doing things with him that you think good for him.

Take him to a jog, watch a good movie together, cook something tasty and healthy with him so he can learn how to do it. Show that you care about him without being bitchy and condescending.

You attract more bees with honey than with vinegar.

If he's reclutant to try stuff and improving his lifestyle or his relationship with you even when you ask nicely and actively try with him not doing his part, then it's time to let go.

>>18102432
So if that's how you feel about him, break up. Trying to quantify class in order to justify why you're dumping him is a defense mechanism that's a byproduct of you trying to avoid accountability. By quantifying what is cultured and what is not, you're trying to say that there's an objective line beyond which you can't or won't put up with someone else's behavior when what you should do is be comfortable enough and confident enough to make this decision based on your own preferences. Or are you really that insecure?

>>18102281

you did your best to help him, time to get out. if he wont at least get on a diet then whats the point in sticking around?

>BUT MUH LOVE

you loved who he once was, and thats okay. i do believe in sticking things out and trying to help but it sounds like your boyfriend tried being a responsible adult and is now going through that mid twenties phase where they rush to enjoy what is left of their youth, and that changes a person.

get out.

>>18102439


I mean I try . I try to get him to eat veggies. I ask him to go run with me but he says it's too cold outside which I kinda understand . I tell him he drinks beer too much. Ithink I neeed to be more confrontational but im scared he wil think I'm controlling andnot understand that I care about him and push me away

>>18102440
Not replying to you anymore

>>18102447
You want people on 4chan, people who accept shit like "fucking traps isn't gay" gore, Hitler did nothing wrong, and Hank the angry drunken dwarf, do you think this place is actually loaded with normie cunts like you who are going to be your hugbox echo chamber and say, YEAH, what a cunt, you're objectively too good for him, who does he think he is even thinking he would have a chance with you? This isn't the lunch table in your high school, slit. You'll find no allies here. Objectively you're a stuck up bitch and unwilling to take responsibility for your own actions. The idea that you're too good for him is only in your brain, you know in your heart that you will never find someone better, so you're afraid to leave the relationship. Just dump him, set this man free.

>>18102463
I don't think I'm too good for him. I think he just needs help to be in the right path.
Bye.

>>18102281
sounds like he's clearly not what you want and not for you, so instead of trying to change him, i dunno, break up with him and find someone better?

>>18102467
>the right path
That's exactly the attitude I'm talking about. Why don't you try going out with him and his friends to a bar and talking shit and being social? Because that's wrong behavior and you're above it? Holy fuck.

>>18102482
Dude all he does is play video games eat shit be Unhealtht and smoke weed. He sleeps till fucnkng 5pm. He is overweight. Leave me alone

>>18102493
So dump him, stop stroking yourself by dating a man you constantly feel superior to.

>>18102506

I'm not stroking myself And blah blah just shut up you weirdo

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>>18102528
Uh oh, she's getting mad guys.

>>18102528
Honestly, what are you getting from this relationship? Are you dating down to piss off your parents? Does it make you feel better to stand around in judgment of someone? Do you have some cultural need to be strong in the face of adversity, and this man is a safe way for you feel like you're stalwart and brave and charitable just for putting up with him, while never actually seeing what real adversity is all about?

>>18102543


No. He wasn't like this when we first starting dating 2 years ago

>>18102557
Hahah I doubt that very much. Unless being with you caused him severe depression and he's freefalling in a downward spiral toward oblivion, this is the man he was two years ago before you developed your victim complex.

>>18102575

Yeah because iwould be the one to blame? Wtf.

And no. He was in college and had a real job and he was more responsible and barely
Played video games drank less went to the gym ate less and put me first. None of those things are The same anymore

>>18102575


If I put him into severe depression I think he would probably break up with me

And that's fucked up to blame someone's life falling apart by sayings its my fault like I somehow made him depressed fuck you

> I try to help him but he gets mad at me when I talk about him being lazy and drinking and stuff
As it is implied here you have already offered help and he rejected it. Then there isn't really anything to discuss here. Imho, when someone is concerned about some one else's lifestyle even though it doesn't impact them meaningfully apart from concernedness, the concerned party should get an opportunity to express their concernment. After that, if the other party doesn't wish to hear more about this, that's it.

Your opinion that this lifestyle of his is not good for him is nothing more than just that: Your opinion. He's not mentally handicapped and he isn't 12. He's a full grown adult, capablle and entitled to making his own decisions regardless of how others perceive these decisions (especially if they're perceived badly), and it sounds like he manages to make a living just fine. Unless you can demonstrate that his lifestyle leads to substantial, unavoidable negative consequences on your part (like, you have to bail him out financially every month cause he cannot pay his rent), I think you are not morally entitled to tread on him because you are offended by his lifestyle. If he wants to become an alcoholic and professional poker player, he should be free to do that.
Obviously, you are also absolutely free to leave him at any point, which is what I would suggest. It doesn't really sound like there's a lot to be done here. He was offered help by you, he didn't want it, and it doesn't sound like you and your interests are taken into account _at all_ in his decision making.

>>18102583


Well he doesn't even have rent to pay. He lives in his moms basement. I've been trying to get him a place with me and he says he wants to but be constantly backs out and says like he doesn't have enough money yet or doesn't have proof of income and won't even go on apartment tours with me..

I don't think it's ok to be an alcoholic. That can have long term health effects. I don't think I would call him an alcoholic but I'm not sure how much he really drinks day to day.

>>18102528

some people are being assholes cuz your boyfriends admittedly being trashy, but why do you get offended by the advice to break up wtih him?

the bottom line is you can't control him. you can't guide him. you can't fix him. this is who he is now. if you dont like it (which is understandable) then you should break up with him.

>>18102626

Idk bc I don't just give up on ppl when things are shitty and if I care about them and can help them be successful. Idk

>>18102634

>i dont just give up on people when things are shitty

you're not JUST giving up on someone. they're giving up on themselves and you're doing whats best for you.

this isn't a case of leave or put in some hard work. people change and as manipulative as you wish you were, you cant change him, you can't fix him. this is a part of who he is and an important phase of his life. hes realizing that he spent his youth focusing on school and work and girlfriend and now admires the freedom of his peers and wants to explore that.

you likely won't see any improvement until he is 30. are you willing to wait six years to see if he gets any better?

you can't help him be successful. he already is, in his own way.

>>18102637


I guess not. But it's not really fair that someone else gets to have him when he's 30
And not me

>>18102643

how is it not fair? you need to stop objectifying people. you aren't the manipulative monster the men in this thread are trying to maek you out to be, hes clearly on an unhealthy path at best, but relationships aren't about a payoff. you can't say 'its unfair that i dated him for 4 years and now someone else gets to date him later'.

thats literally how relationships work. they aren't an investment that pays out with marriage.

>>18102281
if you don't like it, leave him. also, your behavior isn't normal, sounds like OCD or something.

>>18102647
I guesss but I dont really see it as disposable like I could stick around and wait for him to grow up and maybe it would be rewarding at the same time I don't think either of us would be happy tho.

>>18102656

And there's no guarantee that he would change anyway. He's his own person capable of making his own decisions, and it's clear that he's going to enjoy doing things his way (whether you like it or not).

>>18102659
Yeah I guess .

Ithink I just need to decide what's best for me. I really feel like his lifestyle is affecting mine

>>18102656

giving up six years of your life, particularly your youth, just to see if maybe he gets better is a silly move. by then you'll be too worn out to be impressed by any chances, and truth be told sticking with him likely lessens the chance that he'll actually improve, just because he'll have you to fall back on, to think that he doesn't need to be any better to have a woman and settle down.

>i dont really see it as disposable

part of your problem is you think of things in extremes. just because something doesn't last forever doesn't mean its disposable. if you keep looking for some miracle ever lasting romance you're going to be sad your entire life.

a thing isn't beautiful because it lasts. enjoy who you ahve while you have them, and when you reach an impasse you arent disposing of them, you are just letting them go to grow and have their own experiences.

you are still insanely young. and while we were raised on a diet of disney films and rom coms, we aren't actually supposed to settle down at this young age. most people who do don't make it to old age and feel the same wa.y

were in a very unique time where we get to continue to grow and develop as people, with each other and alone, as opposed to being lumped with the same person for your entire existence and basing your lives around each other.

in those situations one person (often the wife, but not awlays) ended up losing out, simply becoming complacent in another persons story.

stop worrying about the future and possibilities that are out of your control and take the time to think about whether or not you are happy with who he is right now, because this is WHO HE IS, and you can't force him to be anything else.

the whole reason hes doing this is because he is afraid of becoming the person you want him to be without ever getting to be the person hes becoming now. to try and change him would only push him further and further down this path.

>>18102664
That made me feeel a lot better especially the part about the wife bc that's how I would feel thank you

>>18102702

hopefully it helps you get past this situation and get back to enjoying life. there's other guys out there.

good luck

So, there's a lot of complaints here - some with substance, and some without.

24 is still a pretty damn young age. By then I'd moved out, but honestly, I was sleeping on a shitty air mattress in a friend's spare bedroom with only a few possessions. It's unfair (and possibly downright wrong) to tell someone that they need to behave in a certain way at a certain age because that's just how life is. Everyone approaches life differently, and you need to respect that.

Which is where the friends come in. Friendship should be about how much enjoyment you get from that person, not the idea that you're hanging out with people to look better yourself, or to achieve some sort of social status/goal. Instead of saying "I hate your friends, don't hang out with them," you can encourage spending time with people you DO like, and come be a part of it.

Playing Playstation is a normal thing adults do. There's nothing wrong with being a friend to some kid that shares his hobby. You should let this one drop.

When it comes to the beer, I get your concerns, but there's a huge difference between drinking a couple of beers each day and slipping into full on alcoholism where you're drunk off your ass or getting into trouble because the booze is taking priority. But beer isn't inherently evil.

The things I think you do have some valid criticism on are his living situation and his gambling. If he's not making enough to move out, he's not making enough money gambling, and DOES need some kind of education or trade or something as a fallback. I've seen too many people think they can game the system - but honestly, casinos exist to win your money. They're rarely ever down, maybe one month a year if something crazy happens (I work in the industry).

I would get not wanting to have to go to someone's mom's house to date them too.

Those are the two things I think you need to fix first, and some of the others will come into line as he matures and gets older. Wouldn't blame you for dumping him.

>>18102731

Okay, yeah. I guess I could mention that like if he doesn't have enough to move out he's not making enough and should do something else too

>>18102702
So you were just looking for an echo chamber/ hugbox. Gotcha.

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Is it weird of me to hang out with my best female friend's ex that's a lot older than us? (22 years older than me.)

She's disappeared on basically everyone since he dumped her and only spends time in the three dive bars they used to hang out at, so he's really my only source to know if she's still alive or whatever.

But most of the time he just talks shit about her, which makes me feel like a dick, since it's like I'm taking his side over hers.

>>18102746

Shit, sorry, meant to make my own thread.

>>18102746
>>18102746
>>18102750
Let him take you ANALLY!!!!!!

>>18102358
FYI BMI is nothing

What you want is body fat percentage which will require.measurement of body parts among other things