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Girlfriends Spoiled Four Year Old 2017-03-05 04:36:35 Post No. 18101295
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Girlfriends Spoiled Four Year Old 2017-03-05 04:36:35 Post No. 18101295
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I've been living with my girlfriend now for a little over a month, her son just turned 4. We see him maybe a few times a week because she works a lot and I work/am still getting used to the whole "family" thing. I really don't enjoy being around this kid because he is definitely spoiled and is deliberately a dick to me because I don't always cater to him and give him every single thing he wants.
I try to encourage him to share, to speak nicely to people (he calls me mean/a bum or bum-bum [meaning ass] for no reason several times each time I see him. She does Nothing about it) He hits his mom and his grandparents when he doesn't get his way, refuses to even try to dress himself because he knows someone will do it for him etc.). Long story short, this kid is a dick and knows how to control his mother and I'm apparently the dick for being upset about it and the fact that he knows how to manipulate at fucking FOUR.
She's all about statistical brain development bullshit but the thing is, she doesn't teach him anything. No one does. No one disciplines him either (I don't mean spanking because I'm not for that myself, but I think a child should definitely have boundaries, rules, etc.). He thinks the world is revolves around him and anyone and everyone should drop everything to get him something or pay constant attention to him, he doesn't even want to sleep in his own bedroom because he's so used to sleeping with his mom.
When he's good, I of course love him and enjoy being around him. But most of the time, he's a little spoiled brat and asshole and I pretty much hate him. My girlfriend has suggested that I blow money on some bullshit child development course at a college nearby because I'm not always sweet and nice with him when he walks all over me/her. 1. What should I do? 2. How do I explain to my girlfriend in a matter that won't get her defensive that her child IS spoiled and that it isn't a good thing and that I don't like being around him because of it?
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I got an A in my child development course!
She doesn't have the balls to discipline her son because she wants to be best friends with him. For the past few years he has been her little man friend. And all that shit does is hurt him and his development in the long run.
All I gotta say is that pussy better be worth it. She is also kind of stupid for saying you should take a class on it, because as you alluded she doesn't know shit. You already know more than her by you saying a kid needs discipline and boundaries. But to put it simply this boy isn't your problem. You're not his dad; there is no need to play "family" here. You also can't explain anything to your gf either, because she doesn't have enough self-awareness to get it. You can't suddenly make her raise a kid better.
I don't think this is gonna work out unless she realizes how wrong her behavior is and her son's behavior is on her own. That will probably take quite a few years.
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>my girlfriend's son
Have fun raising another man's problem I guess
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He is her biggest priority in life, or at least a bigger priority than you. She's not going to change how she treats him, and if you can't handle this, you shouldn't be in a relationship with her
Don't need a child development course to tell you that
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This whole situation depends on how you value your gf. If this is a serious relationship headed towards marriage eventually, you need to stop thinking of the brat as "her kid", because he is now your child also. Again, if this is serious, you need to have a discussion with your gf about the new status of this child as "our child", and make it clear that you love this child as your own (if you can, if not, I suggest abandoning this relationship) and that you will treat him as your own, good and bad. Make it absolutely clear that if she refuses to let you apply proper discipline to YOUR OWN son, than this relationship will never work.
After that is cleared up, unspool the child: always be stern when disciplining, but happy and fun otherwise; never say "no" or "stop" etc more than once before punishment; physical punishment is a great reinforcement at this age since he's spoiled but young enough to unspoil; never forget positive reinforcement.
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>>18101295
I'm in a similar situation, with a 5yr old girl. I married my gf tho, and we all live together. Many days I regret it because the child revolves around our lives. All I gotta say is, I'm lucky it ain't a boy cuz that violence only gets worst lol. At least this girl is a cry baby.
My advice op, get out of the relationship. You will be toiling for nothing. The child will never call you dad, just by your first name. Every time that child calls you by your first name, will result in awkwardness cuz ppl thought you're the father, but you're not, ect.
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>my girlfriend's son
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>>18101324
>>18101406
Never change, internet
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>>18101340
This. Im a child of divorced parents(they got divorced when i was 6, am 19 now) and her bf of 10 years(she never remarried, but he lived with us) never grew on either me or my younger sister. We never called him dad, we never gifted him anything, we never really wanted to talk to him and he was basically like a second-tier family member, to whom my mom regularly shouted at. I always wondered why he stuck around, because desu I wouldnt. Unless the child is extremely young(read: baby) the chances of you being a proper part of the family are slim as fuck and you will just end up helping with the upbringing of child that is not even yours to begin with and that will never truly call you dad.
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>>18101295
Break up, move out, now
I cannot stress this more clearly
Your gf does not understand that setting boundaries to her kid is a healthy thing, your gf thinks that YOU are in the wrong in this.
How will that translate to your future life, to your own kids when you have them?
Eh?
Ehhhh?
You think it's gonna be good?
In your heart of hearts. Do you?
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>>18101295
>girlfriend's son
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>>18101295
> my girlfriend's son
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>>18101295
>my girlfriend's son
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