Marriage sucks for women too

Why are you in school?

>>18101136
I'm 23. We met when I was in school and had an unplanned pregnancy. I had gone through like 5 majors. Now I'm serious and waiting to see whether or not I'll be admitted into Nursing School so I can hurry up and get a job

>married to a man 11 years older
>only known him for 2 years
>have a kid together

Sounds like you've got bigger issues than your husband not paying enough attention to you.

>>18101139
You really shouldn't work if your husband already provides for you.

>>18101142
Obviously our relationship didn't form under ideal conditions, but we're making it work. We love each other. He's got his business and I've got my school. We're like fire and ice. Balance each other out very well. We were both raised with firm Christian/family-oriented values.

>>18101143
I hate being dependent upon him. I want my own money to spend. Also, being a stay at home mom was the most miserable experience of my life. I need to work and feel a sense of purpose, and to be challenged mentally.
Also, I think it would only be fair to contribute to our net worth. He has big plans for his money. We will be very wealthy within the next few years, but right now he needs to be a bit frugal (building luxury townhomes without a loan).

>>18101143

>You shouldn't want more money and you should remain a leech with no autonomy.

Great advice Anon.

how long has this behavior been going on? Have you confronted him about this? Does he know that his behavior is upsetting you? Have you talked about/considered couples counseling?

If yes to all and it's still a problem you should seriously consider a divorce, there's not reason to torture yourself by staying with someone who doesn't appreciate you

If no then you should start working towards improving your situation.

>>18101164
>>18101166

It really blows my mind that the family unit has been deconstructed to such an extent that someone has the need to be ''autonomous'' or ''independent'' in a marriage. Was being a stay at home mother really so god-damn miserable? do you hate spending time with your child? I'm willing to bet you'll even get divorced because you didn't feel ''autonomous'' enough in your marriage and get alimony. Go girl-power!

>>18101303
Go back to bed r9k

>>18101303
confirmed permavirgin

>>18101306
>>18101315
Not an argument.

>>18101303
Yes, being a stay at home mom was 7th hell. And I'm not going to be apolagetic about it. I'm a fucking great mom. It's just so draining and isolating.
Before marriage and baby, my hobbies included reading, painting, yoga, and my passion was learning languages. Like most channers I would happily spend hours on end in isolation browsing the internet. I can do none of those things now that I have a child. The time I have to myself is extremely limited, yet my husband continues on with his life as before, minus sleeping around. You obviously do not have a child. They are incredibly needy. She follows me around everywhere I go. I wake up at 6 a.m. every morning now. If I'm exhausted I can't take a nap. I have a billion chores to do and most of the time she screams because I'm not paying attention to her, or sabotages what I'm doing. It's a battle just to cook something for myself, because it's dangerous for her to be near me when I'm cooking (oil spitting). She always wants what I have, even if she's not hungry. Once I give her some, she makes a huge mess out of it.
Of course I love spending time with her, but not for 12 hours straight. I highly value my independence and freedom, but now I can't even walk without being cautious. The other day I was walking and she suddenly grabbed my leg mid-step. I dragged her and she bumped her head on the dresser and screamed. Sometimes she will just be in a bad mood, and no matter what I do, will just scream. She's tired, but refuses to nap. I'll rock her and sing to her for about an hour and a half. All the while she will be pulling my hair out, hitting me, pinching my nipple, squriming, etc. It's fucking miserable. The only time I have to study is at night after she's gone to bed. But by then I'm exhausted and don't want to study. I've always studied best in the morning. On a good day I drop her off at the sitter for 4 hours so I can get some shit done. Simply put, it takes a village to raise a child.

>>18101352
I wonder if this stay at home mother hell shit is just what happens when we take on something which becomes a bigger adult commitment than we have ever known. Like it is exactly how I feel about my new job where I pull 50-60 hours per week. I wake up early, I work, I crash out. I've no time anymore for friends or hobbies and I feel like I've lost my sense of self and become institutionalised by work. I might as well not even exist apart from my function at work.

>>18101352
>I'm a fucking great mom
No, you are not. In fact, it sounds like you weren't ready to be one.
From what you wrote I can tell your child lacks discipline. It seems like you never teached her how to behave, but that's a problem most modern moms face because they try to convince or even beg to their kids instead of enforcing their authority.
And guess what, being a GOOD mom is a 24/7 job, you should've thought of your freedumbs before having a kid

The problem here is a very commoner problem.
When a woman (or a man, whatever) consents to be a Stay at Home Parent (SAHP) they are committing to changing their lives and committing the majority of their time to being a parent.

The problem is that the bread winner often maintains their workload, and makes no effort whatsoever to contribute to PARENTING, and often remains unsympathetic to the stay at home parent.

The working parent burdens the extra stress of being the primary breadwinner, but the SAHP takes on an entirely new and all encompassing responsibility, and then when the spouse comes home, they receive no support.. Emotional, or otherwise.

Often, the parent who is working all day doesn't realize that , in addition to the necessity of spending a few hours with their own child, that the spouse craves adult interaction!

Sorry. When you get home from work, you are not entitled to immediate and endless solitude and freedom. If you have kids, and a family, SURPRISE, SURPRISE, you must spend a good couple hours making them feel loved and appreciated, and maybe putting away a couple fucking dishes or washing some kids hair.

Having a family means some extra fucking work at home too.

So this is what happened to my marriage.
I am a male, 30's.
This is exactly what happened in my marriage.
I'm sure you heard the phrase coined from the book, Men are from Mars Women are from Venus.
Well women are emotional creatures as men are logical creatures and that's one of the fundamental differences. A woman needs to initiate from time to time. Weather it be a hug, a kiss or sex. Unless you're sobbing like a baby, us men have to literally be told to hug you. Again, men are not emotional on a normal basis. If my mom dies, then yeah I'll be a sorry piece for a couple weeks. But that is not a normal occurrance. Men, most men, are emotionally void.

For this part I am prefacing that no matter what, you NEVER use violence.
You need to get directly in front of him and ask him why he is ignoring you or whatever other question is imperative you ask. If he does not answer at all, then YOU need to initiate by starting to say what you wrote on this thread. Hell show him the thread! It might open dialog.
If he does not communicate at all during these steps, then I can say that the only step after that would be counceling. Marriage counseling will work most likely IF both parties are iron in thier commitment to make the marriage work.
--Heed these words all who read them: Marriage is ALWAYS all about COMMUNICATION & constantly COMPROMISING.--

My marriage dissolved due to the fact that something really fucked up would happen and I'd just let it go. Sweep it under the rug. Never talked about how fucked up it was and why it happened. Communication and compromising was never happening.
You are a beautiful woman. But you know that. You say so yourself. Your self esteem only truly you can fix. No matter how many men compliment you, you have to know who you are. Try to see a brighter outcome of every day you are here on Earth. Weather it be the shining sun or that smile on your daughters face. Negativity begets negative results. The opposite of that is true as well.

Money, as well as the economy, is all a big fucking 100 year old pyramid scheme about to come crashing down. Money holds back the human race via enslavement. It's too bad 90% of the world population doesn't realize it.
If no one had to be breadwinners, imagine how different the world would look. Oh well, back to our current reality.

>>18101145
>but we're making it work.
No, you're trying to, he's not. Just leave him, he's 34 and hasn't learned how to be in a relationship, so he never will.

You definently were not ready for marriage or a child.
SERIOUSLY, UNPLANNED PREGNANCY?
Everybody on this Earth knows how babies are made. When somene says unplanned anything it means I didn't take the correct steps to prevent. And now there will be another child from a broken home because two people were grossly negligent.
Way to go! Make America Stupid Again. USA.USA.USA.USA.USA.USA.

See America, see what hapoens with participation trophies & chem trails.

>>18101774
If he refuses to talk, then yeah, he's done with the marriage. He may never tell you his reasons. Take it from a guy. He either is no longer in love with you, or he perceives something that you did to be beyond the pale. Irreparable. Sorry. Just happens sometimes. My marriage lasted 14 years but we were together for a total of 18. It sucks when people grow apart. Sometimes it's for the better. Even if only one of you is happy, the relationship can't go on. Not without someone ending up hurting even worse than they cuurently are.

>>18101611

But I guess being a father is not a 24/7 job, since you didn't adress it, and OP complaints were clearly made in relation to her husband.

Doesn't it hurt you to be this hypocritical and retarded?

>>18101129
Explain how this is making you feel to him and set up maybe 2 date nights a week.

Sad news buddy, until you are working in a career you have no idea how bad it fucks with your schedule. Normal work plus job growth stuff can eat up a crazy amount of time. Many business owners also spend 8 hours doing the work, then 2 hours of doing extra admin tasks.

You can do what you want, but after you start nursing a fuckload, this is going to be your same life too. Welcome to the shittyness that is career work.

> unplanned pregnancy

Birth control pills exist
Condoms exist
Fucking Plan B exists
How does an unplanned pregnancy still happen when you have a variety of options to prevent pregnancy at your fingertips??

Lemme guess, you still believed the pull-out method was a reliable form of birth control?

>>18102041
Inb4 > hurp durp, all those things are expensive

Still way cheaper than how much it costs to raise a child.

>>18101129
If you work hard as a nurse you can both work at paying off a house fast, then after that you can both just work part time and have tons of free time.

>>18101352
My wife is a stay-at-home mom and she kicks ass at being a mom. Still, it takes a lot out of her. I am a workaholic, 8 years older, and so on, our marriages look similar. I do try to help.

Some possible tips: He may be afraid of the baby. He loves the idea of being the great dad/provider, of course, but have you tried to leave him with the child for a whole day? I bet you never have. It is easier for you since the child is much more attached to you, but he should get involved. Tell him you think he should pull a bit of the weight in the child-rearing department, not just chase the $$$.

>>18101611
LOL discipline she's one year old.
>>18101648
Spot on. When I became pregnant, I told my then-fiance, and he was like great let's do this. I wanted an abortion, but he convinced me. He failed to mention that he was going to stick to his cultural (Russian) upbringing and not help out AT ALL with baby. If I had known that I would raise her alone with only monetary support I would not have had a child.
>>18101752
Ofc I would never actually be violent I just FELT that way it's an entirely different thing to act on your feelings...
>most men, are emotionally void
I just can't wrap my head around that.

>>18101774
I was honestly just in a bad mood last night. Soon after writing this post I went over and kissed him and he kissed me back and said "I love you" and then I felt fine. Women need attention like men need sexual release. He's just been super busy lately but didn't really communicate HOW busy he was so I assumed he was just using work as an escape.
>>18101778
>>18102041
Lol we fucked every day three times a day since the moment we first met. I'm surprised I didn't get preg sooner. Condoms are obnoxious and cause chafing. He has a big dick and magnums have broken on us several times before. We would use them along with those dissolving spermicide films, but sometimes we wouldn't have one on hand or it would be a really hot, spur of the moment thing.
Fuck birth control (pills, shots, etc.) I am NOT taking that shit. Messes with your body big time. We did use plan B. We've probably spent over 1k on plan B over the years.
Basically we just forgot a condom that night. He pulled out but he has very good sperm and I'm super fertile. We didn't think to buy Plan B until it was too late.

>>18102052
We already owned a house on a golf course and sold it. We're in the process of building a bigger, better house in the same neighborhood.
We will both always want to work full time because that's our personalities. Being a SAHM mom is just not for me. It was so horrible I don't know how any woman could bear it.
>>18102212
Tried to leave him with the child for the whoel day? Hahaha he would never. if I ran out the door he would call one of his sisters to babysit then be furious with me. It's such a shitty situation. I just don't understand how you can fail to mention something so important to someone.

>>18102025
Yes I know he's a business owner. We already have 2 date nights a week but not without baby. He loves his job, and I love what I'm studying, so hopefully I will love my job too.

How do You stop?

Know what You want.

Some woman will do better at being increadible mothers others unbelievable strong leaders.

Its between finding what Your heart really needs to feel full and avoiding google's in the process.
Others will find it best to be forever alone for every ones sake.

>>18103350
I was being sarcastic. The "nagging wife" stereotype is something men use to avoid their responsibilities. It's that fundamental difference between men and women. I never nag, I always have a good reason to ask anything of him.
The real issue here is obviously that we were not ready to become parents. I'm miserable and because I'm unhappy it affects him as well.
I think things will be fine once we put her in daycare. I didn't want to, my plan was always to feed her all well-balanced organic meals, take her to the park all the time, circle jerk with other moms over how much we love our kids and love being a mother...how REWARDING it is. I am still breastfeeding her, but will probably stop this summer. She is way too attached to me. Some of it was my fault (due to my inexperience. I had never even held a baby before I had her) but she's also just VERY healthy and bright and thus very active and curious. I just don't have the energy or desire to give her as much attention as she needs. It sounds shitty but at least I can acknowledge my flaws and find a solution. And when she's in daycare and I've gotten some solid me-time in, I'm certain that every minute I'll spend with her will be precious and cherished. I just can't do it for 12 hours a day. I start to lose my fucking mind.

Get a hobby.

Seriously. Learn to draw or some shit.

>Marriage sucks for women too

Divorce is a lunatic jackpot for women, except for in blue-moon cases where the husband is a full blown crackhead and the husband wins in divorce court.

>>18103498
You didn't read this thread. I would LOVE to be able to put time into my hobbies. Time is something I don't have. Bye.

>>18103501
I don't want a divorce though?? We have a family now and that would really suck if we divorced. Plus we have a PRENUP because I didn't have a cent to my name vs. he was really wealthy when we married. I thought it was very fair. My family is wealthy anyways plus I have a job with a solid income lined up. And I know you're not going to believe this but I really don't care about money a whole lot. Sure I like my nice car and I like to spend a lot of money on groceries because I enjoy cooking, but if we ever had to divorce I wouldn't TRY and take any of the money he earned before marriage. I have lived on my own and been very poor, and now I live on a golf course and we have 3 BMW's...and honestly the level of happiness and stress is the exact same in both situations.

>>18103688
if you just want more attention why don't you communicate with your fucking husband and tell him that yourself.

>>18103701
I don't want to beg for it because then it's not genuine and makes me feel needy and pathetic. I want him to want me.

>>18103776

> 3 BMWs
> Beautiful family
> Lives on golf course
> First world problems

This is what chastity cages are for.

>>18101129
>our baby to bed
do not come to 4chan with this shit

>>18103798
implying money solves all your problems

>>18103902
wat

>>18103305
So basically you fucked up. This is why you use protection no matter what. If you werent prepared for a baby then you dont have unprotected sex. Condoms caused chaffing? Was that worse than having a baby you didn't plan on having?

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>>18103305
> condoms have broken cuz his dick is too big

Then he didn't know how to properly wear a condom. Literally no excuse for your stupid decisions.

>>18101129
Calm down and talk to him about it. Don't do any dumb shit like fucking his best friend for months and then leaving in the middle of the day while he's at work. That'll piss him the fuck off and he'll kill that fucker and maybe you too!

>>18101303
>alimony

JUST

>>18104042
Have you never had sex with condoms before? They break easy if they are over stretched.

If you ran some neet's deathgrip hand up and down that leg the condom would snap before the 3rd stroke.

Go back in time and don't have a kid. They won't fill your void.

>>18103776
>I want him to want me.

Incredibly common for women. It's both understandable and unrealistic. Your partner will never be a mindreader and he will never want exactly what you want exactly when you want it.

You need to make some sacrifices and compromises. If you have wants and needs, communicate them.

>>18104084
Of course I have. And they've never broken once.

Granted I'm the type of girl who doesnt need penetration to get off so hes never had to fuck me hard enough for the condom to ever break.(I can orgasm multiple times from frottage alone) Ive never had to worry. I'm also on the pill.

>>18104014
>>18104014
it's just so easy to say but we all make stupid mistakes in life, this one just happened to have lifelong impacts. Guys, there's nothing I can do about it at this point so why are you even bitching? Just gotta make the best of the present situation.

>>18103329
I thought you'd say that when I asked you to try and leave him with the child for the whole day. He sucks at being a father, he is just a provider. If it helps, there are good odds he will warm up to the task as the kid grows. If he does not, you may have married a cold-hearted SOB.

It was an effort for me, because naturally I would stick my nose into my work, but I spend the time with them. Now my children often cry when I leave for work, and that means that I am doing something right.

>>18103305
I feel bad for the kid. Seems like he has shit, irresponsible parents. Y'all motherfuckers need Jesus.

>>18104116
>using the term frottage unironically

die

Just wow...

I dont think you qualify for 4chan...

Just wow...i think selfish is the word

>>18103776
Hate to burst your bubble. But men have wants and needs, are you meetinf them all the time?

I doubt it. Compromise and sacrifice.

>>18103305
>If I had known that I would raise her alone with only monetary support I would not have had a child.
You're just going to grow to resent him (and probably the kid too) for this.

>LOL discipline she's one year old.
You can discipline a 1 year old, at the very least don't give into her shitty behavior, babies at that age are smart.

okay i skimmed this thread cause it's tedious but if this has been brought up ignored it.

Why not fucking hire a full time, live in nanny if you have so much fucking money.

>>18101129
idk why you would have a kid with that man, but i guess its better than arguing over things you do every night right? if youre that bored go take your kid to the park or somewhere nice.

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>>18101303
Thank you

Thank you so very much

You're my hero