Depressed or maybe not...general frustrated rant

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I want cancer so I can die soon or at least have an excuse to die soon. I really can't cope with my life to be honest. It's too hard or I'm weak. Lmao, I already know how beautiful life and the world is now so I'm pretty content. Why do I have to keep slaving away to meet societal norms of beauty, finance, and everything in between for the next few decades... and how does one actually focus on one 'passion' or career to make for an entire lifetime? It's all pointless, and the pains aren't even worth it- proportionately speaking in terms of happiness. Happiness (generalized, normal, non-drug induced) isn't even that great of a feeling (examining it from a detached perspective and all that inspiration is starting to dull me because 'being better + stronger' seems like a linear goal to nowhere.

We have to inevitably live to see our loved ones pass away and see this world filled with so much bitterness, pointless bickering, drama, ego, hypersexuality, and worship of materialism. It's frustrating as fuck...and even if people are satisfied with achieving a 'family life' (generalized human goal) that is such a selfish and simplified thing to say...you'd think that with all of this materialism, evolution, interconnectivity via internet, and whatnot people would focus on less breeding and just adopting and taking care of unwanted kids, improving human health, and advancement in quality and methods of education in the world. We live in the OPPOSITE of the Renaissance or Enlightenment era. I really hate everything in our generation/society because it doesn't seem to be IMPROVING and hate that I am a helpless, bitter human being.... I've always felt (since I was around 5 or so) that I just wasn't meant to be here...