What's the Point?

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I have a littel Problem. I'm 26 and a virgin. Mainly related to growing up a bullied shut-in with social anxiety. Long story short, I overcame that, found lots of great friends, made interesting life experiences, achieved shit etc.
Never overcame my anxieties around girls, though I've had plenty of opportunities and even straight offers.
Few months back, I decided to work on that. But now, I just cannot help to think what the point of even trying now is. Like the best I can hope for is some girl using my inexperience to get an easy relationship where I get sex every now and then as reward for being a good doggy, whereas more experienced guys can fuck the girls first and then see whether a relationship develops or not. Guys who had their first realtionships, got their hearts broken, banged randomm girls until they found one who's really worth it. Whereas I have to go at this shit like a 15-year old boy, lose years and years playing catch - up until I'm finally a man who girls also see as a man who fucks them and not some hesitant pussy they can use at will.

I'M scared as fuck of falling for or even feeling the slightest thing for a girl, as that will put me at her mercy, and that's the worst thing imaginable.
It's irrantional, negative and not based in reality, yet it makes me so depressed i cannot eve enjoy the company of others anymore and neglect doing my stuff over it. Like some grey, foggy wall that separates me from the world I used to enjoy. And I just cannot shake it. A few months back, it was jsut fun to finally push against my anxieties and capitalise on the fact that girls are attracted to me, but now I can't even get myself to have a good time with a few friends, never mind try to get with girls.
I feel so old, like I cannot allow myself to make the slightest mistake anymore, like I have to get the experience others right now, as fast as possible and without letting a relationship or even the tiniest amount of feeling hinder my progress.