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How can I stop judging my wife for not working? I am the sole

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How can I stop judging my wife for not working?

I am the sole breadwinner and she stays at home. We don't have children, and we live in a one bedroom apartment. I feel like she should be at least looking for employment.

She says now that this is becoming a major issue for her. When she says that I don't put any effort into the relationship, I remind her that she lives for free. This hurts her feelings because she now believes that I think she's worthless.

Can provide additional details upon request.
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If she's not a mom yet then she's just a NEET you've bankrolled. Either knock her up or tell her to get a damn job.
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what the fuck does she do all day
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Are you military? She sounds like a dependa
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>>18088039
Neither of us have interest in becoming parents
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TL;DR she IS useless until she finds a job and contributes her fair share and you should help her to find a job, take NO excuses, otherwise leave her for someone worth your time

you are right to remind her she lives for free

im a firm beleive in the 50/50 principle where applicable. she doesnt play for anything, she stays at home all day. you are at work.

of course she will feel like you dont put effort into the relationshit when she is always fucking alone at the house or out doing who knows what

what you need to do is encourage her to find a job, one weekend, take time out to fill out applications with her. get her motivated. she is right to feel bad and to think you think she is useless

you pay all the bills, she gives you pussy and hopefully often (hopefully yall enjoy your sex or thats a whole other problem)

what im trying to say is you provide almost, if not almost everything, shes just a mooching pussy and mouth for your relief as it is

she contributes jack shit. and its up to her, with your assitance, so find a job so she can actually pull her weight otherwise she can shut up

if she wont find a job, leave her. find someone who will contribute. what happens if you can work? who will provide for you until you are able once more. hopefully you have money saved away for this as well anon
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>>18088040
I think from 7:30 when I go to work til about 12 pm, she stays in bed. The rest of the time is spent cleaning, doing laundry, or watching videos on her ipad
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>>18088047
No. Not military. I'm an immigrant, and also a recent graduate who got lucky with a really nice entry level position in IT. I started just last year and have some pretty significant debt due to out of state tuition that I need to pay off, on top of living expenses.
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>>18088050
Then what the fuck, man?
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>>18088052
I think you may be correct that being alone all day amplifies the issue for her. She feels as though she isn't my "first concern" in a lot of ways. She actually just brought this up tonight. She also says that I'm "only nice 30% of the time".

Basically I'm looking for a way to get over her unemployment, because I don't think it will go away soon. We've been together about 8 years and she has worked for one of those years. The rest of the time, she lived on her father's income.

The sex has become pretty infrequent. Maybe once every two weeks. This wasn't my concern, even if it has gone downhill. I don't see sex as a valuable service she provides, even if she did more often. If anything, it might just become a leveraging tool if I thought of it that way.

No, I don't have money saved. I just graduated and have significant debt since I just started working about six months back. Got a nice gig at least, but it's basically all on me. I don't think we could live off her income if I lost my job. She doesn't have many skills, work experience, or education
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Give her a baby. make her get a phone teller job during the pregnancy do shell realize how good she has it
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>>18088068
I... don't know. I'm looking into self improvement to get past the whole idea. I don't think she will work. We moved to this area for my job in July but she hasn't applied anywhere in that time, so it's either: 1) Get over it, or 2) Resent her further and destroy the marriage slowly
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>>18088084
I'm surprised by the number of responses suggesting parenthood. I really, really do not want children in my life. I told her long ago that if she decides later that she wanted children, i would end the relationship. This probably came off as an ultimatum or emotional blackmail, but I reallly do not want kids, now or ever
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Better have her finding something to do with her spare time or else she'll wind up cheating on you.
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you should probably have a serious talk about her future. where she sees herself in the next year, 5 years and beyond. being unemployed for long will snowball and makes you less employable in the future.
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If she hasn't already she's probably going to start cheating on you with things like this. Have a deep talk aND get your thoughts out in the open. Otherwise you're probably going to get a messy divorce where you'll get the short end of the stick.
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>>18088055
Its your fault for being with a NEET. Try to be with a person who is equal or better than you but never worst.
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>>18088095
The problem is bro, you're desperate. There's no reason to put up with this shit if you weren't. And that's something you can only fix with self-improvement. Dump her, go to the gym, get out of debt, work on yourself. I'm not sure what you're looking for out of this thread
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>>18088033
Your making being your partner be a job basically. That's not how relationships work. She should honestly leave you.
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>>18088335
how lol she has no job
she's played herself and lost if that's the route she's gonna take
There's no point in being a stay at home mom if you have no kids and this dude doesn't want no trophy wife.
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>>18088033
People who don't work for a lIvins don't have any perspective in relation to people who do. Full time work can really fuck with you and wear you down, but most people understand this and deal with it.

People who dont make that sacrifice will say dumb shit like "you always seem tired". Lol, welcome to fucking reality. Maybe suggest that she find a part time lazy state job so it gives her some soending money and builds up retirement years since social security is going to ass rape both of you by the time you need to collect it.
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>>18088033
Kill her
Then torment yourself endlessly with the fact that she will never, ever work until you die and end up being a filthy NEET too
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>>18088086
You are trying to change something in you that is not inherently wrong in any particular way, just to please someone else.

That's a major issue. A major issue with you, not your lazy wife.

Do what you please, but know this: without kids (a somewhat valid reason for your wife not to work) your marriage is going to fail miserably and that does not necessarily mean you are getting a divorce.
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>>18088033
Give us the additional details, because I see a lack of emlathy on both sides. You resent your wife and you need to be honest about it. That is completely normal. I can help you deal with the resentment by giving you feedback, but you need to tell me more. I am not a therapist and have no training...I'm just married like you and I have similar issues in my marriage.
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>>18088033
She needs to get a job, anon. She needs to be looking.
She's not your pet, she's a goddamn human being and needs to support herself.
This is the 21st century, she has no excuse.
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>doesn't work
>doesn't want kids
>doesn't have a lot of sex

Just why is she your wife?
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Fuck dude, where do I get a husband that would foot the bill? Then I could have time to pursue all the hobbies I want to do and would enjoy and COULD make money off of but don't have time. I could actually gain the knowledge and skills I want without constantly worrying if I will be able to afford bills along with school. I could maintain my home and myself the way I want. Fuck.
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>>18089288
I wish I had a wife that would let me stay at home in my PJ's all day playing video games. :/
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>>18088033
You give no indication of whether you've ever talked to her about this.

Does she know your financial situation? Explain to her that you NEED a second income to pull the both of you out of debt.
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>>18088064
POO IN LOO
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