Need /adv/ pls

Then two years ago I decided I wanted to live overseas, she wasn’t that keen at first but eventually agreed and we moved overseas, found a flat and moved in together. Both got jobs (she earns twice as much as me though and still pays for lots of things, meals / trips etc.). All was good, then her Dad got sick, she flew home, he eventually died and she stayed home for 4 months with her family. After her Dad’s death she considered never coming back but eventually did, for a few months she was extremely moody, we got into arguments over nothing, she was constantly criticising me, bringing up the money thing – although she pays at the time she often uses the fact she ‘earns more’ and ‘pays more’ against me during arguments.

During this time I moved on a little bit – there are things in the relationship that upset me, but seem tiny compared to the bigger picture. For instance we tend to do what she wants to do all the time, go places she likes for trips, days out etc etc. She hasn’t really made many friends here so wants to spend all her time with me. And then a lingering feeling, I don’t know what it is, things just felt – samey – boring.

Last year I went overseas for an extended trip and met someone, kissed her the first night. Felt like absolute shit and didn’t kiss her again, but spent every day with her – ending up spending a night together cuddling and talking etc etc etc. Told her I had a girlfriend, she said I was an arsehole and telling her only served to make me feel better and her worse. She was right.

Kept talking to her for a few weeks, even when I was back home. Then broke it off, never saw it.

NYE – spent two weeks in NYC. Didn’t do anything until NYE when a 8/10 QT showed an interest in me, got too drunk, kissed her a couple of times. Felt like shit.

Since moving oversea girlfriend has been pounding the gym (as not many friends) and has never looked better, is definitely an 8 or 9/10 now but still I don’t know. Sparks gone or something, sex comes once, maybe twice a week and is goodish, not great.

One thing I haven’t mentioned is that I literally don’t tell anyone I have a girlfriend, don’t know why, arsehole I guess. Hide my facebook from people etc etc so people don’t know.
There’s a girl at work (let’s call her A) who I’ve always slightly fancied, she’s very pretty, not sure if hotter than girlfriend but maybe, is very different looking though. White vs. Asian girlfriend. Used to like A bit but got over it and moved on, she has a boyfriend – but he’s a dick and she always complains about him – but they live together with shared mortage and it would be too much work to leave him she says.

Earlier this year we all went for a drink after work and everyone bailed, so A and I had dinner and drinks together. Was an ABSOLUTE BLAST. Dared me to kiss her on the lips once – just a peck – so I did, she giggled and loved it. After date my interest went from a 1 – 8.
Been flirting pretty consistently since, just fucking about nothing has happened. Till last night, went out for a big drinks night with work, kept making eye contact, winking, smiling at her etc. Spent much of the night chatting to another very pretty girl at the bar – mostly to make A jealous – I could tell it was working. Got far too drunk, confessed my feelings to A and got back, “I’m not saying I don’t want to, I want to but I just can’t right now. I want to kiss you, I really do but it’s not a good time.”

Still live with girlfriend, have a great flat, a lease, been together for ages and she moved overseas with me. Like her A LOT, but I just can’t stop being interested in other girls and even acting on it.

What do?