Open Relationship

>>18082277
Three options
1). Suck it up and get over it. You're in an open relationship, and especially since you're fucking other guys you need to put up with it.
2). Call it quits on the open relationship and try to get the both of you in an exclusive relationship.
3). Break up with him. If you can't do either of the top two choices then you can't handle the relationship.

>>18082306
Thanks, very straight forward, appreciated.

>>18082277
>"open relationship"
死
>But I see other men on casual
Why are you turning your bf into a beta cuck?
>sees another girl
No he doesn't.
>of being with other men
BETA KEK
>I overdose on painkillers
No you don't. If you've been to the hospital then why are you asking 4chan for advice...(get professional help)
>will not be fair nor right
To yourself or him? I mean at this point why bother? Find someone else you guys are done.
>disgusted with myself
Stop being this way and be honest. It's not working out. Distance is death to a relationship. Why deny him happiness because you're unwilling to seek it out for yourself in someone else?

OOOOOooooooor you could stop taking your bc and have a kid with him. If you only care about yourself this will fix things.

>>18082320
This is the dumbest shit I ever read, everything is a lie to you and you answer a made up problem, get off /adv/, you are the most useless advice giver I have had the displeasure of meeting.

>>18082320
What a useless post

Most things in life can be bottled down to two to three options, no matter how hard they look like. In your case:

1) break up. You make use of the benefit of an open relationship, but doesn't feel good about the other part doing so. It's unfair to both to change that.
2) grow up and owe your choices. You apparently chose it in mutual accordance with him.

>>18082339
Tell me, how many long distance relationships have you seen survive successfully? It's not a moral deficiency in the subjects, humans just aren't made that way. I'm also a firm believer in the lowest common denominator; even if OP's bf is sleeping around with other women, does that really make for a successful relationship OR an easier situation to remedy? Sexual comparability is paramount to a healthy relationship in most people. I mean, we can't really know the specifics about OP's life, we can only offer generalizations about the way that humans interact in society. Am I though? Not all advice is positive...

Same shit happened to me last year with my ex, and yes .. she is now my ex, she lives in Spain now,, she started to see other guys, I lied to her I told her i was seeing other girls, I just cried every night... It took me three months not talking to her and put my shit together,,, starting dating again.... now I'm in a new relationship .... much healthier one. I guess she didn't love me that much ... if you feel you love him .... tell him so and get together NOW!

>>18082356
You claimed all parts of my issue were false, thus solving a whole made up issue of your choosing. Before I moved in with him I was faithful for 4 years in a long distance and so was he, I would visit him for weeks to months bi or tri-yearly before this. I loved him enough to go through with that. Long distance is nothing new to us. The pain is familiar.
>>18082351
Fair assessment, I'll think it over, appreciated.
>>18082361
Whole thought process was that we both enjoy taking care of these primal urges and our love was above it and could not be changed. That we use other bodies for our pleasure for the time being, but sex between us and our love was above all. That feelings would not change for each other just because of sex with other people. I felt above it, I felt that I could rationalize and understand the concept. But within me came these deep feeling of anger and sadness, explainable, and shameful.
I wish we could get together but he lives far away and is not financially stable, and I need my education. I am not sure what to do other than what >>18082320 said and get pregnant to end it all.

>>18082306

First response got it in one, everyone who says the same also has a point OP.

You know what you gotta do. Not everyone can handle open relationship, in fact the vast majority can't. There's no shame in that. You know you this isn't working for you.

This involves you both so from here you have to talk to him about it, and decide what you want to do, together.

>>18082406
Thank you, this is it exactly, and thank you everyone.

>>18082374
>but he lives far away and is not financially stable, and I need my education

Listen, you need to look out for you. Don't take my nihilism in >>18082320 to be meaningful. Stop fooling yourself that...
>these primal urges and our love was above it
is meaningful. It's not.
>sex with other people
You're describing classic symptoms of a failing relationship.
>I could rationalize
But why tho. Why should you have to do mental gymnastics to be happy in a relationship?
>feeling of anger and sadness, explainable, and shameful
Do you like this? Is this fun for you? Then why persist?

Having a child that you don't want will not fill the vacuum that your lost lover has created. Focus on yourself.

>>18082412
I feel as though I'd do anything to keep the relationship together, even be in pain and this turmoil. I find it very hard and incredibly difficult to focus on myself and let go of my relationship with him. I would want the child, I always wanted one. I don't know what to do, he was there in the worst of times, and he was there and was the best of times for me. He was my comfort all my life and understood me like no one else did in this world, and loved me how I wanted to be loved. I feel very helpless. I will listen to you, but I do not know how far I must go and how hard I must hit rock bottom to finally realize what you are saying. It feels like I can go on forever until it breaks me.

File: 10345763526.jpg (21KB, 118x127px) Image search: [Google]

21KB, 118x127px

>we love each other very much, and are in an "open relationship"

I disqualify myself from advising you. I will never understand that situation.

>>18082424
Anecdote time?

Are you so selfish that you'd condemn another person a life of (at best) mediocrity because you're not having a healthy relationship and you believe you should?

I've seen this; my best friend is raising a child with a woman who I'm not entirely sure he's in love with because they moved apart. She needed her education, he had a high paying job. She slept around (I was the guy among others), he did not (I was living with him).

You're right that I don't know if my situation is analogous to yours. I'd only offer as evidence the wreckage of what use to be a great friendship and what I'd wish could have happened.

Lastly, you are responsible for your actions. If you have a child with this person, you should consider that that child's existence is more important than your own and that you exist only for that child's benefit. To think otherwise is to cause harm to it.

Am I helping? You deserve to be happy for your own sake...try it.

>>18082454
I would never have a child unless he and I both find financial stability, and I my education, and house and car and all necessities to raise a child in a nurturing environment. But, I understand, I feel guilty for even considering. The issue is that I am only happy when I am with him...regardless, perhaps I need the extreme of therapy. Even when I was with him, that happiness did not last because of financial instability and the need for my education grating on me. Thank you for being sincere with me. I appreciate it. I will have to think. It is very difficult.

>>18082454
What would you think I should do in the end? What options do I have, honestly? Please.. just options.

>>18082468
>It is very difficult.
And it's going to be.
>I feel guilty for even considering
Crazy thoughts come from being in a bad situation. Don't blame yourself for thinking bad thoughts.
>I am only happy when I am with him
>I need the extreme of therapy
Therapy isn't ever really extreme but it will make a difference if you keep with it. Remember, noone on 4chan is a professional.

Best of luck to you kiddo; if you're not happy it only mean you've got work to do.

>>18082484
>What would you think I should do?
If I cared enough I'd look up the passage in L'Être et le néant by Sartre about asking a professor about going to war. Suffice to say, you've already made up your mind to ask strangers for advice; why not ask a professional stranger. Therapy.

THERE CAN BE NO OTHER WAY.