Learning Romance later in life.

>>18081574
You're like the fucking retarded women I've met who can't figure out how to spend less money than they have.

"Well no one taught me how to make a budget when I was younger, so I can't."

If you want to do it, you would try, try to figure out where you're failing, and then try again.

If you want to do it, what you're not going to do is sit there wishing the past were different, and completely fail to act.

>>18081916
>You're like the fucking retarded women I've met who can't figure out how to spend less money than they have.

Well its fairly easy to give targeted advice when it comes to budgeting beyond try and figure out where you are failing

Could you do the same in this circumstance

>If you want to do it, you would try, try to figure out where you're failing, and then try again.

I know, I was just seeing if there were any tips to help me better address those factors that are causing me trouble.

>>18081934
No one knows where you're having trouble, and from what you've written, you're not having trouble -- you're simply not doing anything at all.

The comparison to "waah I can't learn to budget" isn't about an actual inability to do something, it's to illustrate that it's the same stupid, shitty attitude that YOU have.

As far as getting "tips", there's this web search engine called "Google", and with it you can find a lot more information and general advice that you ever will on 4chan. I'm surprised you've never heard of it.

Shit, you could even read other threads here on /adv to see what sort of advice people are giving for problems that are coming up.

Unless you are actually stupid, it looks like what you are seeking here isn't advice, but to whine and have people pat you on the head.

>>18082120
>No one knows where you're having trouble, and from what you've written, you're not having trouble -- you're simply not doing anything at all.

Ive outlined my troubles succinctly but to make it even shorter "how should one go about pursuing romance when they are new to it in their mid to late 20s"


>The comparison to "waah I can't learn to budget" isn't about an actual inability to do something, it's to illustrate that it's the same stupid, shitty attitude that YOU have.

+

>Unless you are actually stupid, it looks like what you are seeking here isn't advice, but to whine and have people pat you on the head.

I think you must be reading something into what I have written that simply is not there. Im not bemoaning my circumstances or refusing to accept responsibility for them. Im only asking for advice on how I should progress.

>As far as getting "tips", there's this web search engine called "Google", and with it you can find a lot more information and general advice that you ever will on 4chan. I'm surprised you've never heard of it.

Im not limiting myself to this thread its just another part of my inquiry. Its almost like you have forgotten which board we are on.

>Shit, you could even read other threads here on /adv to see what sort of advice people are giving for problems that are coming up.

None of the threads are dealing with issues that this specific.

Whats with all the hostility?

What do you want a relationship for? Are you bored?

>>18082465
>What do you want a relationship for?
Because Ive grown a desire to share romantic experiences and have eventually children.

>>18081574
Hey, Anon.

I was in a pretty similar position to you just after I finished university. There had been a few girls I'd been interested in up to that point, but for different reasons in each case none of them worked out or progressed to anything like a romantic relationship, even though a few were pretty close.

I was just waiting for it to kind of find me, really. Seeing what opportunities life put directly in my path. At 22 I'd decided that wasn't getting anywhere so I chose to make a conscious effort towards a relationship.

I started off by installing a gimmicky little dating app called Happn that shows people you passed by, which was amusing and a first step but nothing ever came of it. I also just stayed aware of women I'd meet in places where it wouldn't be weird to strike up a conversation, like at a fitness class or something.

(1/2)

>>18082479
(2/2)
For me, and it seems you have a similar approach, I was interested more in finding something based on personalities than appearances so the dating app I used was OKCupid rather than Tinder or whatever else. You can take the time to build a profile to give people an idea of who you are and what you're looking for, and it eliminates the difficulty you mentioned of not being able to get past the platonic stage of a relationship seeing as you've made it clear you're looking for a romantic relationship on your profile, and you can expect everyone else is too.

Just reach out to people. Be the one to make that effort and see where it gets you. You'll probably even enjoy checking out the profile, thinking about what you like about someone and getting to know them a little.

As it happens, my partner found me on OKC. The only time it wasn't me to initiate contact, actually. It sounds cliché but she's everything I could ever want in a woman. I was open with her from the start about my inexperience, and she was very understanding of it; not that it ever caused problems anyway. She knew she was the first woman I'd shared a bed with and my only sexual partner, and maybe it was a very slight issue for her at a time (mostly because she was worried about being the older woman with a younger man), but it didn't prevent our relationship from developing, and for me I like having a level of intimacy with her that I've not had with anyone else. I know she does too.

Anyway, TL;DR put yourself in situations that will open your opportunities of forming the relationship you want, don't think too much about the fact that you're inexperienced, and just go with it. Like the other anon said, a lot of it is just a matter of trying, and working it out for yourself.

Good luck, anon

>>18082481
>>18082479
Thanks for sharing.

>Anyway, TL;DR put yourself in situations that will open your opportunities of forming the relationship you want,

Outside of online dating what are some other examples of you putting yourself in those kinds of situations

>>18082490
I mentioned fitness classes which are a good way to see the same people regularly and you've immediately got a common link, so it's easy to start off a conversation with that as a starting point. Moreso than for example trying to talk with someone you see regularly on public transport or something like that. Not to say that isn't an option if you're feeling more bold though. I generally socialised more at work and after work and got involved in the more communal aspects to meet people outside of my small team.

If you talk to someone who's in a relationship for long enough in a social context they'll probably mention their boyfriend at some point. If not and you're interested, strike up a conversation next time you see them around or if it's going particularly well you could always ask if they want to talk more over lunch soon or whatever.

Also if you've got time you could try volunteering which would open you up to a new group of people. As you're still at uni then you could check out if any of the societies interest you. That way you've got a group of people who you've immediately got something in common with, which would be stronger than a joint fitness class like I mentioned earlier.

>>18082522
With those small groups can it be a problem if you try an make such a connection with many people in the group?

Any other mistakes to avoid in those types of settings?

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bump before I turn in for the day

>>18082807

I think that depends on how overt you are. Seems you have no problems with making casual conversation and making friends, so you know how to act appropriately. To be honest I wasn't at all lucky with this and anyone I was interested in was already with someone, but there weren't any awkward knockbacks (well once but these things happen) and as far as they and I were concerned we were just in casual conversation.

If in a group of 20 you've asked 7 girls out in the space of a month then yes people will probably talk. If however you're on good friendly terms with many people in the group I don't think people will think anything of it.

I guess I'd say think of being part of these groups as beneficial to you in their own right and not just an avenue to women. Don't be there to pick up, but if you meet someone while you're there then great.

Is there any reason why you ask about alternatives to online dating? I was reluctant at first but it was definitely the most conducive thing I did towards getting into a relationship. I'd really recommend looking in your social environments as well as using a dating site.

OKC for instance has great privacy options so my page couldn't be found through Google and my pictures were delisted from the image search, even after I accidentally left privacy mode off long enough to be caught up in the web crawler. Quick and simple request fixed that.

>>18083041
>I think that depends on how overt you are. Seems you have no problems with making casual conversation and making friends, so you know how to act appropriately.

Yeah at making friends, however its a very different game from making partners. There isnt a lead from one to the other with me.

>Is there any reason why you ask about alternatives to online dating? I was reluctant at first but it was definitely the most conducive thing I did towards getting into a relationship. I'd really recommend looking in your social environments as well as using a dating site.

Because Im trying to get as much advice as possible rather than just avoiding one specific option.

>>18084094
>>18083041

Adding to that online dating is also a bad primary option given I live in a comparatively small town

>>18081574
It might sound retarded as fuck, but read:

"How to make anyone like you"
and "How to make anyone fall in love with you"
both by Leil Lowndes.

As well read "No more Mr Nice guy" to avoid common psychological mistakes.