I just finished a good old masturbation,i have a folder with

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I just finished a good old masturbation,i have a folder with my favorite pics and stuff.But i clicked on a old folder with nice pics of my ex girlfriend,i started masturbating furiously. After that I started to cry a lot. We didn't break up
dispute or something like that,her mother had some inconvenient about me,i am a good guy with a big heart and I loved her more than i love myself. Long story short,after almost 2 years passed and looks like i still suffer,i want this pain to end.
After the fap i mentioned earlier and the cry,i had a strong feeling about suicide,non ironic and not as a joke.It was the first time an urge that bad of suicide took over me.
How do I recover? I tried a lot of metods.I feel incomplete
Sorry for the lack of context and bad typing or anything else about this post,I write this in a hurry.