Need a rewarding existence

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Yesterday I had existential crisis number six or so, and decided I want to do more shit that is fun. I want to see if EMT is closer to rewarding, or disgusting/horrifying, because there could be some bros there etc. There's a school up the road that costs like 36k a year, which is a fucking bitch, but they teach honestly high level vocal performance, and they are known for psychology (I'm interested in being a social worker/counselor).

I was spending the past few months thinking, goddamn I am poor. I haven't even done a few months of career training...just been wandering around looking for a reasonable place for a young person to live for years. We po' as shit now, goddamn.

So I started getting my shit together really quick-like, but all that didn't prevent me from becoming numb and lonely, even when tons of people were around.

I think I need to lighten up and make sure that my existence is rewarding and fun as well as practical. I mean, my grandfather is still very alive, but beginning to take his leave...There's no time to waste being overly practical. We're all going to die in an amount of time that passes mostly without notice.

Don't you agree? Being so numbers-oriented, serious...about business. It can be stupid. Feedback/advice appreciated.