What IS love?

I oftentimes wonder about it myself, and the more I think, the less I'm sure of anything. My girlfriend always says that she 'loves me with her mind', but to me to say that is akin of admitting that this is just materialism, a simple understanding that the person is 'useful' therefore worth sticking with, as he may provide comfort/pleasure. To me that's kinda shallow, I don't know, hence I'm confused.

Explore the concept of selflessness and love more deeply. Find a volunteer program at a church or something organized at work that you can join in on that helps real people.

It took me working in a kitchen making meals for inner city black kids to realize my deep white privilege. I had the luxury of just giving up at life and moving into my moms basement where I can post nihilistic garbage from the air conditioned comfort of my keyboard. Your options are limited growing up as a black kid with a drug addicted mother, where the only warm meals you ever get are a free lunch that your white friends parents hate you for getting.

They dont know real love. They dont have the luxury to think abstractly when your life is a giant hustle.

Explore selflessness and maybe you will find humility and compassion.

Love is a choice you make, not really based on feelings. You can love someone without actually feeling affection for them by taking care of their needs and dealing with them non judgementally or expecting anything in return.

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>>18080097
Love is only a chemical reaction in your brain

>>18080097
The main thing is finding what you want to live for. Some people decide their goal or passion in live, and live for that, some people fall into it, fall in love and live for love, or music, or marine biology, sometimes it work, sometimes it doesn't.

If you're always afraid to commit to anything, there's no way you can d anything to its fullest. If you commit fully one hundred percent to curling, or trombone playing, or water colors, in one year you could be at the top of the game, reaping the benefits, or maybe you crashed and burned, but then you know, you're free to try out gymnastics or graphic design, or accounting.

Meanwhile if you spent that year agonizing over what to commit to, without committing to anything, then at the end of that year you probably haven't even ruled anything out.

Most of our big choices in life we are not 100% sure about. Almost all.
But that's just life, yo
I committed to love at 19 years old, like an idiot. I am 33, and it's still the best choice I ever made.

>>18080097
I question the notion that /adv is a hivemind or that there is a group consensus that love is meaningless or only brings misery.

Even if it were true though, you have your own brain, and you can make your own decision about what the idea of "love" means to you, and what you find to be of value.

In the sense of romantic love, I don't believe in the idea of a "soulmate". I know that there are a lot of people that I am capable of loving (and of being loved by). What I want is someone that I like and respect, and who I think is worth committing to bonding with for mutual benefit. My expectation of them is that they want the same from me.

This isn't a dispassionate trade. There are strong emotions involved in this bonding, including trust, and the romantic partner tends to become the most important social outlet as well. Losing this person is traumatic.

That the loss will happen is inevitable because if nothing else, everyone dies. That lack of permanence doesn't mean something isn't worthwhile.

>>18080198
As is any sort of sentience or consciousness that we as humans have. So?

>>18080097

I don't know, but I think it's when you can't really explain (or care to explain) why you like something. You just do and no amount of rational argument will convince you otherwise. You're not interested in deconstructing your reasons behind it, not because you're afraid you might be proven wrong, because you don't care about testing it in the first place.
Probably why love seems irrational from the outside. It's a very subjective thing.

>>18080097

love is greater than the sum of its parts.

its just a chemical reaction intended to drive our reproduction but its created so many more great things that have nothing to do with that.

when it comes to relationships we generally tell people its just a chemical reaction because they often lament on how their life is NOTHING without their partner, or that they'll never meet someone again cuz that was their soul mate etc. etc.

we are trying to teach people that life is not defined by romance. just because its NOT the most important thing in the world doesn't mean you shouldn't date, nor does it mean that you shouldn't feel sad when it ends.

but the large majority of westerners define their entire existence by who they are dating. most people saw lala land and hated the ending becuase the couple didn't end up together.

EVEN THOUGH THEY HAD BOTH ACHIEVED THEIR LIFE LONG DREAMS THAT ACTUALLY DEFINED THEIR LIVES FOR MORE THAN TWO DECADES BEFORE MEETING EACH OTHER!

but people still hated it because it went against what disney films had taught them: that nothing else matters as long as you have a date.