BF of 1,5 years wants to break up because i said no to proposal...

He wants out the relationship, there's nothing you can do.

>>18074697
>is there anything I can do to make him stay?

yes, marry him.

>>18074697
>want to marry him in future

If you want to marry him, then why not say yes and wait a few years/whatever until having the wedding?

>>18074706
x2

>>18074698
But there must be some way! I dont know what to do if i lose him now.

>>18074706
But it's too early in my opinion right now I've lived with him only a year and couple monnths. I want to live with him atleast couple more years before marriage because I want to be completely sure he would be the one.

>>18074708
I dont want to be just engaged for many years before getting married, engagement means to me that we start planning wedding and set the date.

>>18074722
Sounds like you aren't really committed to him and you're more upset at the idea of being single than losing him...

>>18074697
If he doesn't change his mind: No. There is nothing you can do.

>>18074722
Dude needs someone more mature than you.

If he really loved you he would never want to be away from you

If he can leave that easily youve dodged a bullet.

Now youre free to find real love

>>18074729
I am commited to him but marriage is big thing for me and its just too early to think about marriage after 1,5 years of relationship....

Wtf is wrong with you guys? 1.5 years is way too early to be thinking about marriage. Your bf is petty as fuck since he's leaving without another word. If he really loved you he would understand your reasonable request to wait awhile.

Has he threatened breakup in the past to get what he wants op?

>>18074791
1.5 years is plenty of time.

>>18074751
>marrying someone after a year together

lmao this is exactly how you get alimony raped.

>>18074793
No, it isn't. At 1 year of dating they should move in together, not get into a lifelong contract. No wonder divorce rates are so high when people like you are racing to the altar.

>>18074801
the average age of first marriage continues to go up and so does the divorce rate

stats don't like and you're wrong

>>18074791
No never he hasn't threatened to break up with me, ever. Our relationship has been nothing but loving and excellent and we have barely ever even had arguments.

We had serious long discussion about this a couple days after i said no to him, and today he told me he has thought about this thing and breaks up with me. Im shocked and dont know what to do now...

>>18074809
>>18074793

THIS. I am engaged after 1 year of relationship.

>>18074809
Average age of marriage has nothing to do with length of courtship before marriage, retard. Have you ever been in a long relationship? Or do you think every relationship over a month must be The One because she's put up with you so long?

>>18074814

Well, you have embarrassed him.

As well what do you wish from us? He is gone.

>>18074818
What you just said seems quite retarded.

The age of marriage would be directly correlated with the length of courtship because they're both measured by time. I can't date a girl for 3 years and not fucking age.

>>18074814
That's really unfortunate OP. If you didn't embarass him while he was proposing, and you indicated you still wanted to marry, just in the future, I don't know what to tell you.

Try Reddit.com/r/relationships. I'm shocked so many people are encouraging a decades long contract after a year of dating. Even just googling "how long to date before marriage" and all the responses are a couple years at least.

he is leaving just like that? sounds like he doesnt really love you

>>18074814
Well what you did was a huge fuck you to his ego. He told you he loves you and wants you forever and you said nah, I think something better will come along.

I'd leave a chick too if she told me she was just waiting for something better.

>>18074752
this probably. if the bf can leave just like that, he's probably desperate to put a ring on someone ASAP regardless of who it is.
If he doesn't try to come back after a while because he realises he's overreacting, I'd say good riddance.

>>18074809
>the average age of first marriage continues to go up
I don't see why you write this as this does in no way whatsoever imply that people are in their relationship for a longer time before they marry.

>>18074823
you can also date a girl for 3 years, break up, find another and propose to her within a year because you're desperate since you're already 30 years old.

>>18074823
You can sleep around and have short relationships until you're 30. Then get in a year long relationship, panic, and settle down for kids without ever knowing the person. Honestly, I think that's the problem. Women are marrying later to focus on their careers, then get desperate when their clocks start ticking and pair off fast.

>>18074826
OP explained that she wants to date and marry him in the future, it's just too soon. Her bf's ego is way too big if he's so injured by that he leaves.

>inb4 OP turns out to be like 18 years old

>>18074697
1.5 years.
Holy shit m8, thats a fucking blink.

>>18074842
No I'm 27 and bf is 30 and both have had relationships before but still i think it's too early to get married after just 1,5 yrs of being togheter.

>>18074697

Without reading anything else it simply sounds like his pride was hurt and he's doing what he thinks he has to, if he wanted to marry you I doubt he will want to give up this easily on your future together. Just send him a message if you're not able to and really explain your feelings for him, and that your rejection of his proposal was simply because the timing isn't right, maybe even say something like you want to get married when you're set up like career/house etc. but you definitely want it to be with him. If he still refuses after this then there is something wrong with him.

>>18074876
>27 and 30

This explains it. He hit that magic number, 30, and is now panicking about not having a marriage locked down. If he wants kids, that will add extra pressure. Don't give in OP, he's desperate, and clearly doesn't love you that much if he's willing to ditch you so fast.

>>18074839
Actions speak louder than words and reveal true character. She told him that she's waiting for someone better when she rejected the proposal.

Hopefully he'll find someone more compatible with himself now.

>>18074833
I'm never getting married because women can't be trusted.

>>18074899
That's funny because OP's boyfriend is exhibiting the exact same behavior. Getting old, panicking, looking for a marriage that's doomed to fail so he can make a few fuck trophies.

>>18074897
>if your gf of three days proposes and you say no, you're clearly waiting for someone better bro

If this is all it takes for him to break up with you I'd say you dodged a bullet. That's incredibly petty and immature of him.

>>18074900
not that other guy, why should he be looking for a marriage if he doesn't want to get married? Makes zero sense.

>>18074897
is this the infamous /r9k/ logic? how the fuck can you be this insecure?

>>18074697
If you want to marry him eventually why not just accept his prosal and set the date for a few years away? It's not odd to take 2+ years to plan a wedding.

>>18074959
Because thinking about wanting to marry someone is not the same as being ready to actually do it. Geez.

1.5 years is really not a lot of time to get to know someone SO well that you will readily commit to spending the rest of your life with them, even if you are considering it.

>>18074697
Well he wants a wife
About time you let him find one :)
though I have no fucking idea what's wrong with this dude's head, wanting to marry a female on 4chin
That's like asking for a life of pain.

>>18074697
>>18074722
he'll find someone like you. if you love him let him go.

>>18074876
Well, I know you care a lot about him, but I wouldn't be too worried. He will find his happiness in a girl who wants to get young and who can give him a family with whom he can be happy and grow old with fond memories. Japan and Korea are packed with such women--I would know, since my Korean wife is the paragon of a good wife and mother.

Don't worry, he'll still be happy.

>>18074900
I just don't trust women and don't want to get married. I don't need to. I've never been in a codependent relationship or been emotionally close to a female. It's just a bad bet.

But I get romantics like ops man. Maybe you're right about the age thing though.

I'd like to let my heart hang out but I can't.

>>18074912
I'm a film major and see nothing but the meaning behind actions. If I were to write that then that would be the intention behind the action. That is the subtext of rejecting a proposal.

I am the type of person to drop a female for one indiscretion. Chick treats me wrong for a moment and I'm ghosting.

>>18074962
It seems like plenty of time to me and obviously him too. Just let him go, you're not on the same page and probably won't be for some time.

>>18074962
1.5 years is a long time to lie about who you are. Maybe you're good at it though.

>>18075027
I don't see what lying has to do with it. Before I would marry someone I would want to know how they deal with significant conflict, how their behavior changes after the "honeymoon" period or whatever is over, etc.

1.5 years isn't necessarily enough time to figure all that out.

>>18074697
>i don't want to marry him but i don't want to lose him
>wahhh

fuck off

>>18075017
kinda the same way. i don't trust women because you generally can't. and i don't wanna get married because of many reasons. but i have been emotionally close to them in the past. it's just i don't seek out female acquaintances and friends to be emotionally close with them like "normal guys" do in hopes they start liking me and all that bullshit. i know girls i hook up with, otherwise i have a gf. no inbetween shit. i'd really like to be more open but i also can't. it's almost like girls don't deserve my emotional investment because i don't see them as gf material. it's not hard to get a bf/gf it's just finding the right one for me. so i choose to stay single longer than others. also i generally don't feel lonely or the need to have a gf.

>>18075035
This.

>>18075035
OP is guaranteed entitled strong western womyn.

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>>18074697
He wants marriage and kids. You want something more casual. You are incompatible. Its that simple. Nothing more to do.
Sometimes people who seem perfect for each other are just incompatible.
He could want 5 kids and you could refuse to have more than 1. Just gotta let go and find love somewhere else. Its gonna suck, but he seems to really want to be married so I seem him finding someone else in getting engaged in 2 years from now. He'll find what he's looking for.
You don't seem ready for marriage, so it'll probably take you like 3 years to find someone else and another 3 to get engaged.
this timeline works best for both of you.

>>18074752
Finally a non shitty and judgemental response. @other anons: What is wrong with not wanting to marry if you aren't sure, how many problems have people posted here about getting into deep shit because they got shackled to the wrong person.

But yeah if he's willing to end it just like that maybe take it as a big warning sign. I know it hurts and i feel for you, but your infatuation for him might be blinding your judgement, happens.

>>18074816
Yea you aint even married yet much less made it in to 20 or 50 years of a healthy marriage. Pretty early to validate isn't it? Maybe it'll work out for you but don't assume every couple is the same.

>>18074697
you want to marry him, but not right now. but all marriage is is a piece of paper. so you're essentially telling no over a piece of paper.

yeah, I'd leave too.

>its a r9k invades the thread episode

go spout your bullshit somewhere else

>>18075077
you missed the part where she says she wants to marry him in the future

>>18075139
you give up that easily on a woman you love?

>>18075140
Why is /adv/ filled with /r9k/? It's like I'm on that damn board.

>>18075144
>>18075140
4chan == r9k

>>18075022
That is the most self-impressed and pretentious bullshit i've read tonight

Well, your clocks are ticking. I guess that's why it's so rapid for him. I would try to get a year of him, maybe he will come back anyway. Otherwise, accept your fate, nothing you do

>>18074752
>>18074832
>>18075111
Or maybe the bf thinks that the girl isn't serious about him and is just using too soon as an excuse. Getting ENGAGED is fine at 1.5 years especially after you've been living together pretty much that entire time. Its not like he'll want the wedding 3 days after, jesus christ. Are you guys retarded?

>>18074751
just because soneone doesn't want to rush into marriage doesn't mean theyre not mature retard

>>18075077
"He wants marriage and kids"
I want too. With HIM.

"You want something more casual"
Not anymore, I have had lots of casual relationships and want commitment but not too fast though.

I don't want him to leave, I've tried to talk to him but he refuse to listen.... I don't want this to end like this!

>>18075180

Why get engaged and sit there for two fucking years? Get engaged when you're literally ready to actually get married and lock everything in.

>>18075155
It's not exactly difficult to see meaning behind peoples actions rather than the action alone.

>>18075260
you can get engaged without having to immediately worry about the wedding, people do that all the time - but you shouldn't feel pressured into doing so
it sounds like your bf is playing all or nothing; he's 30 years old and it's probably hitting him that he needs to find somebody to settle down with soon otherwise it might not happen
you need to reassure him and make sure he fully understands that you wish to get married but do not feel you are at that time in your life yet. you may need to escalate in some way, but seeing as you already live together i'm not sure how else you can truly prove your dedication
perhaps explain to him the fact you're 3 year younger and ask him how he might have felt in your shoes?
best of luck to ya

>I want to marry him
>I don't want to be engaged
I had friends that stayed engaged for 5 years before marriage, it is not that big of a deal, you should've said yes.

>>18074697
Howd he propose? Was it like a chile's proposal, or a fucking cardagay hall proposal?

>>18075273
Maybe because it'll at least show your partner that you're even considering marrying him? I didnt say 2 years. Op could fucking change her mind in 3 months for all we know. My point is, getting engaged doesn't mean getting married RIGHT AWAY. Obviously op can do whatever she wants but I was just clarifying that getting engaged means a lot, but it doesn't necessarily mean instant husband and wife status which is an actual legal contract as opposed to just the title of fiance.

Theres no set in stone threshold of when you're supposed to get engaged or even when youre supposed to get married.

If you want to get married to someone (like op literally stated) you're supposed to get engaged, which pretty much just means you told the other person you want to marry them.

>>18075260
You refused him. Of course you want something more casual. This is your own fault. What did you think would happen?

>>18075142
if she's being that trivial? yeah.

her post is essentially "I wanting marry him but not right now. he realized he has different desires than me and now wants to leave to find someone he is more compatible with. how do I make him stay?"

marry him or let him go. those are your answers. but she can't grasp that and is now asking for a way to circumvent his desires and get her way regardless of his feelings.

>>18075303
>but she can't grasp that and is now asking for a way to circumvent his desires and get her way regardless of his feelings.

OP in a nutshell

>>18074697
At this point, why would you even expect him to stay with you?

If he has a plan for the future and you ain't with it, why would he stick around?

You've already rejected him once. Are you really surprised he's bailing instead of waiting around for another opportunity in who the fuck knows amount of time?

>>18075320
This, you guys arent even taking the guys feelings into consideration. He probably feels the same way at this point because god knows when op is gonna be "ready". What if she doesn't come around and he's already like fucking 35? Are you really gonna chastise the guy for having actual goals?

Like yeah, ops free to do whatever she wants and shouldn't be pressured into being ENGAGED if she doesn't want to, but that doesn't mean he's a bad guy for knowing what he needs right now. They're both free to do what they want, so op should just find a younger guy who feels the same way she does so he can find what he wants as well.

>>18075297

Well considering how stubborn her cocksucker of a boyfriend already is, I doubt he'd want to give it a while, if he's ready to walk out the door right now.

1.5 years is nowhere near long enough to be together to get engaged. My best friend has been cohabitating with his girlfriend for almost 5 years now and they're just starting to TALK about getting married.

It's also stupid that this guy just sprung it on her when she wasn't expecting it at all.

I've seen so many threads on here where people ask if 2 years is long enough of time together to get married, and they're always filled with people saying that 2 years isn't long enough and too much of a risk. Now in this thread, everyone is saying 1.5 years is enough and that OP is stupid/into something casual/not marriage material. Can you retards make up your minds? If this was a guy saying that his GF was giving him an ultimatum to get married or she'd leave him after only 1.5 years together, this entire thread would be full of people telling him that marriage after a year and a half is a terrible idea and that his gf is a bitch for being so willing to break up because he isn't ready for marriage.

OP, I agree that 1.5 years is not enough time to get married. Have you explained to him that you do want to get married to him and you do want to have children with him, but that you need more time before you're ready for such a thing?

Like others have said, the fact that this guy is trying to rush you into marriage and is so easily willing to leave if you aren't ready likely means that he doesn't seriously love you and is just trying to get married and have kids because he feels like he has to at his age. That isn't the recipe for a good marriage.

>>18075320
This is the truth
You can't fault the guy for knowing what he wants. If I were in his shoes I'd assume OP was leading me on, saying no says she's not committed. You can get engaged but not get married instantly.
>>18075345
Kek
4chan ain't one person buddy boy

>>18075335
>he's a cocksucker for having his own desires and wanting to follow them

real mature. he has desires. he expressed them. she expressed that she doesn't have same desires. he doesn't force her. he makes rational decision to find someone with same desires. she gets butthurt.

he's not the villain. OP, don't take advice from someone who thinks you're a cocksucker for having your own opinions.

>>18075345
you, like others, keep saying he is "trying to rush you into this".

WTF

no he's not. go reread the OP. he proposed. she said no. she said why. he took time to consider everything. came back with his decision.

OP is the one here trying to force him to stay against his will.

seriously, WTF.

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>>18075320
>>18075333
Agreed. It seems weird desu. OP likes the guy, he's not a fuckup otherwise she would've mentioned it as a reason, he has a plan and likes her enough to be willing to commit, what else do you want?

What I think really happened was that OP was really waiting for the "perfect package" to come along and that this poor bastard was just a placeholder in the meantime.

>>18075348
>Muh 4chan isn't one person meme
Doesn't matter. The overwhelming majority of these threads go exactly the opposite when it's a guy in the situation and not a female. This thread was started by a female, so naturally the response is "you're wrong. Get married after 1.5 years or you don't love him". The hypocrisy is hilarious.

>>18075335
You dont know that. Rejecting his proposal probably signifies a lot of things to the dude, he probably thinks she's just fucking around with him and isnt serious because of it and I can't blame him. 1.5 years isnt that long which is true, but considering they've been living together most of that time it's WAY different. Most people dont live together that early. Its not like theyre fucking little kids whove been together 2 years but only saw eachother once every couple days for an hour or two.

Also getting engaged is barely anything more than saying you wanna marry the person like I said. Your best friends case serves as more evidence. And whats wrong with being engaged for 5 years? Isnt taking time a good thing?
>>18075345
>4chan is one guy
nice meme

>>18075335
>1.5 years is nowhere near long enough to be together to get engaged
Tell that to my parents who were only dating 6 weeks and are about to celebrate 33 happy years of marriage. Relationship timelines don't work out the same for everyone.

>>18075358
Weird, because a lot of threads I see go in favor of the girl. Wow, maybe everyone sees different threads, and some people just end up getting more riled up at the ones that go in favor of the opposite sex so they make a longer lasting impression which makes your brain think this board favors one sex over the other? Also, a good amount of this thread is telling op the dudes in the wrong, are you blind?

>>18075360
This. Like I said, theres not some set in stone time you guys have to wait before you get married.

>>18075358
If some bitch wanted to marry me after 1.5 years I'd say no. If she wanted to leave me after I'd understand, I'd probably consider leaving her. We clearly do not have the same values on something major like marriage. I wouldn't expect her to wait on me till I'm "ready"

You're probably right but my opinion would stay the same, the two are incompatible. They won't work in my opinion.

>>18074809
Divorce rates peaked in the 1980s

>>18075373
>Weird, because a lot of threads I see go in favor of the girl. Wow, maybe everyone sees different threads, and some people just end up getting more riled up at the ones that go in favor of the opposite sex so they make a longer lasting impression which makes your brain think this board favors one sex over the other?

lmao dis nigga

you are either lying your ass off or it is literally your first day on /adv/

>>18075373
>a lot of threads I see go in favor of the girl
>ones that go in favor of the opposite sex so they make a longer lasting impression which makes your brain think this board favors one sex over the other

At least you know what your problem is.

Maybe we should redirect you to the thread where a girl was raped by her boyfriend in her sleep, he filmed it and there are literally posts referring to HIM as "poor guy"

>>18075398
Most threads on here that actually do have something to do with a female go either way unless there's something about cheating assault or something serious.
>>18075407
Lol you are talking out of your ass. I was in that thread and there was one person telling her to work it out or some shit (not even defending him necessarily iirc). Most people (including me) were telling op to leave him or something of the like. Unless a retarded people flooded it right after i left, then you are full of shit lmao.

>>18075349
If the guy really loved her and she said she wanted to think about it more, but still loves him, which she did, he should take that as a sign of "wow, maybe we should talk about our relationship. Maybe have a discussion about where we see our futures going."

Not, "marry me now in this split second decision you had no idea was coming or lose me forever." He didn't express his desires, he put forth an ultimatum.

>>18075359
I'm saying that this guy didn't discuss it with her at all. And no, being engaged for 5 years is NOT a good thing. People start to wonder if it's ever going to happen. You're not getting any of the actual important tax benefits and other things that come with being married. Shit or get off the pot.

>>18075360
Damn glad your parents are still together, anon, but you've gotta realize that's the anomaly, not the rule.

The guy that said if the sexes were reversed here is absolutely correct. You guys are just clingy as fuck and terrified of a girl not being at your every whim. And I'm a dude.

>>18075421
A bunch of retarded people**

>>18075421

Gee you really need to work on your cognitive bias impairing your ability to read/see issue.

>>18073775
>Just because it fits your textbook definition of rape doesn't mean it's time to string the poor dude up by his dick

That post was probably you anyway kek

>>18075424
where was the ultimatum? reread OP. he took time to think about what she said and came back with "if this is how you feel, we should break up". he's not forcing shit. OP is the one here trying g to get advice on how to force him to stay against his wishes. are you that autistic? like, who hurt you in the past?

>>18075428
Did you read that thread lmao? I notice I did leave pretty early, but theres, only about like 5-6 people in there NOT EXPLICITLY saying its not okay. Out of those only 2-3 are even condoning this behavior. This is what I was saying. You guys get hung up on shitposts and it ends up skewing your outlook.

Just because a few people are repeatedly shitposting in a thread (in a chain of posts that is obviously still them) does not automatically mean theyre 10 different people.

>>18075436
same person here.

in fairness, it doesn't say it in OP, but further down op does say that he took time to think about it.

his only option, after a failed marriage proposal, is to break up with you. before he tried breaking up, you had all the power. he needs to establish dominance, need, and want in your relationship and he can only do that by instilling nuclear dread in hopes you spring back and love him more.

but you don't seem to love him enough so he's cutting his losses if this power struggle fails.

all in all he's a smart man.

If he can't be convinced to wait a few more years, there's nothing you can do. Just let him go. It's his choice if he wants to leave, and you definitely shouldn't marry him if you're not sure.

>>18075436
>>18075449

I'll admit I did miss the second post about him taking a few days, and them having a discussion about it, but it still is an ultimatum at the end of the day.

"It's either you do X, or I'm gone."

I give it a little more credit that he did take some days to think it through, and maybe that discussion wasn't the kind of discussion where he felt like there was a future.

I still think that the responsible thing to do is to discuss marriage well in advance of a proposal in order to avoid this sort of thing. Perhaps OP would have expressed how much she truly loved him, but that she felt that they still had time to grow with each other.

>>18075474
>but you don't seem to love him enough

he's the one that doesnt love her

>>18075521
so he should be forced to stay in a relationship that doesn't satisfy his needs? that's has much of an ultimatum. there is NO reason he should be forced to stay with her. he can have the most bullshit reason even, it doesn't matter. it's his choice. and seriously, where are you getting "marry me or I leave"? this is much closer to "I'm not happy with this relationship so I'm leaving". I don't see him trying to force OP to do anything.

>>18075668
if he isn't happy with the relationship why is he asking her to marry him then?

If you can change your tune about the entire relationship just because your partner doesn't want to get married RIGHT THIS SECOND you SHOULD leave. Because you didn't really love them anyway.

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>>18075140
I didnt miss it. You there is not
>I want to marry him in the future
You either want to be married or you don't. Most people want to be married at some point in their life. She is no different from them. He wants to be married, she does not. Incompatible.
>>18075260
>I want too. With HIM.
No you do not. When given the offer you rejected it. You have attachment to the idea of having that with him. But you do not want it with him. You have this idea that this is what your future self wants.
If you want something, when given the opportunity to take it you will. If you don't you have reasons not to want it that are more pressing. In this case you are not ready for marriage. Its really that simple. You are incompatible.
If I were taking a guess Id assume hes been much more serious in his commitment to relationships than you have so while this is new to you its not for him.

Its over. Let him go. He wants to be married with a wife and kids and live a happy life. You are not ready for that. Wait until you are and do not hold him back.

>>18075521
>"It's either you do X, or I'm gone."
There is literally nothing wrong with this and its the most mature way of handling situations.

>>18075691
he isn't happy in a relationship that he doesn't see a future too. there's a distinction that you are purposely ignoring.

>>18075650
No she doesnt love him as much as he loves her. He's decided to find someone who will love him as much as he loves them. I know, hard concept for women to grasp but men deserved to be loved as well.

>>18075705
That person doesn't seem to get that if a relationship doesn't meet your needs its best to find a new one that does. They seem to believe that you are obligated to stay with someone who you feel is insufficiently meeting the standards you have for a relationship.

>>18075713
I do get it. That's why I said he should leave.

>>18075668

He should be reasonable about someone else's timeline and shouldn't force it, yes. If he truly loves her enough to spend his life with her, he should be patient enough to wait until she is ready to be married.

I'm sorry, you could throw Taylor Swift at me and she could ask me to marry her in 1.5 years of being together and I'd probably decline doing it so fast.

That is a very little amount of time to know someone and be comfortable getting into a forever relationship with them. They still have a ton of super-serious fights ahead of them, and challenges before they see if they become sexually incompatible, if certain habits become unbearable, if their notion of how to raise kids is different... such a small amount of time.

He shouldn't be forced to do anything, but he literally wanted her to marry him. That means in no way was he unhappy with the relationship. He's throwing a tantrum that she doesn't want to leap into one of the biggest decisions of anyone's life.

seriously, this whole thread is hilarious.

he has desires.

he has different desires.

these desires are fundamentally important to the very nature of the relationship.

he's horrible for being logical and ending an incompatible relationship.

OP was given advice on how to fix it, and every bit of advice was shot down because she didn't like it. but we're supposed to sit here and figure out a way to force HIM to change his mind for her.

OP, you are immature as fuck and good on him for realizing it. if you can't accept his decision, what happens in the future when another major decision comes up and you refuse to compromise? you are stubborn and refusing to budge.

just let it go.

>>18075700

That is not fucking mature at all, you mong. You compromise on shit and talk it through to find a way to satisfy both sides.

I have no problem with leaving a relationship that doesn't work. None at all. No problem with leaving out of the blue. But there is a HUGE logic jump from "marry me now" and "I'm gone forever and want nothing to do with you ever again" in the span of a couple of days.

>>18075728
Why are we even blaming OP?

>guy wants to marry
>girl is not ready
>"well then bye bye"

Look if his love shatters this easily then you are dodging a bullet, OP

>>18075718
but you still act like he's in the wrong and forcing the issue.

but good on you for saying he should leave.

>>18075707
I don't think so. I think this is a last ditch desperation effort in hopes to get her to "find her true feelings for him" and hopefully marry him.

It's a good response, it's really his only tactical decision at this point.

The responses in this thread are such a joke.

>girl is pressuring a guy to get married
>Tell her to fuck off or enjoy your alimony payments you retarded cuck. Marriage is for fools

>girl doesn't want to rush into getting married so soon
>Immature cunt you never loved him anyway

>>18075737
>but you still act like he's in the wrong
no I don't. that's just you projecting and feeling defensive.

>>18075731
No its the most mature route. You compromise where you can. You give an ultimatum where you can't. The relationship is meant to satisfy you first. If you deem it no longer satisfying leave. Thats the most mature way of handling it.

>>18075738
I doubt it. I see this guy as ready for the married life.

>>18075757

No, the relationship is meant to satisfy both of you. But I bet you're the kind of guy that thinks rape can't exist in marriage.

>>18075739
Amen. People on this board are insecure as fuck.

>>18075739
Well your analogy points out one critical difference. Men have a lot to lose especially in the form of alimony. So when deciding why to say no thats one reason a woman doesnt have.

>>18075731
It makes perfect sense when you realize being married matters more to him than who it's with. Like someone already said he'll probably be engaged by this time next year.

>>18075723
Ok, but look at it this way: is it reasonable for him to wait without a set timeline? from OPs words, it sounds like the timeline could range between 1 year and 5 years. he took the time and thought it out and came back and said "this isn't acceptable for me". sounds like he thought it out, OP didn't, and now OP is regretting the consequences of her decision.

Marriage is a major thing, why are people claiming he's leaving her over something insignificant?
They clearly have differing views on marriage so they aren't all that compatible. The bf is ready now, who knows when OP will be ready. If the bf deems it alright to get married after 1.5 years I'd assume he'd get stressed having to wait a normal amount of time.

>>18075767
>No, the relationship is meant to satisfy both of you
No you idiot. You don't get into a relationship for the other person. You enter one because it is beneficial to you first and foremost. End of story. Compromise is most beneficial to you in the long run and you do it where you can. Otherwise leave. You child I swear.

>>18075767
>can't refute people
>immediate ad hominem and strawman
Im guessing you are a woman.

>>18075733
we're blaming OP because she refused to make any compromises and wants him to change his mind with no promises of anything. people told her to D engaged for 5 years and her answer was "lol no". if OP had accepted ANY compromise, it'd be one thing. but OP has steadfast stuck to "I won't marry/engage him and he needs to change his mind. I won't change anything."

>>18075769
You only have to pay alimony when you get divorced. Which is more likely to happen when you rush into marriage when you're not ready for it.

>>18074697
Why not try a long engagement? My wife and I were engaged for three years before getting married. Just celebrated five years of wedded bliss.

>>18075731
so where's her compromise? OP has been given many suggestions and every one of them was shot down. compromise is a two way street and OP is unwilling to even press the crosswalk button.

>>18075783
Nah its mainly because OP wants to keep him by her side. No one is really blaming her for not wanting to be married. She could be like 23 yrs and its just too early for her.
What's triggering people is her need to dig her claws into a man and refuse to let him go for her own selfish purposes. She doesnt care what he wants and what he needs.

>>18075783
The fact OP wants to stay as his girlfriend and marry after a few more years should be more than enough compromise, if a guy breaks up a 1.5 year relationship like this then they would probably explode for lesser reasons if they were married anyway

>>18075748
my apologies. maybe I'm mixing you up with a different person. I'm having about 4 discussions in the thread and it can get confusing. carry on.

>>18075784
That doesnt change the fact that alimony is a risk men have to take that women don't. So your analogy still fails there. A man can access that a marriage is a risk and thus have justification for saying no. A woman can't so she has no justification for saying no. Thats all your analogy says.

>>18075777
If you don't consider the other person, your relationship will fail. Sorry for the big boy advice that shatters your worldview.

>>18075781
Not a woman. I still refuted you anyways.

>>18075801
Marriage is a risk for both parties

>>18075785
She doesnt want to be committed to him like that. Shes not ready. Being engaged is admitting you are in the transition phase to being married. Not the dating phase anymore. You wouldnt get engaged unless you were mentally prepared to marry someone.

>>18075795
that's.... what I said.

>>18075798
unless you're the person who called him a cocksucker. then I reinstate "you're insane".

>>18075801

Women can give alimony, idiot. Plus if she realizes three years down the road that this was a disaster of a marriage, she's stuck in a shitty, awful financial contract where she's got to separate all of her assets from him and go through lawyers and shit like that - not to mention if we throw kids into the equation.

>>18075803
>If you don't consider the other person, your relationship will fail.
I can't continue to talk to a child so ignorant. I never said you don't consider the other person. Thats just your very sad display of reading comprehension and further evidence that you are a child. You completely fail to address to core points being made because you cannot. You are wrong, you no you are wrong and you are trying to skate around it.

>>18075810
read higher. she said she.would marry him, just not now. literally how you defined an engagement.

>>18075808
Thats not what your analogy says. Next time if you want to say its a risk for both parties dont use something men are at risk of that women arent.

>>18075817
You're the one saying ultimatums make sense and are mature. They are not. Yes, you need to have a vested interest in keeping yourself happy, but if you continue to push your partner into unwinnable situations where your happiness comes first every time, and has no wiggle room, you will lose said person.

>>18075822
It wasn't an analogy in the first place shithead lol

>>18075803
>ad hominem and strawman
>refute
Woman confired

>>18075816
>Women can give alimony
Statistically in comparison to men they don't. Even when they are supposed to men statistically do not take it because they have dignity. Alimony is not a risk for women in any way comparable to how it is for men.

>>18075818
No you misunderstand. If she were committed to the idea of marrying him, she would accept the engagement. She rejected it because shes not. She enjoys the idea of marrying him in the future, not the reality.

>>18075829
>analogy
>a comparison between two things, typically for the purpose of explanation or clarification.
Please finish your highschool education before continuing to post.

>>18075834

No, but it's still possible, and we don't know OP's situation with this dude. Regardless of who is getting alimony doesn't mean that marrying and divorcing someone is "easy."

>>18075860
>>a comparison between two things, typically for the purpose of explanation or clarification.
I didn't make a comparison. Nor did I attempt to clarify or explain anything.

I implicitly pointed out a double standard on this board and you got triggered and tried to make it about alimony or some shit. The reading comprehension failure is all yours.

>>18075823
>You're the one saying ultimatums make sense and are mature
Because it is as supported by the reasons I gave which you cannot refute.
Ignoring arguments Ive previously made will no make you any less wrong. As I've already stated, you compromise because its beneficial to you in the long run. Not put your happiness first every time. You further failing to be able to read and comprehend. If you are unable to compromise for reasons such as the relationship no longer being beneficial to you, the ultimatum is the mature choice.
I look forward to you reply which fails to address the point I made.

>>18075868
You literally compared two scenarios of 4chan's response for the purpose to explaining the double standard. Please finish highschool and stop wasting my time.

>>18075861
Alimony is not a valid reason for a woman unless she is an outlier

>>18075852
actually, I think we agree. I misinterpreted you.

>>18075871
>As I've already stated, you compromise because its beneficial to you in the long run.

Relationships aren't all about benefiting you. That's what you're missing. Especially when you get married, and especially more when you have kids.

I don't even want kids, but you can't deny that you can't be primarily self serving and raise children well. It's not all about personal benefit. And that's kind of the end goal.

>>18075894
>Relationships aren't all about benefiting you
False. First you are further misrepresenting my argument. I did not say it was all about benefiting you. They relationship is beneficial to both parties which is why people enter in them. Having kids is beneficial to you as well. Otherwise there would be no point in being in a relationship.

>>18075877
No, that is your interpretation of what I did but I'm telling you it was wrong. You're wasting your own time retard. Why did you even reply?

Also if marriage is such a risk for the man the logical response would be to commend OP for not wanting to agree so quickly because if she is more confident before accepting the proposal, that minimizes the risk for the man. But no, instead she's shamed. The real mindset you and other people who act like you have is for the woman to just go along with whatever the man wants, and if she ever disagrees, she's just an unreasonable cunt, no matter how justified her reasoning actually is.

>>18075901
>greentext two scenarios
>call it a double standard
>somehow thinks you didnt make a comparison
So we entered into the phase where you act like a retard and try to move the goal post.

>>18075900
Well, I'm done arguing with you because I gotta go, but the last thing I'll ask: are you the type of person that believes no one does anything unless it directly benefits them?

Kids are less beneficial in the modern era than they are a waste of your time and resources.

>>18075916
doesnt have to be direct, but people generally only act towards achieving their own happiness (platonic). If you believed a child is a waste of your time and resources and not beneficial to you, dont have a child.

>>18075916
you only exist because someone decided you were worth the waste of time and resources. how retarded can you be?

If you're not sure whether you want to marry someone after any number of years, you're just wasting time. Good on him for leaving.

>>18075035
If this reverse happened where a woman wanted to settle down after only a year and a half and a guy wasn't ready y'all wouldn't be nearly this up in arms.

>>18076926
No because the reverse would never happen. A man would bitch about trying to tie her down unless he wanted to marry her. He'd accept the breakup.
OP is getting shit because she wants to tie him down while rejecting his proposal. Its like that stacy that strings orbiters along.

>>18074697
>I'm not giving my partner what he needs from a relationship
>now hes going to leave me because i refuse to commit myself fully to him
Seems pretty rational. I'd leave you too. Your song and dance about how much you love him doesnt mean anything when your actions speak otherwise. You clearly don't love him enough to marry him. He will find greener pastures.

>>18075239
Date for 6 months, live together for over a year.
>rushing into marriage.
Time is precious. If a woman who's living with me for a year doesn't want to get married, then she doesn't deserve my time. PEACE OUT.

>>18075260
>I've tried to talk to him but he refuse to listen...
You mean he refused to accept what you were saying. Tough noogies.

>>18074697
good for him whore.

>>18074697
Hey, can you update us when he walks out the door because you're being a completely unreasonable idiot? Maybe Livestream it?

>>18074697
Sounds like an asshat.

My gf proposed after 3 years. Caught me way off guard and i was like yo im not ready. We still together and fine.

1.5 years is definitely too early. If he cant see that hes a bit fucky.

>>18077216
some of us live in a world where a woman showing her ankles isn't a sin

>i want to marry him
>but i dont want to marry him

>>18077224
hell, she even wants to have kids with him. but also refuses the compromise of a longer engagement. she's unfixable. when she's in her 40's and still alone, she might realize.

I've been engaged to my fiance for 8 years. See if you can reason a long term engagement out of him

>>18077240
she already said that she would never do that. she refused any compromise. then solution she is looking for is literally "how can I change literally nothing about myself or my opinions and force him to change his instead"

>>18077223
I dont understand what youre getting at.

>>18077247
freaking out after 3 years means you're just fucking around. if you're not considering commitment by then, then you're just wasting everyone's time.

>>18077249
it was a joke about you being overly conservative

>>18074791
What are you smoking? 1.5 years is plenty of time

>>18077252
I figured but its terribly innaccurate...

I dont see how you can draw that from a simple thing like that.

After 1.5 years youre just out of honeymoon phase and havent had enough real struggles to determine if you can survive a crisis.. Theres a reason the divorce rate is so high.

Experts agree 2-3 years is a good time to wait because after that amount of time, especially if youve lived together and travelled together. Youve seen yourselves together in all dynamics, and divorce rates drop for people who have dated for years before getting married.

It has nothing to do with conservatism or control or religion and everything to do with non secular objective thinking..

My gf and I havent even lived together a year yet and that change started a bit rocky itself. We have an excellent home life now but we're seeing if it plays out.

Being married just means more financial risk and bullshit if we break up. Im willing but why risk it now when were fine as we are?

Is this thread this same thing, but the guy instead of OP?
>>18077101

>>18077249
Who said I was freaking out?

Caught me off guard. We had talked about it previously and agreed wed live together a year before making any further decisions and she proposed to me when i returned from a month long business trip less than half a year in.

I assure you im not fucking around either. Im.back on said trip and typing to you from a car waiting for two co workers and friends who are now an hour late because they went out partying with hookers all night and cant get their asses out of bed. I want nothing to do with their life.


Man adv you guys really assume a lot about people.

>>18077268
whoosh.jpg

At three years, you should have a pretty rough idea on if you want to get married. if it literally freaks you out, like you said, then you're not taking the relationship serious. by that point, the thought should have crossed your mind at least a few times. being freaked out means you're just stringing each other along with no real serious intentions.

>>18077269
nah. they're 27 and 30(him). that one just looks like bait.

>>18077276
It didnt freak me out. Read>>18077274

We had an agreement which she broke in a moment of sentimentality. Its also why she was fine with rejection. She knew she over stepped which we both clearly and rationally agreed upon.

Caught off guard is not freaked out.

I do have a pretty god idea. Its been thought about and talked about plenty.

>>18077274
>dating for 3 years
>idea of marriage caught you way off guard
>still not engaged
>want to see how living together for what is now over a year pans out

how fucking long have you two been together? you are the definition of "not serious". you gonna wait till your deathbed just to be absolutely sure?

>>18075022
Hahahahahahaha, good luck getting "betrayed" and "fucked over"

>>18074697
Yeah, I as a woman will never marry until the time I have kids.

Point 1: you just don't propose. That's retarded. You TALK about the posibbility and then agree or disagree. You bf is incredibly petty, insecure and not mature if he leaves you like that. You saved yourself from a manipulator. Behaving like your bf is behaving is manipulative. An all "you want all of me or nothing situation" and "you do this or I leave you situation"
Manipulation, he istrying to instill fear discarding your opinions and your why's because he himself is insecure and a small man with a small mind. So you succumb to it and he feels happy and secure while you feel unsteady on your feet. Sounds aggresive uh?
Do you have to say yes to someone you want to marry in the future? nope
What's the reason he can't wait if he himself wants to be forever with you? Doesn't he trust you?

2 marry only after 3-4+ years of living together. Whoever tells you 2 years is enough is going to have a hard ride facing reality when they themselves get married. Why is the divorce rate so high?
People now marry too soon, everything has to be quick for us millenials or there is no deal. We are whiny little pieces of shit like your bf is.

3 If he really does love you he wouldn't mind that much, maybe he'd be hurt. But leaving you over this, shows that he doesn't want to negotiate this relationship. He prefers pride to love and that's a huge mistake.


Do you really want to marry someone who doesn't care to wait a few fucking years for you. Jesus christ. Dogded a huge bullet.

A few years for the person you love should be nothing.
And you love when you trust and you love when you want the best for the other person.

>>18077351
oh my god, this is gold.

>hes making a decision I dont like so he's totally a manipulater
>guys, how do I force him to change his mind?

how many cats do you own?

>>18077355
OP doesn't want to marry now
Bf wants to right now

What is the logical thing to do?
To talk about it of course

Not to end the relationship unless her bf wants her to feel guilty for not following his command to marry
The bf is not asking OP just like that
He is telling her if she doesn't marry him right now he will end it.

Tell me, how many women have refused you and I will tell you about my pets which are sweet doggos

>>18077361
you are projecting so fucking hard.

go reread the thread, you retard.

they are 27(her) and 30(him). they dated for 6 months, lived together a year now. he asked her to marry him. she says no. says she will marry him in the future, even wants to have kids with specifically him. but refused any form of engagement, even if it's a long one. refuses ANY sort of compromise. he takes a few days to think about it, returns and says that he is looking for something more serious, and if she is unwilling to make any sort of compromise, ten he is going to move on.

where the fuck is the manipulation? OP is the one here whining and crying and refusing ANY AND ALL advice. OP literally is asking for a way to force him to change his mind.

He has every right to leave a relationship that he is unsatisfied with. She has given him zero indication on what kind of timeframe for him to expect. People like you keep spouting that he's giving ultimatums and being manipulative. he's the one telling him that she won't change a thing and expects him to just sit by and wait for an undetermined period of time.

you and OP are seriously retarded.

>>18077368
she's the one telling him*

>>18077368
You and OP's bf seem to believe marriage changes things between people in a mature relationship. Marriage only changes benefits by law and nothing else.

Why is it that americans believe in "the one" and in a huge party that means nothing with a tribillion dolars ring?

I just don't get it

And I'm not proyecting, I have a loving and caring bf and we have already discussed we are going to marry in the future. Because in this century who the fuck comes out of nowhere with a marriage proposal???

Not a chance.
Keep believing I am ronery and have a million cats if that "insult" will make you feel better

I assure you, you would have a reaaaally different opinion if the genres where reverse gere
(if op was a male and her bf was a female)
Say your gf is thirty and after 1,5 years of having a relationship she tells you, you will marry her or else she will leave.

How about that? Hypocrite

>>18077383
fucking listen, I'm getting tired of repeating myself.

She is refusing ANY AND ALL COMPROMISE. ANY. AT ALL.

He said, "that's fine, I respect how you feel, but I feel this way. I think that means we are incompatible. I'm going to move out an break things off".

OP comes in here asks for advice, SHOOTS EVERYTHING DOWN, and keeps asking "how do I make him stay?!?"

what the fuck are we supposed to do? your options are to do nothing and let things continue as they are, or change something.

OP REFUSES TO CHANGE ANYTHING.

she wants her cake and to eat it too. that's clearly not gonna happen.

I reiterate: you and OP are retarded if you can't grasp this simple logic.

>>18077391(you)


to add, OP is literally a paradox

>I want to marry him and have kids, I'm sure of it
>I don't want to marry him now and I don't know when I will

she's 100% committed and 0% at the same time. wouldn't you be taken aback by a response like that?

>>18077383
I can't speak for them, but I gave the same advice when the gender roles were reversed in >>18076535 OP needs to let him go, just like the guy in the other thread needs to let his gf go.

>>18077391
>>18077402
>she wants her cake and to eat it too. that's clearly not gonna happen.
I couldn't agree more. OP needs to read the writing on the wall instead of acting like a child.

>>18074895
yeah, but as soon as she turns 30, she's gonna feel the same, not realizing she's long past the healthy age to have children.

memes don't always work.

>>18077361
>What is the logical thing to do?
Theres no room for compromise. You either want to be married or you don't. The only compromise would be to get engaged. Which she doesn't want, and it would obviously be fake since she's not into it.
Anything short of leaving is letting her manipulate him.

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Marriage is obsolete anyway.

>>18075111
lol
>makes the bf the bad guy
>a "non shitty response"
Perspective is everything. The fact you can only see a situation from one viewpoint shows a lack of maturity.

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>>18075307
>>18075303
/thread ended here boys, what the fuck is yall still discussin

>>18076059

Back here from yesterday, so you're probably gone, but I was a mistake baby and they decided to buck up and raise me. I wasn't some carefully planned leech on their life. They'd have both been happier without me, even though they won't say so because it's taboo. They'd have both stuck with their first divorce and wouldn't have gotten back together because of me.

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>>18074729
I'm sorry but this op hit the nail on the head. You cant have your cake and eat it too.

> taking marriage so seriously that you're willing to end a relationship you wanted to last forever cause you have to wait a bit longer for something that is at the end of the day nothing but a stupid ritual designed to artificially prolong relationships and make you feel bad when yours ends
> wanting to marry someone who you don't even trust when they tell you "not now, but later, I promise you"

>>18075697
>>18077522
>>18077391
>>18077224
Let's do a little thought experiment, and not talk about marriage but instead something with actual consequences, namely having kids (or buying a house together). Do you also think that it's impossible to want kids, but not right now? anybody who doesn't try to have kids after one year, or let's say 2 weeks, of relationship can not ever want kids with their partner?

also, I think there's massive samefaggotry by someone in the pro-bf camp going on in this thread. 202 posts, 59 IPs. Someone probably linked this in r9k or I dunno where and someone else got autistic. I claim that of the posts >>18075728, >>18075697 + the ones linked above, somewhere between a third and 50% are by the same person.

>>18077854
I'm not sure if there is samefagging here, but I know for certain that many people can be really dumb when it comes to a tradition like marriage.

But I agree with you in everything else.

>>18077854
you're thought experiment is retarded and I am only one of the linked people. the rest are different.

grasp the very simple logic: she refused ANY compromise. she refused to make ANY changes. no change means situation stays the same. that's all that fucking matters. get it into your heads.

>>18077718
one of those is me and the other is quoting me. I was drunk and enjoying arguing with morons.

>>18077813
I'm still here. they could have left you in a dumpster. point still stands. someone wasted time and resources on you.

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>>18077837
hey! that's my cake line!

>captcha: highlight all the boxes with a cake stand
>mfw

>>18078356
what part don't you grasp? it's NOT about marriage. it's about the fact that she admits she actually wants to marry him but refused any advice or compromise. if OP REFUSES to change anything, the situation doesn't change and in this case she claims to actually want what the other person wants. OP is just being retardedly stubborn.

ITT
OP and stupid femanons defending OP want to have their cake and eat it too

These women only give a shit about their own feelings and will use that to justify every shitty thing they do.

Brotip: Stay away from women like this, lads. Sure, there's great women out there, but the ones in this thread are cancer.

>But she told him that she plans on marrying him. But not now.

She went on to say that he's leaving her.

I'm not going go digging for buried trash; did she ever update on this?

>I don't approve of him leaving her
Doesn't fucking matter what you think OP's ex-boyfriend should do.

why even live together if you aren't going to marry

>>18077854
You're thinking about it from a relationship perspective, not a life perspective. The bf wants to settle down and presumably start a family. He probably wants to do that before he's too old, so he can do fun things like play sports with his kids. He's been with OP long enough to know that she might be the mother of his children, but she rejected his proposal.

No matter what, if he stays with her, he'll have to accept a longer timeline. He'll be a tired and broken-down 50-something and his kids will be running rings around him. He will imagine what he's missing out on, and it will be painful.

Alternatively, he could find somebody with the same priorities as him. In principle, everybody wins: OP isn't pressured into a marriage she doesn't want (and possibly, eventually, a family she doesn't want), and he and whoever he finds can live happily ever after.

Ideally, they would've known each other's goals earlier in the relationship, and saved each other the heartbreak.

>>18078595
if you're not gonna put in the effort, fuck off. not gonna spoon-feed you.

I really wasn't going to say anything, but it seems like almost no one in this thread has any idea of deal-breakers.
Sure, compromise is the backbone of any relationship, but there are thing that one refuses to compromise on. These are called deal-breakers. No one is to blame in this instance. She made her choice, he made his decision. It's crap, it hurts: welcome to the real world. All actions have consequences and one has to live with them.
If the OP is certain of her decision, then this outcome is one she should accept.

>>18078720
way to reiterate what I've already said while claiming that your idea is original. really the whole thread next time.

>>18078726
read the whole*

>>18074697
>he asked to marry me
>I said no
>even though I want to marry him
Why? If you don't want to marry him, fine, but don't say "I want to marry him down the road"

>she said no

>but he's not supposed to ask other women

>she should still have a monopoly on him after saying no

>>18078953
>Why? If you don't want to marry him, fine, but don't say "I want to marry him down the road"

She wanted him to wait. Waiting is fine, but if someone tells me to wait long-term for anything then there's at least a 50/50 chance I will proceed without them - doesn't matter WHO they are. Dumbass OP could have said yes but insisted the wedding be delayed. If for some reason she changes her mind, she can call off the engagement.

Either it's too late now, or this is a very successful troll thread and OP is a single neckbeard from /b/ or SA. Did OP ever show up much or answer any questions?

>>18078977
OP answered all advice in the form of "no, I won't do that"

>>18078986
That's what OPs on this board always say, story checks out.

I seriously hope that guy is having the best sex of his life with some other woman. I always feel this awkwardly self-neutralizing mixture of sympathy and contempt when males cling to 'lovers' who ration things out one droplet at a time. These women aren't hiding something amazing, they're just hiding from YOU. This is no indication whatsoever they hide from everyone, just you - that's the bad part.

>>18079007
I feel the same. I really hope this is real because OP is dealing with a guy who won't put up with her shit. she's learning that there are real consequences to her actions.

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>>18077837
>this oo

Oh god they were right.

>>18074697
Ha that sucks for you. Sounds like ypur boyfriend knows what he wants in life. Good for him.

>>18078614

To make sure you're compatible, you autist. Living together is a test run for the rest of your life.

>>18074697
so did he leave? come on OP, some of us need updates. I've been edging all day waiting to find out.

>>18074791
I agree. Dunno why people are thinking its normal to get engaged after 18 months of knowing eachother.

>>18079404
that's not the issue. the issue is op saying she does want to marry him and even have kids, but refusing to make any kind of commitment. when he said that he felt this was a deal breaker and wants out of the relationship, she comes here whining for advice. she then proceeds to shoot down all advice. it's basically "how do I make him change his mind without me having to do anything?". it's not even an issue of if he's unreasonable for wanting to get married so soon. it's an issue of OP using an advice thread in an attempt to be validated for making a decision that makes her sad.

>don't change anything, things continue on their path
>change something and the path changes
>decides to change nothing
>freaks out when the train doesn't change course and runs her over

>>18074697
I don't really think OP is saying that she doesn't want compromise, but that in their current relationship it's too soon to be thinking about marriage. Maybe they're in a situation financially or the relationship isn't mature enough to provide a good foundation for a lasting marriage. No where does she say she wants a break from their relationship and she'll meet up with him in the future or that she doesn't want to compromise.

On the issue with the dude leaving, it seems immature to go the 'my way or the highway'. In a loving relationship there should never be a test of love. "You don't really love me if you don't do this for me" is never a sentence or stance to be forced on a person that cares for another. If he's willing to leave after thinking it over (because that's how you solve things, by mulling them over by yourself, instead of talking to the other person in the relationship) then there are other contributing factors to him making that decision.

When you love someone you fight for them and alongside them; a relationship is a two person job. When one person makes a decision for both of them, without trying to reach a solution together, then that person isn't right for you.

OP how old are you, the correct answer really depends on this

>>18079455
reread.

Everytime OP was given advice, she shot it down. Has an excuse for EVERYTHING. OP is unwilling to compromise.

>>18079459
OP is 27, her (probably now ex) BF is 30.

How you can decide to make a life-long commitment with someone then decide to leave them the next day is well beyond me.

It shows that he doesn't love her enough, not the other way around. The irony of this amazes me, quite entertaining.

>>18079478
will you fags read the whole thing? this has already been addressed. it wasn't a split second decision. he took a few days to think about how he felt and came back with "we have different ideas for this relationship, I need to move on".

>>18079468
I can see both sides of this. General rule of thumb is don't get married before 30 years old. This guy is 30, so her wants to get married now, OP is not 30, so I'm assuming she wants to live the rest of her 20s not locked down.

They've only been dating 1.5 years, so that's not a whole lot of time to decide "I want to live the rest of my life with this person"

But on the other hand, OP has stated she wants to marry at some point, so why not now?

I think she should honestly let this one go though. The fact that the guy doesn't want a relationship anymore over this shows he's just not ready for a marriage.

>>18079478
Its simple. If you want a life long commitment with some one and they don't want it, you have to let go. Loving someone who doesn't love you is toxic. His decision to leave is the best solution.

>>18074697
if you already communicated how much you want this relationship to work out, there's nothing you can do except repeat yourself. I'd say it's worth one last ditch effort. Don't beg or plead, but tell him how much you value your relationship and tell him honestly why you said no.

alternatively, be thankful you dodged a huge bullet. this mofo bails on you because you're not ready to make a lifelong commitment? doesn't even take time to think about it, his attitude is just "you said no so I'm moving out asap, I don't care what your reasons are." and that's a shitty attitude to have in a partnership. he should at least try to hear you out and try to understand why you said no and why you think you're not ready.

what would happen if you guys were married and had some sort of major disagreement like this? would he just file for divorce immediately without making any effort to understand your side of things? idk man I get sentiments like this>>18074729 and there's definitely some truth to that, but people that bail on relationships that quickly when it could be salvaged, are the ones who are too immature for marriage.

let him go.

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24KB, 284x253px

>>18079696
Nigga disagreeing about getting married is not just some major disagreement. You are literally saying
>No, I don't want to commit the rest of my life to you
You fucking retard. Theres no salvaging that.

>>18079709
it is just some major disagreement. there are more divisive disagreements than this when you get older.

the only kind of people that let this ruin a relationship are insecure guys, and guys with unrealistic expectations.

how about the fact that he had no clue his gf wasn't ready for marriage? I've actually been dating my gf for 18 months and we love each other very much, but if I proposed, there's a decent chance she'd say no. Not because she doesn't want to be with me, or she's hoping something better will come along, but because it's just not the right time in our lives to make that commitment, to spend $25,000 on an average sized wedding, to begin having children, etc. I actually have my finger on the pulse of my relationship. her bf was clueless and remains clueless. He sounds impulsive and violently insecure.

>>18079728
>it is just some major disagreement
No you faggot. Where to move is a major disagreement. refusing to commit to the other person is irreconcilable differences.
God you are an idiot.

>>18079735
>refusing to commit to the other person right here, right now, without any additional time to think it through

I fixed your assumption for you. No need to thank me friend, it's my pleasure.

you know how I know you're 24?

>>18079755
>Im to stupid to understand how language works
Refusing to commit to the other person right here is refusing to commit to the other person. Fucking idiots I swear.

>>18079763
take your blood pressure medicine and reevaluate this statement you just made

refusing to commit to the other person right here, right now, without any additional time to think it through=refusing to commit to the other person now and forever

refusing to buy a car in the next 5 minutes=refusing to ever buy the car

>>18079780
Oh heres the strawmans. Fucking idiots I swear. Let me repeat once more for idiots.
>Refusing to commit to the other person right here is refusing to commit to the other person

>>18077180
Not everybody considers a wedding as a sign of full commitment
God these 20 y/o getting married after a year of relationship to divorce 3 months later sure are proving their love to each others
Man I'm not going to get married because I don't care in any mean about it, so you say I could never fully love someone? Just go back to the 1800's

>>18079792
>I love someone but Id never commit to them
Sounds legit