Sexual anxiety/ anxiety general

I apologize for the giant wall of text, I guess that didn't wrap properly.

But anyways, about the massage. I was nervous as fuck during the drive there and in the room. I got an hour massage and I couldn't really stop from tensing up down there. The massage was great, but my balls and heart did not feel relaxed at all. Even though I wasn't in the mood at all (I wasn't hard at all) I inquired about something extra at the end. Needless to say, as soon as I started to get a half-chub, I came immediately, it was fucking humiliating. I could not fucking control my body when she started touching me. She wasn't too attractive (completely average actually), but fuck, I just wanted to have at least one sexual experience. I half anticipated this happening, but I thought, fuck it. Had I known this would happen, I would have never initiated that. The fact that this happened makes me even more anxious sexually, especially if I get a legitimate sexual experience later in life.

So yeah, that's my sob story that i'm sure many KV's can relate with and people have seen here. I just want to become a semi-normie somehow, goddammit

semi-bump

I'm not really sure what kind of response i'm looking for, but I just felt like I should share this.

I really hate myself too; i'm stuck at a shitty retail job and I still live with my father and NEET brother who is even more worse off than me. I don't want to be a complete hopeless failure like him who hasn't believed in himself or tried anything remotely social the past 10 years. If anything, that drives me to try and improve myself. I have a few IT certifications, and i'm trying to sink a steady job along that line, but i'm not trying nearly as hard as I should, mostly because I doubt myself. I think I should really pound away at getting a successful career and try to make me actually like myself. I feel like if I enjoy myself and do somewhat interesting things with myself (and hopefully with other people) that will boost my self-esteem and approaching girls will come more natural. I really do need to try and get some decent hobbies other than just playing Magic, listening to metal, and playing drums by myself though. I really want to get a regular exercise regimen and join a band, but the anxiety kicks in again. It fuckin sucks.

>>18073225

feel ya bro.

I had my share of similar experiences and believe me I know scary that is.

But you can get past that, and how you do it is finding girls you feel really comfortable around in an intimate scenario. Ideally you want someone who had the same troubles, make it easier, someone slightly more awkward than yourself.

Sounds ridiculous but it's true, being in a situation where the girl is clearly more confident than you are can only work if (a) there's a lot of trust involved and (b) she is very patient - which as we both know, is very hard to find. Plus, there's something to witnessing someone else anxiety that induces our calm... probably something about our predator instincts. Bear in mind, I'm not telling you to rape anyone.