Self-esteem & Selfishness

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In a world where high self esteem is encouraged, I find it highly destructive. I have found when I had high self esteem, my mind and life were clouded by my pride/ego and I became absorbed in my selfishness. When I had a low view of myself, my knowledge and my abilities, I found myself thinking of the benefit of others a lot more, and I cared less for myself because in those moments, I found my condition unchangeable, that it cannot be helped, and attempts would be wasted. I simply accepted and agreed with my condition of being no good, and it brought me peace to know that it's not something I need to fight or change. This vision brought my eyes to heaven, to look at God who is perfect and so good to me despite my low self, which led me further from my selfish desires and closer to His heart. It's as if I would lose myself in sight of Him, because self was nothing, I was nothing, and I need not look to myself for anything, or any hope. I found this to be freeing and fulfilling both within and without. So the problem is not low self esteem. The problem is not accepting your low self esteem to be based on the fact that you're imperfect, and trying to change it. This trying to change it and trying to make yourself better or receive recognition from others that you are better than you know yourself to be - is the problem. It's not low self esteem, it's an improper response to low self esteem that is the problem. And choosing high self esteem is choosing evil itself. - Pavel Rudometkin