How do I become more confident, and become more immune to the

>>18072399
Stop masturbating. You'll feel like slaying puss, and getting more out there. And lift weights.

Practice... The confidence comes from within...
You should find something you have always wanted to do but never did, and go there do it.

That will bring you confidence... If it's not enough, keep repeating the process (find something you want and go for it until you have it). It could be working out, singing, learning something, visiting some place or someone...

Confidence makes you immune, but I gotta tell you that too much confidence is needed for that. You might cross the "arrogance" threshold while on it, and it's not good to do so, for you'll be blind to your errors who other might point out in order to help you.

>>18072399
by recognizing your own worth and just refusing to let the words of some sad sack of shit bring yo down

>>18072399

confidence is defined as 'the belief in the truth of something'.

so to be confident there has to be some truth you believe in.

i am confident that when people say im ugly that they are wrong, because my dating and sexual history shows that im more than reasonably attractive.

when people say my movie sucks i can be confident that they are wrong cuz for every random hater there's a legion of fans who love my work.

I can be confident when someone says that I'm bad at my job because i know that before i got here they were losing 50 thousand dollars a year and now were actually pulling a profit thanks to my work.

what do you have to feel confident about? and keep in mind that a 'truth' doesn't mean you are the BEST at something. no one is. you don't even need to be GREAT. so dont whine and say you're some horrible fucking human with nothing to be confident about, thats just you trying to victimize yourself so you can write off your issues as out of your control.

instead make a list of what you know you got going for you, then make a list of what you know you can improve. a lot of confidence comes from improvement because you can see the results.

>>18072418
hey this is a pretty good post

>>18072399

Stop giving a fuck and embrace the fact that none of this will ever matter. Not in a negative way, mind you.

Did that five years ago and I've been much better since.

>>18072399

You can build confidence like its a skill. Like building muscle at the gym it will take time and the results will probably be incremental. You will also likely experience a lag between when you reach a level of confidence and when you feel like you have. An analogy would be someone loses a bunch of weight going from fat to fit, even though they are now fit they still think of themselves as fat and the changes of their body take time to sink in for them. If this doesn't make sense let me know and I can try to explain it more clearly.

I got bullied a lot and was generally a social outcast through middle school and high school. When I went to college I reinvented myself. I had zero self esteem and self worth plus bad social skills. I started from the ground up with basic stuff like maintaining eye contact, not looking at the ground everywhere I went, slowing down my speech, correcting my posture etc.

Where are you in your life and whats your level of confidence OP? Maybe I could give you some tools or "exercises" to help you become more confident.

I have a very thick skin. Part of the reason I do is confidence, but unfortunately (in my opinion) the bigger part of why was from being bullied so much. Its also a personality thing, for example I'm not the type to take things personally. I don't know you OP, maybe you are predisposed to having thinner skin, maybe or average or maybe you could be a latent glutton for punishment. What I'm saying is aim for improvement, not immunity.

Being confident will help you accept criticism. This is not to be confused with never being bothered of effected by it. MOST people are bothered by criticism.

A big burden was lifted from me when realized that most people and their opinions don't matter to me.

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>>18072510
I wouldn't call myself a social outcast, but my social skills are on and off, sometimes I likely come across as incredibly autistic - sometimes I come off really confident and one of those types. The latter is more common though.

I have a couple of things that I do that I don't really like, in terms of my social mannerisms.

I struggle to maintain eye contact for more than 5 seconds (I've noticed I, however, am able to do this with some close friends) With this said, they have noticed that I HARDLY make eye contact with them. One of my close friends told me this, and some chick that's not in my life anymore had a real problem with it too. Hardly made eye contact with my ex either. It's even worse with my parents and other family.

I'm not even sure where to being desu senpai, there's just so much that I'd like to fix. And I've already tried with the nihilistic-esque approach, and all the other mental techniques but I still struggle so much with the basis even though I know there's no reason to feel the way I do.

>maybe you are predisposed to having thinner skin
I am, I have thickened it because it was too thin in which I was too sensitive to even jokes and stuff. Like, on 4chan people regularly insult each other jokingly -- which is something dudes do on a daily basis. Well, I always got offended - I never insulted anyone, never swore against anyone, etc.. It just wasn't something I did, or understood. I do it now though. It's almost as if I need to learn social cues that people seemed to have been born or raised with. I'm not sure what happened, maybe I was socially sheltered too much as a child? Me and my sister do seem to be social spergs compared to most other kids, and I feel it may be due to because we spent a lot of time with each other and not other children (although, this changed when we were at school) Only recently have we started talking again, after five years.

>>18072557
cont.

>latent glutton for punishment
I don't know what this means

Now that I think of it, there's heaps of problems I hadn't really thought of. I'm socially functionally, but not socially adept.

>>18072557

The eye contact thing is pretty easy to work on. Making and holding eye contact used to be very uncomfortable for me. What bothered me wasn't looking in to other people's eyes, it was having them look in to mine. What I did was practice eye contact while wearing sunglasses. The sunglasses helped protect me from the unease I normally felt when making eye contact. The sunglasses are like training wheel for eye contact.

My routine was to wear my shades, and consciously make and hold eye contact with people. You can do this with people like cashiers that you interact with. I also practiced small talk with cashiers while I was doing this.

There is a minor catch to be aware of. When I'm feeling confident I'm in the moment, not in my head. To consciously decide to make eye contact and to consciously maintain it means going in to your head some. Your ultimate goal is to make and hold eye contact automatically without thinking about it, and eventually you will.

having to go in to your head is one step back, but once you get eye contact down automatically you will have taken two steps forward.

Part of why I liked practicing on cashiers (they could be customer service people, a clerk or anything like that really) is because its a low stakes situation so if you fumble with your words because you have to focus on eye contact its not a big deal.

As you get better you can make a game of it and make eye contact with strangers and see who breaks it first.

>>18072557

>I never insulted anyone, never swore against anyone, etc.. It just wasn't something I did, or understood. I do it now though.

Its good that you have already started working on it! I am the same way to an extent. I can do this with close friends, but with people I'm not super comfortable with it can bother me. This isn't something I've ever consciously worked on. If I had a trick like training eye contact by wearing sunglasses I'd give it to you but I think this i the sort of thing where you will just have to put the time in.

>my social skills are on and off, sometimes I likely come across as incredibly autistic - sometimes I come off really confident

I think most peoples confidence is in flux to a degree, there are a lot of factors. Some could be how you are dressed, are you having a good hair day or a bad one, etc.

Your environment can make you feel more or less confident. For example You may not normally be a confident person, but you are really passionate and good at Warhammer 40k. The level of confidence you feel at your friendly local game store is probably going to be higher than your average because you are in your element.

Clothing can have a huge effect on how confident you feel. When I dress well I feel more confident. "It feels good to look good" is pretty trite but there's a lot of truth in it. That being said you MUST be comfortable in your outfit, and I don't mean physically. For example wearing a designer suit wont make you look like a million bucks if you aren't comfortable in your own skin while wearing it.

It took me a long time to be comfortable dressing fashionably.

>>18072399
By being better than others.

Read more than them, be in better shape than them, dress better, be funnier, dance better, sing better, etc

>>18072702
>be in better shape

Exercise is a super common piece of advice and one worth taking seriously.

>>18072696
>Its good that you have already started working on it! I am the same way to an extent.
This was about five years ago, but I'd still say I'm more sensitive than most. The thing is, sensitive in bizarre areas that people wouldn't really understand. Sometimes I come across as insensitive to friends because I don't understand why they'd be offended about something, or like that. Sometimes I do feel as though I missed a sociability training environment growing up or something that other people had.

>Some could be how you are dressed, are you having a good hair day or a bad one, etc.
Definitely this, the time when I felt really confident which is what I was referring to earlier was when I was dressed in a suit. I was just so confident dressed like that. It made me feel a lot better about myself, I don't know why though. I'm

>>18072399
your hair has a lot to do with your self esteem. if you try to make it really pretty then you will care about what others think. if it looks like shit on purpose then you will know what others are thinking already and dont have to be anxious about being judged.

>>18073000

>the time when I felt really confident which is what I was referring to earlier was when I was dressed in a suit. I was just so confident dressed like that. It made me feel a lot better about myself, I don't know why though.

I bet you can get this feeling by wearing things other than a suit too.

I know everyone isn't big in to fashion but it can become a hobby albeit a potentially expensive one. It can also really help you stand out to women, especially if you don't live in a major metro area.

>>18073311
>I bet you can get this feeling by wearing things other than a suit too.
Nah, not really.

>I know everyone isn't big in to fashion but it can become a hobby albeit a potentially expensive one.
I don't do things expensive, but I have been trying to upgrade my wardrobe. I'm trying to go for a formal, yet still casual approach. I think that will help a bit.

>It can also really help you stand out to women, especially if you don't live in a major metro area.
Ah, I don't really care about women anymore, not particularly keen on the problems, and trouble that comes with one. More academically inclined now, yeah I live in a city (only 400k tho).

>>18073311

this is true. i hang out with models and it can eb very intimidating. its bad enough with just one but when my friend has all his model friends around im suddenly the ugliest person around and its no good.

and if i show up wearing gym shorts and a T shirt because its the most comfortable way to get around set, i am of course comfortable, but i look like shit, and as a result, feel like shit.

when i put on a suit, its different, its form fitting, and makes my lean figure stand out, my ass pop, etc. i look good, and i worry less about /not/ being a model in a room full of models.

but even ifi ts not a suit, dressing nice helps. when i was in a rut and deep into nudism wearing clothes became uncomfortable so even when i wasn't on set, being in shorts and a T shirt just felt nicer.

until i was in that room full of models and realized how lazy i must've looked.

so i went back to my good wardrobe, even if not a suit i can still wear a nice shirt and nice looking jeans, and its great, i feel confident, i can even compete for women and succeed.

dress to look good on a daily basis. its nice and makes you appreciate yourself more even if no one else notices.

>>18073322
I agree with this a lot.

>>18073322

>>18073317
here

I work on set too. I pretty much just wear some chino shorts/jeans, running shoes and a t shirt. I have to get physical so I need practical clothes I don't have to worry about.

I worked on a movie and one of your actors was this fat black guy from Texas. He was a great guy and EXTREMELY successful with women, one of his exes was an NFL cheerleader.. He wasn't a looker in any way but he was 10 pounds of charisma in a 5 pound bag.

>>18073355

the fact that hes a paid actor give shim status.

>>18073355
>NFL cheerleader
Just means they have a good body, doesn't really imply anything else

>>18072399
bump