My wife of 5 years has said she has lesbian fantasies and is

>>18072261
You just say no. She promised to stay faithful to you when you got married, bisexual or no it still doesn't mean that she's allowed to cheat.
Unless she wants to open your relationship, she's asking something very unfair.

>>18072265
She heavily implied that she would open it on my end too, but she and I both know I am happy and don't have the desire to be with anyone else, so I guess she feels by offering me the chance to sleep around, I would never take it anyways.

>>18072279
If you don't give consent she'll likely go behind your back anyway. Being cuckolded by another woman is still being cuckolded.

I, personally, would never stand for this in a marriage - especially with children, expecting to "sleep around" or have any other self-conceited fantasies while you're raising young children seems incredibly irresponsible on her part. Mind you, I'm presuming the children are quite young.

This is precisely why I don't do relationships. Especially marriage, >>18072265 is right - this request is incredibly unfair for you. Tell her to watch porn, or fulfill it in a manner which does not conflict with the agreement she made when she married you.

>>18072287
Okay, so she going to go behind my back one day anyways. What do I do today?
We share a mortgage and have two kids. Neither of us can live on a single income. I can't just ditch her, and even if she does cheat on me, where am I then? I really don't want my kids to grow up divorced parents, they love us both so much that would just be a retarded hell for them.


The whole situation is damned if I do or damned if I don't. I can't let her cheat, I can't expect her to restrain herself for the next 40 years, I can't leave her, she can't leave me (probably shroud say won't, but let's use can't instead.)

No matter the scenario, I'm afraid.

>>18072265
This. A woman or a man is irrelevant. She promised to not fuck anyone but you by entering a monogamous marriage. End of story.

It doesn't matter what she offers. If you don't want an open relationship you don't. It's not what you agreed to.

>>18072305
She chose to restrain herself when she got married
She should have thought about that when she got married

>>18072279
>>18072305

If you wouldn't be happy with an open marriage, don't agree to it.
She agreed to stay faithful to you, you're not expected to change your agreement because she changed her mind. A change like that needs to be agreed by both sides.

You CAN expect her to restrain herself for the next 40 years, like you're supposed to restrain yourself for the next 40 years.

>>18072305
Raising kids in an unhealthy marriage is far worse than raising kids in divorce. Trust me, I was raised with divorced parents. It's an inconvenience but not living hell.

It's a normal and celebrated practice for straight couples to pick up college-age single women. College-age guys just don't know about this because they're not getting any.

>>18072261
She never told you she was bi when you hooked up or before getting married ?

One thing that is really bothering me is how she can consider it. Like, for me, sleeping around, even with permission, is not something I would even consider.
Why doesn't it bother her to consider sleeping around when it bothers me?
Can this fantasy of hers be really that important to her?

>>18072327
Nope, she just told me recently she kissed a few girls in high school but never pursued anything because it wasn't socially acceptable where we lived or for her family.

She says she happy, but now, out of the blue (from my point of view) wants to try something different.

>>18072261
Would a 3 some be some sort of middle ground? I'm married, with kids, and bisexual and that, to mm, would be the only compromise that makes sense.

>>18072320
Seconded. My parents divorced in a very civil manner, and I was able to go freely between their houses and they agreed to live within relative close distance of each other.

Holidays are a bitch and I've definitely felt the advantages my non-divorced raised peers have had, but yea, it imagine it's better than a toxic environment, where you live with parents who drive each other crazy enough to punch holes in walls.

>>18072329
it's not fantasy but a desire she has and is willing to lose her marriage and family for it. Marriage works when both parties are equally committed to the commitment and she is looking for a loophole and your acquisence to do things that hurt you but make her happy. If she wants to do this then she needs to ball up and commit to her new lifestyle and be willing to lose her marriage and family. This is not your decision but hers.

>>18072320
Thirded. My parents had a completely fucked relationship and it took years of arguing before I finally convinced my mom to divorce. Things were much better after that.
If as a kid all you see at home is resentment and anger you start absorbing that.

>>18072333
And especially considering this post, it seems she's getting greener grass syndrome, so the relationships seems doomed to fail pretty soon.

>>18072261
*cough cough* threesome*cough cough

>>18072323
What

You need to make it clear to her that having sex with another woman is still breaking the traditional relationship you had.

Tell her HOW YOU FEEL if she wants to so badly, the advice of the people here is completely subjective to how they feel.

If you don't want to fuck others and she cheats, then it's possible you can break off the sexual relationship and raise your kids all in the same house.

But you just have to make it clear to her that even suggesting an open relationship causes serious repercussions in a marriage.

>>18072411
this, or watch like a cuck

>>18072338
That's what I'm thinking for OP.

If it bothers you and you are not comfortable with it, tell her that it makes you feel that way. You can also think about it some more before you give a final answer because it could just be the shock of it.

Ultimately, you're gonna have to put your feelings above hers.

>>18072338
>>18072411

Threesomes don't solve anything. There's plenty of cases where a guy thought he was on top of the world because his bisexual wife agreed to a threesome only to topple straight into hell when the two girls ditched him. Alan Moore is a famous example of this. On top of that if OP isn't open to an open marriage what makes you think a threesome would be better?

Seriously, this isn't the time or place for a dumb teenage sexual fantasies.

>>18072461
I've known several couples that have had threesomes that didn't hurt their marriage, one of those couples has had lots of them. For some couples it works, especially when it's just sex and no feelings get involved.

See, here's the problem: Marriage isn't something that you just do 'cause you're supposed to or because you think it's an interesting thing to try.

This is one of those things where I think the Catholics are the ones who've got it right. According to official doctrine, you're supposed to go through a year of counseling and guidance before actually walking down the aisle to fully understand the implications of what you're doing.

Your wife is bi-sexual. That means she feels attraction towards both men and women... which literally has no bearing on whether or not she should engage in extra-marital relations. What is the difference between someone bisexual seeking relations outside of the marriage and a heterosexual person then? Fucking NOTHING. Like imagine if your wife said that she wanted to go fuck dudes that were not you - this not not different than that in any way.

I'm a liberal so I am all for LGBT rights and empowerment, but don't be blinded by SJW-ness and think that you HAVE to let your wife be with another woman from some misplaced sense of guilt or needing to be supportive.

What the other anons said is right - if she wants this bad enough then she needs to put her family and her marriage up on the table if you are not OK with this. That's the whole point of marriage - she doesn't get to fuck around just because her pussy is tingly just like how a man can't just stick his dick in another hole because he keeps getting hard around it.

I'd like to add to that by saying that people change and different feelings/wants come in cycles and waves. She's going crazy for puss right now, but that might just pass in a few years.

Either way, then it's time to start thinking about an exit strategy and a worst case scenario. If separation is all possible then you have to plan around it.

>>18072500

Oh yeah, and how well do you REALLY "know" them?

It happens all the time - some shit happens and then afterwards their closest family and friends go "wow, I had no idea... he/she/they seemed perfectly happy and normal to me"

Woman with woman sex isn't cheating, just like man with prostitute also isn't cheating.

>>18072261
Sorry mate, but you're already fucked. She now wants to sleep with a woman and there's good odds she'll do it with or without you. If you say yes, she'll still cuck you by seeing someone on the side with the excuse that you agreed to it. If you say no, she'll cuck you by seeing someone on the side with the excuse that you were denying her a part of herself.

Hide your assets, talk to a lawyer, get an accountant, then get counseling, because you've got kids and if you find out, she will more than likely rape your withered husk of a life regardless of how good a husband you've been.

Really hope this is just being transparent and open and she'd remain faithful, desires or not. Good luck.

>>18072512
2 of my friends (different relationships) I've know since I was 14-15 years old and I'm 32, so almost half my life. These are close friends, I'm one of the only ones outside of their relationship that knows about their threesomes, both are pretty happy in their marriages.

>>18072522
Best advice so far.

I belong to a marriage forum where one of the spouses is bi or gay (usually this comes out after they are married). Usually it's the guy but there are also many spouses in the forum where the wife turns out to be bi/lesbian. The scenario is usually this:

>woman comes out to husband after years of marriage
>they discuss whether she can meet another woman
>he agrees (subcosciously thinking this is hot)
>wife finds a friend and starts seeing her
>unlike guys who can have sex with no connection, wife develops feels for other woman
>wife starts getting her emotional and sexual needs met by the other woman
>sex and emotional connection with husband fades
>if other woman is unattached, she starts pushing for wife to be "authentic" to herself and get rid of husband
>husband wants to close marriage and go back
>wife resents husband for taking her happiness away
>marriage ends

Happens time and time again.

>>18072774
Yep, men don't understand that being cucked by a woman is just as bad as being cucked by another man. God damn cucks.

>>18072261

ask her how she'd feel if you slept with other men.

>>18073127
Did you even read the OP? She implied that he could sleep with other women - do you think if he took it up the arse it'd be any different?

>>18072342

>and is willing to lsoe her marriage and family for it.

how do you know? she hasnt said 'im going to do this regardless of how you react' she asked permission.

another part of being married is having open communication. this includes, thoughts ,desires, and requests. for all she know OP had similar feelings or wouldn't mind so much. she asked, not demanded. shes doing what married people are supposed to do: discuss their feelings.

>>18072261

Your relationship is already over mate.
Best you can do is get children on your side and divorce that mad cunt.

>>18072261
she doesnt really want to, shes just saying that because she feels very constrained around you.

>>18073199

And your basis for that conclusion is... what?

>>18073137
read my post here >>18072774

the difference is a guy could go out, have sex with another woman (or guy) without the emotional connection. Women generally can't do that so the guy loses both the sexual AND emotional connection he has with his wife.

>>18072261
Bisexual woman here engaged to a man as well and yeah what she's doing is unacceptable

I've known I'm bi since I was young, but that doesn't change the fact that loyalty and integrity applies to any and all relationships regardless of gender

From one bi person to another: Your sexuality isn't invalid if you don't sleep with somebody of the same gender, and your sexuality doesn't only become valid after you've had sexual experiences to affirm it. If you know you're bi, then you're bi.

You say no because when she exchanged vows she decided that you were more important than "having the experience." If that has changed now just bc she really really wants to have somebody else besides you go down on her, then she's in the wrong for it.

Take bisexuality out of it and the rest just sounds like 'hey I didn't get to fully explore my sexuality before getting married and having children but now I'd like to but still keep these things'. I feel that is unacceptable in a monogamous relationship no matter how many feelings are being hurt by being unable to have everything you want. Like where does this modern idea that denying yourself something is a greater wrong than the advantages and positives brought into your life by a stable marriage and children?

Tell her you want her to pick up her shit and leave to try something different

>>18072261
ALERT ALERT ALERT THIS IS YELLOW BELLY YONI CRONY.

>>18072522
This

Don't listen to the threeway cucks, Jamal, Juan, muhumad, and Cletus are already fucking their wife behind their back

Strap yourself and get ready for war family

>>18072261
My wife and I have a similar issue. I found out kind of later in life that I have a thing for twinks and she wants to be rotisseried... so we're on the hunt for a temporary twink. We'll never find him but we joke about it.

Communication. If she wanted a woman, she'd either have to let me join in or find me a twink. Easy-peasy.

>>18072323
is this a cult thing?

>>18072261
>you have no idea who's feelings are more important in this situation

There's your problem. Feelings aren't important in this situation. You could have even considered letting her mess around under different circumstances but you have 2 kids, presumably fairly young if you have only been married 5 years. You and your wife have a commitment to those children. Tell her that those kids are more important than her fantasies and desires right now. Maybe look into counseling but make sure it's focused on preserving the marriage. Your wife had an opportunity to pursue her own desires as selfishly as she wanted but that ended when she entered a marriage with you. And especially after having children. She is putting the well being of her family at risk because of her own desires. Just think what she and the vast majority of people would say if you were to say "hey I think I want to experiment with heroin, I popped a few pills in high school but I want to try heroin. Come on honey, I am okay if you want to go smoke crack, I think I need to experience this."

>>18075974
>Tell her that those kids are more important than her fantasies and desires right now.

Women don't care lmao.

>>18075974

>feelings aren't important
>being faithful to your family is

As true as that is, I have seen so many people break their families apart because of a way they were "feeling" one day.

Like my brother's wife who decided that because she missed out on doing things like a normal high school and college student - y'know, party till you black out and fuck random strangers - so she just started doing them. While my brother worked two jobs to support her and their two children.

While she would go and party and get drunk and 3 to 4 AM, come home and pass out for eight hours with toddlers who were up at 6 AM, with a five year old making breakfast for her two year old brother because Mommy's got a hangover and doesn't give a fuck.

And then because she pursued divorce first, she got custody, and left my brother with all the debt and a heartache he still hasn't healed from completely 7-8 years later.

Tell your wife that she can fuck around with ladies when the kids are 18 and out of the house.

>>18076012
I agree a lot of people don't care about anything other than what they want at the moment. But if I was OP I would rather get my stuff together and tell my wife that rather than let her screw around and watch my marriage and family be destroyed while I sat back being a cuck loser.

>>18076025
I'm just saying OP has a choice, let his wife walk all over him and destroy the family or stand up for his family and tell her that marriage and family are more important than her current whims. I guess it depends on whether OP wants to risk dying on his feet or living on his knees. And he isn't guaranteed life on his knees either, just temporary relief.