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If I've really tried hard to do something for the last couple of years is to get rid of that destructive ego that fills some part of my soul.
Anything that feeds the ego, I avoid it at all costs so I can continue to fight for a tempered state of being.
But I have this problem.
Tomorrow I have to do this presentation (I haven't even prepared it) on some Aerodynamics topics.
The thought of doing it has made me pursue all sorts of knowledge in the maths required to explain it.
Part of me really wanted to do give it right. I despise people who stand up and read from a power point and call it a day. I hate that. If I want to educate others on something I want to do a careful thorough presentation on everything that needs to be said in order to understand it.
But the other part of me just wants to show off.
Am I trying to show off to the others? Is it correct to try to give a class properly? Or am I trying to inflate my own ego?
I honestly don't care much about the topics. I couldn't care less about aerodynamics but I have to do the presentation. Why not do it right?
However that other part says that I just want to do it right so I can get some sort of ego boost in front of the others for memorizing trivial stuff about the topics and some maths I probably don't even fully understand.
And this makes me really really uncomfortable.
What do I do?
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This obsessive rumination sounds like self-absorption and in itself fuels ego. All you must do is forget yourself and love others, and you will be calm, happy, and beautiful.
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>>18068963
>and love others
But I do sometimes. Not fully.
One of my main thoughts for doing this is because I wanted to teach others so they don't remain in the same obscurity of not really knowing what things are really about.
However I am not naive and I also see this for what it is. A probable attempt for me to put myself on top of others. To feel superior. And I despise this.
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You only have the tiniest grasp of the reality around you. Societal feedback can clue you in on what all those people and experiences consider worthwhile and admirable, so seeking admiration is not inherently wrong.
You shouldn't, of course, become a puppet of public opinion, but you've already got a defense system for that. Love it, but give it a healthy dose of skepsis as well. It's a common superstition that harmful thoughts are planted by malevolent spirits, but it's a pragmatic one.
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Make all you actions be for the benefit of your fellow man.
They benefit if you are good.
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>>18068947
Wanting to do something right isn't bad. Wanting to be admired and show off isn't bad either. It's about wanting to be accepted and praised for a job well done. It becomes unhealthy when you seek it all of the time. Good luck on your presentation and don't ruminate about this kind of stuff all the time. It only fuels your obsessive self absorbed thinking.
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