Feeling of Rape

>>18067574
It just feels so overwhelming in the moments throughout the day. For example I'm in class looking at a girl and all I could think about is just what I would do to her and I get in this kind of zone.

>>18067589
>can't get laid
>channels this into wanting to torture and rape women

lmao what is wrong with men? you're literally worse than an animal.

What would be the best way to discourage you people coming anywhere near me? Gun? Knife? Big dog? Screaming angrily?
This might have a component of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD, invasive thoughts). What you should do is seeing a therapist, sorry. It doesn't necessarily mean you'll be sent to an asylum, they'll just help you deal with your inner thoughts and the control of your emotions.

>>18067604
Yes but I don't see it as a part of my emotions just something I really want and need to do. I don't necessarily want this feeling to go away as I feel raping and doing what I want would be the ultimate thing in my life to do. I just want to know what I should do with this etc. I don't even know what I'm asking really.

>>18067574
t. Ahmed

>>18067610
They are emotions. Like it or not, you are completely controlled by your emotions. It's not something rational, first step is to stop telling yourself that lie. You do need professional help...

>>18067622
i bet OP is hispanic

they're not sending their best, folks

>>18067626
>You do need professional help...
You must be a woman or a neutered man, because this is actually pretty normal for guys.

>>18067647
it's not normal to want to torture and rape women and not feel bad about those desires, OP even feels like it's his destiny. read throughly before commenting, retard.

>>18067660
I never said the felt like it's my destiny, just that is something that I really want to do and act on though I can't because of laws

Wtf is wrong with you. Most guys do not think this way.

Jesus, I dismiss the SWJ as delusional but maybe they're right about some guys if this is "normal" to you

>>18067693
Op here. I never said this was normal. I know it isnt normal, guys might have sexual fantasies like this but would never see themselves actually raping someone whereas if I was in the situation I would much rather rape and abuse/torture than have consensual sex

>>18067698
Hi! I have been raped before and I am interested to learn a little more about your mind.

So you like the idea of causing someone else severe mental trauma and/or ruining their lives? Like: is it the long term damage that is appealing to you or is it more of an in the moment thing? Would you get long term enjoyment from imagining your target in the hospital or in therapy, for example?
Is it the powerlessness? Do you also fantasize about physically hurting people? Just women, or men too? Did anything happen in your past that you can tie to this desire of yours?
How often do you have consensual sex? Do you plan on having a family one day? What is your occupation?

Thank you for taking the time to answer these questions. I can answer any questions also, if you care to ask them

>>18067720
Will answer this when I get out of the shower I'm 15 mins. Check back for there. I'll answer any follow up questions too. So brb

>>18067720
>So you like the idea of causing someone else severe mental trauma and/or ruining their lives? Like: is it the long term damage that is appealing to you or is it more of an in the moment thing? Would you get long term enjoyment from imagining your target in the hospital or in therapy, for example?

I would get a lot of enjoyment from causing not only mental pain but also severe pain physically.
I would get more pleasure if they were for example locked up in my house and I could see there emotions than if they were in therapy

>Is it the powerlessness? Do you also fantasize about physically hurting people? Just women, or men too? Did anything happen in your past that you can tie to this desire of yours?

Mostly women, I love the idea of having them and doing whatever I want whether rape or abuse.
Nothing in my past can ever describe this

>How often do you have consensual sex? Do you plan on having a family one day? What is your occupation?

Don't really have consensual sex often. Not saying I wouldn't or can't, I would love to. It's just I hate relationships and don't relate with anyone emotionally like that enough to care.
Family-Maybe
Occupation-undergrad student

You can ask follow up questions if you want, I've got nothing else to do lol.

Your feelings are deeply disturbing.

if you did do it any friends or family that you have would never forgive you if you got cought. Imagine a loved ones face if they found out you raped someone?


From a practical standpoint, I think you should make sure that if you do watch porn you should quit. You don't wanna end up getting used to having disturbing fetishes.

>>18067558
>implying your lil dick could get hard

Kek

>>18067842

>if you did do it any friends or family that you have would never forgive you if you got cought. Imagine a loved ones face if they found out you raped someone?

Obviously I'd be embarrassed, but that wouldn't make me regret doing. I honestly wouldn't care what they thought and if they forgave me or not.

>From a practical standpoint, I think you should make sure that if you do watch porn you should quit. You don't wanna end up getting used to having disturbing fetishes.

Porn is the literal only way I stop the feeling. It's like a kind of zone I get in where I don't stop thinking about the girls and porn is the only real way to suppress it so I literally don't go insane thinking about it 24/7. It's a kind of head clearer for a while

>>18067824
Thank you for answering my questions.

I do have some follow ups:
What are you studying in undergrad? Would you get enjoyment out of killing your victim? Is the pleasure a sexual pleasure or nonsexual? Do you enjoy sharing positive emotions with people, or love? Do you love anyone in your family? If your mother were to get raped, would that make you feel happy or sad?

>>18067870
lol i love this girl

not op btw

>>18067870

>What are you studying in undergrad?

Pure Mathematics

>Would you get enjoyment out of killing your victim? Is the pleasure a sexual pleasure or nonsexual?

I have definitely thought about that and although I have never done it, I do think I would get pleasure out of killing them and harming them. It would be both. I would get a sexual pleasure with it. But I also do want to kill them since I have them with full control

>Do you enjoy sharing positive emotions with people, or love?

I love having positive moments, I laugh all the time with friends and stuff. But it never really goes beyond that, just laughing. I don't really share love with people.

>Do you love anyone in your family?

I do feel a sort of connection with my father and he's the one I associate my self with in the father but I wouldn't really call the connection "love" as if you were to give me 200,000 and tell me I wouldn't get caught I'd blow his brains out.

>If your mother were to get raped, would that make you feel happy or sad?

I wouldn't care to be honest. Although of course I'd act like I would.

>>18067872
<3

>>18067891
Do you think having a positive relationship with your victim prior to abusing her would heighten the enjoyment you get? Do you think of yourself as a good person, a bad person, or neither? Do you like/dislike animals? Do you feel numb to things in general? Have you ever felt protective over anyone- like you didn't want harm to come to them? Is there any particular type of woman/look that you are most interested in attacking?

>>18067558
Hi OP, the thoughts you're having sound like invasive thoughts and I understand the fear of not wanting to talk about these thoughts with a therapist. Your best hope is in fact to speak with a therapist. You're not alone in having these invasive thoughts. Sadly, it's pretty common for those of us struggling with mental/mood disorders. There are techniques and meds that therapists can help you with in order to manage these thoughts so they no longer control you and cause you distress. You're NOT a monster. I struggle with invasive thoughts of how I should kill myself. I've been to therapists and stuff. I was afraid too about being "put away" in an asylum too but it never happened. I'm doing better now and going to uni. Hang in there and get some help Anon. Don't listen to these fags saying it's ok to want to rape and torture and kidnap people.

>>18067891
On further thought, it seems from your answers with this femanon, it seems that you potentially have a personal disorder. Maybe antisocial personality disorder, psychopathy.

Everyone has fantasies.
If you like it, try rape play with a consenting partner.

Youre not a fucking animal and you can control your urges, so you have no excuses. You're fully responsible for all your actions no matter what your fabtasies are.

>>18067910

>Do you think having a positive relationship with your victim prior to abusing her would heighten the enjoyment you get?

Extremely, most times I think of it it's of someone I know.

> Do you think of yourself as a good person, a bad person, or neither?

Niether

>Do you like/dislike animals? Do you feel numb to things in general?

I like animals I do think my dogs I used to have were cute and I would play with them.
I feel generally numb to things yes.

>Have you ever felt protective over anyone- like you didn't want harm to come to them?

No, not that I can think of. Maybe my father when I was younger in my teens.

>Is there any particular type of woman/look that you are most interested in attacking?

Beautiful women lol. I mean the women I would like to abuse would be the ones I find beautiful and sexy maybe other components but I couldn't pinpoint what

>>18067929
Never been diagnosed as either but have always been antisocial ever since I was little

>>18067977
Ofc you haven't been diagnosed as anything since younjust said seeing a therapist isn't something you've done. Does this type of thinking scare you or are you ok with it?

>>18067970
Okay, interesting.

Have you talked to any other people who feel the same way in regards to rape as you do, ether online or in person? In your personal opinion, do people want to rape for different reasons or do you think they all have a similar mindset to you? Do you ascribe to any specific political views? Do you see women as sub human? Were you raised with any specific religious influence?

>>18067977
Never crossed you mind that you might be a psychopath and do you understand what that means in any society?

"Antisocial" is a guy that doesnt really want to meet with people.
Wanting to rape and proclaim no feelings or remorse towards destroying other people (yet seeing yourself as neither good or bad) is psychopathy, a thing that renders you a threat to people.

>>18067997
No op. Anti-social personality disorder is the broad category that psychopathy and sociopathy fall under. Just sayin.

>>18067558
well I assume you're a bit of a reclusive, not socially integrated person, especially due to your lack of empathy and your fear that this obsession would lead to you being institutionalized. There's no such thing as a thought crime. Having a fetish and/or an obsession is not criminal.

A rape fetish actually makes perfect sense to me. Maybe the more appealing part, the part I'm actually capable of relating to, is just going for what you want aggressively without asking. There's some appeal to that, yeah.

What's concerning is how you never mentioned anything about empathy for whoever you would be assailing. If an opportunity to rape someone with a predisposition for PTSD or something came up, and you took it, that would be a grossly antisocial action right up there with people labeled psychopathic and antisocial.

Maybe you aren't as antisocial as you predict, and wouldn't be able to truly rape someone. It's honestly irrelevant, because you shouldn't be practicing any of this beyond roleplay. That would be stupid and illegal.

>should I get help?
Well the only real problems here are
1. you might be a social outcast, and that might really bite your ass some day soon
2. you might be antisocial
3. you might get yourself in trouble with the law or something

Is this a reason to go to a doctor and get "fixed"? No, not in itself. Not unless this fetish/obsession you have actually evolves into a problem, which it potentially could.

>>18067988

I mean I'm fine with going to a therapist.its just I'd rather not get prescribed pills or some shit that will fuck up my mind.

>>18067994

>Have you talked to any other people who feel the same way in regards to rape as you do, ether online or in person?

No, no one at all

>in your personal opinion, do people want to rape for different reasons or do you think they all have a similar mindset to you?

I think they all have different reasons, I can't really label everyones reasons.

>Do you ascribe to any specific political views?

Liberal, Voted Democrat every single time I've voted. Id align myself socialist but I'd have to read more on it to really commit to that label.

>Do you see women as sub human?

No, they can be just as effective, smart, as a man can, sometimes even better. I don't really look down on women as if they are sub human.

Gonna sound douchey but I look as everyone as a whole as sub human.

Were you raised with any specific religious influence?

Parents were Greek orthodox, took me to church etc. I never believed in all that even when I was little. Was an atheist back then, don't remember what age though

>>18068010
Okay- I don't have any more questions.
Thank you for answering honestly.

Let me know if there's anything you want to ask back

>>18068010
>I'd just rather not get prescribed some pills or some shit that will fuck up my mind

It would fuck up your neurochemistry, and you're right to not want that. If someone is like, in bed for months or bouncing off the ceiling, then they would probably benefit from drugs. having a thought you don't like can't be treated with drugs, not if it's a true obsession.

>>18068006
I agree with most of the advice- but I would suggest that you do try to get it fixed in therapy.

If it's possible to modify your mindset to where you are completely satisfied and content with your life WITHOUT this fetish, then you should pursue that.

Although it's not illegal to have these thoughts, it might as well be "socially illegal", like pedophelia. If anyone were to find out that you were interested in this sort of thing, they'd treat you as if you had already committed the act.

Keeping a secret like this and suppressing this desire may weigh too heavily on you.

>>18068014

You mentioned before about your rape. Do you mind talking about like what happened, not like how it happened but how you felt afterwards. One thing I've never understood is why women are traumatized or affected by the rape

>>18068010
>>18068022

Being prescribed meds doesn't mean you have to take them. As a patient, you have the right to refuse meds.

With that being said, yes, some meds aren't effective at all. However, some are. A truly good therapist won't just prescribe you meds and send you on your merry way. A good therapist will prescribe you meds and have you attend a program, most likely DBT program that's highly effective in teaching people to manage the thoughts and emotions and interactions with people they have everyday. Some meds can actually help with managing invasive thoughts. Check out the research. You're here on 4Chan asking these questions. Does it bother you, having these thoughts?

>>18068026

Well I do kind of like this fetish. I love to think about it and fantasize and act out in my mind and would love to act on it. I just don't like how it's kind of on my mind and I get in a fucking zone where I keep thinking about it. Kind of distracting and shit

>>18068026
This anon is right, OP. suppressing these thoughts will only lead to one day exploding and going on some kidnapping and rape/torture spree. It's impossible to control emotions and thoughts. It is possible however to manage them.

http://www.dbtmind.com/2011/10/how-you-can-overcome-intrusive-thoughts/

Check out the above link.

>>18068035
why is it that the majority of what we have to choose from is

>people who think they're smart enough to be gurus touting CBT
>people who think they're new age enlightened touting DBT

it's not much of a framework. it's more like a flimsy three pages of actual theory, both of them. and I'll be fucked if it's actually a theory. it's like coming up with a theory that most people identify the sky as blue. thoughts lead to behaviors which lead to actions which lead to thoughts, in a theoretical sort of way - no goddamned tits.

how about an actual therapist, and an intelligent one at that?

well either way, connection with a decent person, someone who cares about you, can really help


OP is either like (to pull out another theoretical box)
>ocd
>autist
>antisocial

something is telling me ocd, since he is afraid of being sent to an institution or a thought crime

>>18068035
I do like having the thoughts alot. I think it gives maximum pleasure to think about it and give even more to act it out.
What bothers me might be the kind of mindset where I'm constantly thinking about it like it's insatiable. There might are other reasons but I can't really describe it with words

>>18068053
yeah having a fetish turn into an obsession that you can't (or just really shouldn't) fulfill is difficult. maybe seek counseling. that's what you're doing here, seeking counseling with us. I'm afraid of what some people will tell you, but I think overall people will want to help and should come up with some okay advice, especially if they're good professionals.

before I try to help you with anything though, do you have empathy? would you feel remorse either before during or after traumatizing someone?

>>18068051
But I would love to fulfill it like this, I just wouldn't want to get caught of course

>>18068066
would you care if you psychologically damaged someone, because rape often does

>>18068064
I would say no, I don't really have empathy

>>18068053
I see. I can't empathise with you on that however, I do miss being super suicidal and sorrowful or super super happy since I feel as if I made great art and poetry. I realised I miss those thoughts and feelings I use to exist in so often. Yet, I see logically that existing like that isn't beneficial to me and my health in the long-run. You've mentioned you don't have empathy or feelings towards others except that people in general are beneath you. How do you feel about yourself? Do you think that not managing these thoughts and the negative behaviour which could arise these thoughts is unimportant?

>>18068070
No, would only heighten my experience with them

>>18068080
not that people's self-reporting is at all reliable, you sound mildly antisocial aspy whatever, with an obsession. what do you expect to be done about this?

>>18068077
I don't really feel much about myself. I don't hate nor love myself.

And yes, the behavior I think that could come from the thoughts is unimportant. I don't really care what could come from it as long as it does not affect me in some negative way

>>18068033
Sure thing. Sorry if I write too much, the easiest way for me to remember how I felt is to retrace the experience.
Right afterwards, I was very tired but surprisingly calm. I just laid where I was with a blank mind until someone found me and called an ambulence. I felt... apathetic I guess? Very numb and uncaring.

At the hospital had to re-tell what happened like 50 times to various police officers and members of the hospital. They did a rape kit on me which was very painful. The kit includes putting some kind of burning stinging substance on my vagina and anus to reveal tears, close up photographs of my private parts, and inserting tools in to me to assess internal damage.
Having just been raped, I did not want this to happen so I resisted physically, held me down because they needed to gather the evidence. Because I resisted the rape kit, they put me in the psych ER where I was tied to a bed in the clothes I had been raped in without having showered for four days.
That's where I went insane. The shock of what happened wore off and it was torture being stuck in there.
I felt like I was dying internally. It was the mental version of bleeding to death. It was slow and got progressively worse and I felt weaker and weaker until I felt numb.
I started to hallucinate. The nurses started to sound like they had the voice of the person who had raped me. I became paranoid that they were keeping me in there to torture me.

Eventually they agreed to let me out if my parents came and picked me up, which was devastating. Watching them react to the situation was almost as bad as having to go through it myself.

It took me one year to recover. I had nightmares that just replayed the experience. I was afraid to leave my room. I thought I'd hear/see him randomly.

The feeling was panic, mixed with hopelessness. I would describe the panic part is how I'd feel if someone threateningly held a gun to my head, or stabbed me and I was starting to bleed out (C)

>>18068094
yeah this is the worst-case scenario result of a rape.

I'd put a rapist down with a shotgun, but we have a legal and law enforcement system that ends up protecting a lot of shitty people

but yeah if I were the sheriff I'd kill the kid as an example

>>18068094
Why are you telling him this if its obvious he will use your experience to further not only his fantasies but actual plans of raping somebody?
He already said, knowing about suffering only makes it more pleasurable for him.

>>18068104
Lol I didn't ask to get some kind of pleasure out of it.

>>18068088
> I don't really feel much about myself. I don't hate or love myself.

Are you sure? You believe all humans are sub par. That they are not quite human. What does this say about how you view yourself. How you view yourself does not equate to how you feel about yourself.

> ...as long as it does not affect me in a negative way.

Ah. But it will eventually catch up with you either by being out in prison or worse. This isn't some fetish. This is serious.

>>18068094
Those panic episodes came in waves, usually 2 or 3 a day for about 20 minutes each. It's overwhelming fear. I feel like I see it in animals that are about to be eaten.

The majority of the time was the hopelessness feeling. That was a feeling of extreme weakness and vulnerability. Like how I would feel about myself if I had no arms and legs. It felt heavy on my chest, like I was reduced to something that was not human. Like someone could slit my through and I wouldn't have the heart to fight or resist. It's like a resignation. Giving up to the bad of the world and allowing it to dominate my outlook.

Those feelings, which were diagnosed as severe depression and ptsd, were eventually resolved in a year with the help of a therapist. I don't really know how they stopped, my therapist did something with these buzzing eggs that I held in my hands and she associated a pattern of buzzes with happy memories and a pattern with the rape memory, and somehow related them to be able to reflect on the memory with a safe and secure mentality.

I don't know how it affects other women, but I never had sex with someone that I wasn't in love with, so for a random person to take advantage of me physically was very confusing because it evoked feelings of love which made me feel guilty.

>>18068111
I am not saying that you did in this particular case but you made your intention and state of mind obvious in previous posts.

>>18068077
why are you wasting this much fucking time trying to play therapist with a sociopath?

sage, OP is either a normal teenage edgelord or someone who needs professional psychiatric help.

>>18068104
I was interested to learn more about his mindset. He was interested to learn more about mine.

I obviously cannot have this type of diologue with someone like him in real life, so it is a valuable conversation. I am interested to learn what he thinks. One thing that I have yet to get closure over is the mentality of my rapist and what would cause someone to attack me. It's difficult for me to accept that people exist who would do such a thing.

And yes, I don't want to give him any information that would help him rape someone in the future.

>>18068122
Well I mean I do view myself as smarter and more than everyone else. And I see myself with more potential than others.

>>18068132
Not quite a sociopath. Or a psychopath. As op hasn't done anything yet, we can't determine whether or not he actually is one or the other. However, the fundamental difference between a psychopath and sociopath is how methodical they are and how well they can charm people.

With that said, why does it bother you that I'm having a conversation with the op? I'm not playing therapist as you say it. And even if I was, what I do with my time is none of your business.

>>18068139
I know that. Thank you for sharing. I'm curious though. What has benefitted you from having these conversations here today? What do you believe you've gained?

>>18068154
The thoughts might be controllable, even though I do like them they can be a bit excessive and annoying. Showed me avenues I can take to help with that

>>18068163
Don't confuse controllable with manageable OP. there's quite a difference. If you have any further questions, I'd enjoy answering them to the best of my ability. Otherwise, I wish you well in learning to manage these thoughts. Hopefully we don't end up hearing about you going to jail, or being put to death. Certainly wouldn't be in your favour to have either of those things occur to you.

I'm sure you have other interests you can occupy your time with and you seem very intelligent, putting aside the arrogance.

>>18067558
If you are actually picking out possible victims in class and thinking about how you could get away w it. You need help. And no one on this board can provide you that help.

It seems that you have expressed that you would not care if you destroyed someone's life over this obsession of yours. I have fears that you will act out your obsessions. Please seek help anon.

Hey OP

Would you feel anything if someone were to overpower kidnap and torture you?

>>18068253
No, obviously I would want to get out and fucking kill them for doing that but I wouldn't be traumatized or have ptsd. Or at least I think

>>18068126
this made me cry. have been raped myself but my scenario was different. ive had pretty much the exact same feelings after it happened with all the panic attacks. thanks for sharing

>>18067647
>wanting to rape and torture is normal
You also need professional help.

I do think you need professional help. It seems like you have no empathy- never once have you considered the impact on a woman if you did that to her. It also seems like you have some kind of compulsion (OCD maybe) that's causing you to fixate on the thoughts.

Either way, an anonymous image board is not the place to go. Go to somewhere or someone that has genuine expertise.

>>18068137
Hoe is your sex now? Do you fantasize about Rape sometimes?

>>18069298
I never fantasize about rape during sex, since I have a partner that I love and feel versus safe/secure with.

I do occasionally fantasize about rape during masterbation, but I never think of my specific circumstance/experience.
It's very private. I did not enjoy being raped and I would never want to go through something like that again. I think through masterbation, I can exert a level of control over the idea of rape, which I enjoy.

>>18069471
Thanks for the reply. Does your partner know about your past?

File: If I pull that off, will you die.jpg (18KB, 261x279px)

18KB, 261x279px

>>18067558
>This is something I usually think about. I get feelings of wanting to do stuff to women. I often think about, taking and raping them.

One, lay off the rape and snuff porn films.

Two, I at one time, as much as I hate to admit it, was into BDSM sort of shit. Only as porno though. It was slowly getting worse, and more realistic as I went through the videos. In the end, I knew where this was going and I sure as shit ain't taking that fucking path.

Anon, if there's one thing I remember my papa teaching me, it's not to be a fucking coward. Rape is cowards work, something that is frowned upon for good reason. It's something that is almost subhuman in nature.

Tell me anon, are you man, or are you a dog?

>>18067693
I think you're overreacting, women can have these darker fantasies too but it tends to be just pent up stress. In the hands of your loved one these kind of fetishes can be fun, but not so much a stranger. So look for someone whos kinks include being a submissive and you're set.

>>18069887
Id rape women as a dog if I could. Probably is not like my Chinese cartoons though.

>>18069867
Yes, he does. I told him before we had sex so he would take things slowly. I didn't know how I'd react so I wanted him to be conscious of the fact that I might react poorly.

I feel like he took my confession pretty well. I've never been met with skepticism from anyone I've told, but I've also told virtually no one because it's not something that I want to associate with my identity or want others to consider when they think of me. My main fear was that it would make him care for me less or respect me less, but it didn't.

>>18069273 this is motherfucking 4chan. absolutely everybody needs some degree of help whether they admit it or not.

>>18067610 you're asking for approval is what it is. I'll give you 2 possible outcomes/solutions: you get caught and sent to jail (for only 3 fucking days because America's justice system is absolutely fucked) or you seek help from a qualified professional who ISN'T going to lock you up because then they can't work with you, and you can be free of these intrusive thoughts. I say intrusive because as a species, our brains are wired to know the difference between right and wrong, and therefore those thoughts aren't supposed to be there.

>>18067558
In short, you have mental issues, you feel like you do not have power over your life, you feel like you don't have influence over women.
Your ego then likes to escape in to fantasies of rape and torture, because well, it can feel "powerful" then.

Its really basic really. Man the fuck up, stop being a pussy and face the loser side of you. Accept that you suck at this, and cant do that.
Face your life, and make a commitment to actually solving these issues. Because you can.

By the way, raping anyone wont actually cure this for you. You might get off, but upon doing it you will realize that even doing something like that, does not fill the hole inside you, thus you will be even more devasted( and even more devastated after empathy kicks in, which, allmost inevitably will(and if it wont, you will get something really fucked up trying to cover it)

So, in short, stop being a fucking loser, and actually embrace the problems that you have, instead of trying to force them on those weaker than you.