Adv/ GF of 5 years or so suffers from depression and anxiety,

>>18066478
She will never be content until she stops being depressed.
This is a case of "it's not you but me" your gf knows that but since she is sick she can't do much about it.
Being depressed is not a matter of flipping a switch. You either swallow your effort and pride because you consider your relationship worth the hassle of helping her in the bad times (even if you don't know when or if it will end at all)
Or you break up like a man.
You can't put ultimatums on the depressed because you will drive them to extreme consequences.
This is not something you can control (assuming she is clinically depressed and not just "depressed wah wah wah whine" )

Tell her to eat well, do excercise, get out, enjoy things or hobbies, sleep well, and to not take meds and use natural products instead, natural medicine.

This is coming from a person that had a depressed sister for 2 and a half years.
Don't blame it on her but decide and think about what you are willing to put without getring anything back.

>>18066496
Her depression is brought on by some pretty heavy situations.
It's not like she drops her toast on the floor and she starts crying.

To me it's brought on by some pretty selfish and petty things, traveling, spending lots of money, big decisions for us since we pretty much just started off in the 'real world', she has this mind set of instant satisfaction.
When we first moved out we dreamed out moving into a bigger place, I even asked her to marry me, but then she started going on and on about traveling the world and going on big elaborate holiday's every year, it's put a strain on me, which direction do I go. Save for a house and a ring, or go along for the adventures?
It's been rather stagnant ever since then. She wants it all, but not willing to sacrifice one for the other. And I can't talk to her about it because of her depression.

>>18066478
If she is depressed, then she is sick. Make her go to a doctor and get cured.
Either be patient, or move on with your life and dump her.

Her depression is not about you. Her depression is about her. She is sick, and you're asking her to stop being sick to have a happy relationship with you, and she cannot do it. It's like you're sitting next to your girlfriend who has cancer and telling her "well, you're very selfish having this leukaemia, you totally ruined my birthday with your negative vibes".
Help her get help. If you don't want to put up with her depression, leave - it is perfectly respectable to do so. But don't stay and blame her for being sick.

>>18066530
You are going in for a ride if you thought about buying a ring and then saying you lack communication. Listen, don't marry to someone you can't talk to, don't marry to someone that doesn't understand your sacrifices. I'm the same anon btw. You are talking about depression but then you talk about being worried about holidays
Where are your priorities? Are her values the same as yours? Have you talked about money or even how you will raise kids if you ever marry? If you ever fall sick

This is the same anon btw, I can see you love her but you resent her because of her depression, she sounds like she doesn't know what she want and you sound the same.
Is this really what you want? How do you see with her in the future. Think hard and honestly about this.


only you know her here and only you yourself know what you want but remember you can't force a mentally ill person out of their illness because it doesn't work that way.

Decide on what the paths and options you have and don't be afraid of options that will disrupt your way of life in the now


This is how divorce start even before marriage

>>18066539
And spend tons of money on a shrink?

It's debatable that depression is the same 'sick' as someone with cancer. But when the issue of money is the root of her depression, how will that make her feel when she sees 3 - 400 dollars a session being spent for her to talk to someone? She will sink further in.

depressed ppl try to hide or control their depression when they love someone
they too are afraid of losing someone

when they dont, they disregard you, let their depression control them and basicly become an unsuffarable cunt who will provoke you to leaving, and then they find someone who will motivate them to get better

>>18066539
bad comparison
the whole depresion is debateable, who has it who doesnt is it cureable is it not
its not like cancer which takes over you no matter what if you dont get help, depression is cured by you helping yourself
and some ppl dont want to be helped, they are very fine being the victim of their own mind and expect ppl to entertain them endlessly

women can do this, because they got a pussy men want above all else.

>>18066558
Depression is not a bad mood, it is not another way of saying "very sad" - it is a serious mental illness and it needs to be treated as such. The issue with money is doubtfully the root of her depression, probably more a symptom of it. Spending money to buy things you want is rewarding and fills the void.
If she is clinically depressed, then she absolutely needs to see a doctor about it, be treated, and spend the necessary money on it. Mental illnesses aren't less of a disease than physical illnesses, they are often as debilitating.
Coming from someone who has both a rare, genetic, chronic disease and experienced mental illness, I've been challenged more by the mental illness than by the physical disease. Sure, the genetic disease almost killed me a couple of times, but at least I had a tangible, sure way of curing it. The mental illness was just there, fucking with my head till I had the courage to admit it to myself and get cured. It was extremely challenging and extremely hard to deal with, much more than "I'm suffering physically, I need a doctor".

>>18066572
You have a *very* poor understanding of mental illness. Really poor.
"Can't you just stop being depressed?" is a fucking meme. You cannot. It takes control over you and fucks with your head.
Being depressed, clinically depressed, is not being sad for a couple of weeks after your cat died.

>>18066558
Spend it on a counseler instead of a shrink who can and will get her hooked on meds. That would be a big savings, usually only 1 hundred or less per time.

>>18066549
I know what I want.
And I have told her many times, given her choices.
But the choices she makes seem to be pipe dreams, or dreams she needs to really work towards. But she isn't willing to work hard for it, I think this is where her depression really hits hard.

One of the major issues is that she is lost in direction of her life. She works a mediocre job, and has to supplement with another job, (working two jobs) and the life she thought she was going to be living obviously isn't what it is now.

Not even 2 years ago we were both on the same page, hell ever since we started dating, every decision we made was for us, moving forward, but once we hit a spot in the road where we had to slow down for maybe a year two years max to save, for a house, become financially stable which we did. But all that time she just could not get into her head that we could not afford to travel, but now we can and she has gotten so far into this mindset that I will not go along with it that it's almost become evident it's my fault she is in this 'shitty life'.

I know she loves me, and tells me how much she appreciates me, and doesn't want to lose me. And I love her as well, I don't want to lose her over something like this.

>>18066592
Last thing I will say is.
What you do is up to you.

You can't cure depression out of nowhere. Life hits hard and nobody can teach you how to cope with it.
Depression is a real illness and nobody knows what to do with loved ones but support them in the ways we can.
You decide what you will do about your future, but I mean yours not hers. If she doesn't want the same things as you no one is to blame, and you shouldn't feel responsible for her that much. She is her own person anon, her happiness doesn't or better said shouldn't depend on you or money.


You want a solution but you don't say what is the thing you are thinking of doing.

Are you going to swallow everything and make the effort to wait for everything to get better?
Are you ever going to talk to her about all of this? Or even therapy?

You can love someone but that also means putting limits on the love you have for yourself. Don't be intimidated about doing something about it.


Only you know what you will do and why

>>18066496
>and to not take meds and use natural products instead, natural medicine.
Are you a doctor?

>>18066644
I'm not a doctor but when my sister started getting depressed she started taking medication

I read about the medication industry, I read about the horrible and not so worth side effects that somertimes last for the entirety of your life, I talked to alternative doctors and heard them out and I talked to the doctors that gave my sister the meds "are there any studies you could point out that prove these medications have any effect?" I asked him to be honest and he was

He told me there isn't any.

You see, when you hurt yourself physically you know what you have to do, cut yourself, ok, then you wash the cut and apply whatever you have to apply for this and that reason.
Now, when it comes to sickness of the brain, it isn't that simple, there are not enough studies of how and why the brain works how it works but there is a huge pharma industry behing meds for the "mentally ill"

My sister tried to kill herself when on meds and never before. She told me to please let her stop taking her meds, I refused at first, but the things she told me about how she felt made me skepticall of meds

Doctors don't know everything.

And my sister is now so much better I thank god I listened to her and helped her.
She is even going to start a carreer now and I'm proud of her progress

>>18066671
>He told me there isn't any.
This isn't true at all.
There are plenty of studies that prove that antidepressants are very effective in curing patients with severe depression.
Medication isn't the best way to go for mild or moderate depression, which is why the guideline for treating people with moderate and mild depression is cognitive therapy and not antidepressants, which should be reserved for people with severe depression, and always in conjunction with therapy.