Ex boyfriend's father just passed away, we broke up last week

>>18065507
did he ever physically or mentally abuse you? if not I don't see why you wouldn't at least give him some basic comfort.

>>18065507
>Am I making the right choice?

yes.

> Should I step so fully back into his life to comfort him when I have no intention of going back to the way things were between us?

no.

> Am I being heartless for trying to avoid him during this time in his life?

no.

anything else?

>>18065516

I don't think he has ever done it intentionally. Once he got so mad at me while drunk that he broke my computer (which I built myself), my 3DS, and broke several wine glasses against the wall. He has used intimidation like that in other circumstances. He has threatened suicide on several occasions when we were fighting. He has manipulative tendencies. I stayed so long because he seemed like the perfect man for me when we first met, but things just fell apart with his declining mental health, exacerbated by his alcoholism.

>>18065507
If you have no capability to stick to your decisions and boundaries (and if you're in a relationship with an angry drunk for 4 years that you don't want to be in, that's a good bet), I think your first priority should be taking care of yourself.

I think you should stay away from him.

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>>18065507
God I hate whores like you. Why is it that women can't seem to give 2 shits about other people

>>18065535

I think you're right. I have stayed with him too long as it is. Everyone tells me so. I'm just too easily swayed by his damaged demeanor. I wanted so much to just make him better, because he didn't always act like he does now. It's been such a confusing time in my life. He's admittedly my first boyfriend.

>>18065539
>>18065516

send flowers, then.

nice gesture with a certain respect for distance.

if this is unappreciated, then you have your answer.

>>18065539

I'm a guy. This is the first "long term" relationship I have ever had. I'm a late bloomer, because I live in a place where it's hard to meet other guys and I never had any confidence until shortly before I met him.

>>18065552
>faggot is incapable of helping another human being in need

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>>18065551
>person suffering ask to see you
>here are some flowers, get well soon
You people I swear.

>>18065539
>>18065563
>>18065567

It's easy to spot trolls in these threads because they come in acting judgmental without offering any notable solution.

>>18065567
>>18065563

or do what this idiot suggests. enable someone who is capable of displaying remorseless aggression against you, only stopping to care about your feelings in an indirect way only when their own father dies, but are still being selfish in demanding your attention over accepting the hurt that he caused you.

also, has an observable substance abuse problem.

yeah, totally subject yourself to that hell because 'these' mal-adjusted idiots thinks all that doesn't matter because this guy had a sudden death in his life to deal with.

OP is barely strong enough to put up boundaries to keep himself out of a relationship with a drunk who has anger problems, and you want him to risk exposure just to console some grief from said drunk?

>>18065579
>be a piece of shit
>someone calls you out for being a piece of shit
>stop trolling anon
pieces of shit I swear

>>18065588
>being afraid of someone who has never harmed you
Only faggots

>>18065588

It's not that I'm not strong enough to establish boundaries. That's a big leap in assumptions. He's just manipulative in a way that requests my help, and I agree to help because I believe he wants to change. I still believe he wants to change.

You don't know the full story. It was a mounting issue where things went from perfect to gradually miserable. I can stay away. It just took a little time for me to wise up to his true nature.

>>18065599

only time will tell if thats true, but from what you've presented here, you stayed in a relationship with someone who exhibited mounting signs of aggression problems and substance use problems.

this means you tolerated it for some measure of time before reaching this threshold, which does in fact say you have boundary issues already.

staying away is good for you until you build up this muscle some more.

otherwise you are ripe for further toxic people to take advantage of you.

...or you know, do what these retarded trolls say and jump back in head first because now, NOW you're capable of handling your own anguish and his grieving at the same time without losing perspective....

>>18065594
>>18065599
kindly fuck off

op dont go, he'll likely take the opportunity to trick you again

>>18065507
listen to your intuition and your parents on this one. all three care about you. having a newly deceased father does not mean one just gets their ex back.

>>18065594
>faggots
>c u r r e n t y e a r
>taking advice from a manchild

>>18065552
>I'm a guy
Hhahahahhhhahaha

>>18065609

I know you're right. I have a weakness for people in need, and he took advantage of that. It's just so hard for me to see him like that, even now. I guess he really did a number on me. Someone acts so nice and gets you to trust in him, then he starts drinking a little, and you ask if he should be drinking so much, and he assures you he'll be fine, and it he just does it more and more, and soon he's drunk every night, and becoming more violent. To be honest, I haven't been fully committed to him since that night when he broke my things. I broke up with him, he'd promise to change, I'd get just close enough for us to spend time together and act like we were dating, but my mind could never commit to him after that because he never showed me he was serious. He'd get better for a month and then it would get worse again. That's how it's been. I really feel like I need to take time away from dating for a long while.

One last question. Any idea how long it will take for this "what if" phase to lift? Right now I feel like I will always think of him and where he is and if he's doing better for himself. I wanted so much for things to get better. It would have been easier for me than leaving.

Don't go. And don't listen to the fuckers who are mad at you for not dropping everything to be their emotional totem pole.

They're the kinds of people that have no inner strength, and want someone to be that for them.

>>18065531
sounds like a real piece of work, I think you're doing the right thing by staying away.

>>18065615
>being a faggot
>current year
At least knowing people are this low makes me feel better about myself.

>>18065684
what a sad person you are

>>18065715
I sometimes think that, then I remember there are faggots around and feel so much better.