Feeling like a total shit

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So I have been with a man for more than two years. I love him and he is scared of me loving him and doesn't want to openly say he loves me although I know he cares for me deeply. We have a kind and loving relationship.

I have had it stuck in my head that I love him and he doesn't love me back.

So, I got together with a friend. We had dinner and followed up with several bottles of wine. We had a great night and having been friends for a while, he knew I was involved and respected my boundaries. We cuddle in bed together and my partner knows this.

I always turned down any advances from him, but that night, something came over me and I asked him if he had a condom. It wasn't long before he was on top of me and inside me. After about five seconds, I started crying and pushed him off me as I said, "I can't do this."

We were both seriously drunk at this point and just went to sleep.

I feel so gross and I know I won't live with myself without telling my partner. I have always been completely honest with him.

I'm scared and feel like I really screwed up and I don't know why I even went there. I'm not even attracted to this friend of mine. It was a fluke and I feel so gross. I never want to hurt my lover.

I thought perhaps someone out there could relate and give me a bit of advice.