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Anonymous
Does my poem make sense? 2017-02-18 11:30:25 Post No. 18061776
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Does my poem make sense? 2017-02-18 11:30:25 Post No. 18061776
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I wrote a poem about depression. Down here is the explanation/introduction of it:
There is a wolf in each and every one of us. This wolf is hungry and wants to eat our hearts. But our heartbeat the stronger it is the further pushes the wolf away. Our heart beats the melody of our lives. The wolf will leave if we turn the melody of life up to the highest volume.
And here is the poem:
The wolf enters the cave,
a scream forms a wave
from a child in despair
left alone...beyond repair.
This doesn't have to be an end
I can be your friend
I will do whatever it takes
as long as no bone of mine brakes
My only desire is heart of yours
Sooner or later the death will
take its course
Left with no choice
boy shows his true voice
He screams and shouts
through the fire
and crushes wolfs desire
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I suggest you use more elegant words.
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It is hard since english isn't my first language. And it is even harder to express myself on my native language (Croatian) since it is so limited, simple
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English is not my first language either, try to read a lot of stuff in english, so every once in a while you learn new words, but make sure you use them as well or you will easily forget them
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From a scale from 1-10 how good is my poem?
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>>18061842
Don't show it to a girl you like. It's your poem, so it doesn't matter how good it is. If you like it that's all that should matter. That being said, it's not going to stir any feelings in a girl.
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I would give it a 3 since I mostly think depression is a fucking joke.
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>>18061776
Doesnt make sense, doesnt sound good
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>>18061842
its terrible and it makes you sound like a developmentally challenged teenager
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These people here are saying nonsense.
Your poem is good.
It doesn't have to be ambiguous.
You should write more and keep yourself a personal collection, a blog or perhaps one day an album. More grease to your elbow.
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I wrote it out of boredom in +- 20 minutes. Haven't been doing this for years. I posted it so maybe someone will find it helpful... I know it is trashy poem tho. I can do better
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When you're bored you create to help. -Legendary.
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>>18061860
Why's that?
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It's hard to write poetry in a language that isn't your native tongue. It can be easy to write something that sounds corny or cheesy, and it's hard for us to explain to you what's wrong with it.
Try reading more English poetry and get a feel for. You might like Robert Frost.
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>>18061776
Hey, it has some thought behind it, so i think yes, it makes perfect sense.
Altho you may want to work on your form, so that your work could be attractive to other people. Also, remember that form itself can be value of it's own and strengthen the message.
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>>18061977
that feel when I write poetry in English and it isn't my native tongue either, but I've studied it at uni for 5 years and I know English poetry to a degree
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