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Can a person truly change?

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Thread replies: 17
Thread images: 1

Over & over again I've failed at maintaining relationships.

My personality isn't great: mean, unpleasant, moody, and worst of all everything I say is hateful.

Many times I've tried to stop and this most recent time really thought I had changed but then this guy managed to bring it out again and surprisingly he said he liked it.

Everything I worked so hard to build, a new life where I was happy, where my family was getting along, even started to make friends was gone.

I reverted back.

I couldn't keep up balancing the new persona with the old.

Turns out he only liked the shit one due to childhood abuse and he didn't actually like /me.

He never showed me genuine love.

Now I'm alone again.
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>>18056279
Girl? I can't give very good advice if you aren't, since I'm not a man.
>>
>>18056279
You're born alone and you will die alone. That is life. Your goal should be to enjoy the ride while you're here and for that to work you need to be happy with yourself.

Life does suck more often than it's good. Everything in the universe is against us and would kill us if given the chance. You need to enjoy the fact that you're even alive. You'll look back on this moment in 20 years and either...

> A: Remember the struggle it was to get out of this rut and be proud of your strength and progress

or...

>B: Look back on this moment of failure, still stuck in the same mindset wishing you would have took the first step to better yourself.

There will always be better men out there, statistically even when you marry a man there will still be a better match somewhere in the world. Enjoy what you have and try not to dwell on what you don't because eventually you'll have nothing anyway.
>>
Sure, but you have to acknowledge your failings. Moreover it's going to be a slow thing that requires major effort. The easiest starting point from my pov would be to address why the fuck you're so hateful to begin with.
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>>18056279
A person can only change if they TRULY want to.

There is no excuse that you should be acting that way.

Stop playing the victim!
>>
I don't think people are naturally moody and hateful; you have to embrace negative feelings from time to time, but not to the point of listing it as your first personality traits. I'd say you should think about the reasons you're that way and try to deal with the source of your flaws first.
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>>18056279
In terms of factor models of personality, the big-5 model has a 'neuroticism' dimension that describes these tendencies fairly decently. Usually it diminishes somewhat as people get older. So yeah, you might see some small improvements over time, slowly. If you put in more effort to be nice to people and consider their feelings, or at least avoid saying unkind things, you are more likely to see improvements.

You will likely never be naturally cheerful. You probably have short-form 5-HTTLPR and maybe COMT Met/A and/or MAOA short-form. I have all 3. I have a habit of pissing people off and destroying relationships inadvertently. Though I've also done pretty well in academics and career-related things so far, I'm hitting roadblocks to more senior responsibilities due to the people issue. But studies suggest that things will likely temper out a bit over time.
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>>18056413
>You're born alone and you will die alone
You're born with your mom you dumb fuck, holy shit
>>
Most people in this thread are giving pretty shitty advice desu. You are capable of doing/being what you wish to be. The only problem is that you're going at it from the wrong direction. Accepting who you are is a key part of accepting that "you" aren't a concrete thing. The thing that is "you" is totally up to how you wish to be perceived. If you want to be less "mean" as a person than first accept you're "meanness" and then you will be able to get out of you're own way and develop as a human being. To quote Yoda from "Empire strikes back": Do or do not, but do not try.
Hope you can find solace in whatever you wish to be. Peace
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>>18056279
nah

just get tamed and smarter with suffering
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>>18057482
>Do or do not, but do not try.
bullshit advice

trying is the way to go OP. you will eventually find your way
>>
At you could get a partner and you are a woman, wtf you whining about.

I guess I'm just angry at people with normal lives, but go kys.
>>
Anyone can change, but few ever will

Usually something has to shake you up pretty bad to make you change

But that you want to is a good thing; accepting it makes it that much easier.

Unfortunately, there isn't really much advice I can give besides to spend a long time in introspection. The road to change is one that each person needs to find for themself.
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>>18056279
Maybe if you stop being shitty to people they won't act negativly towards you. Have you thought on this?
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>>18056279
Seems like you changed, then this guy you liked influenced you to change back

so you changed, then changed back, that 2 more changes then you thought you made, and one more than you realistically needed

Seems to me like your really good at changing
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>>18056279
Seems like you changed, then this guy you liked influenced you to change back

so you changed, then changed back, that 2 more changes then you thought you made, and one more than you realistically needed

Seems to me like your really good at changing
>>
Here comes the TRULY lonely girl. What a fucking joke, truly lonely people don't spill some whiny anime shit like you.

What you do is attention seeking, therefore gtfo and people with real problems ask for necessary advices.
Thread posts: 17
Thread images: 1


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