Dating a friend

I’ve decided I’m going to give it a shot then. Despite how much I enjoy our current status; I think it would be a terrible shame not have tried it seems like it could be a great relationship. Should she reject me, at least I will have the clarity and possibility to move on then. Despite what is often said, I don’t see anything inherently wrong with dating a friend, I think we are both adult enough not to sour our relationship permanently, should this not work out.

However my only experience is a mistake of “”relationship”” I had last year, which was basically none thanks to me, as this girl was grinding my dick so hard even an autist like me would pick up. Basically this girl came onto me so strong I did next to nothing, so I have absolutely no idea how I would even initiate this. A full blown confession seems much too exaggerated to me, and the only way I pictured this was pointing out the obvious in that we get along fantastically and maybe should give it a shot with something more.


tl;dr This girl is my oneitis, we have been friends for a long time, share many of the same interests, get along great and can talk for hours. We’re going to the theatre next week and I have decided to make my move. However my relationship experience is very limited and I don’t have the faintest idea what to say.

Post 2/2

For what it's worth, I don't think it's a good idea. Hate to be a hater, but oneitis wires your brain differently that a normal loving relationship.

But since you're obviously not going to pay attention to that, here's some advice from an oldfag: At this point, it seems like almost a sure thing that she's at least somewhat into you. So don't psych yourself out/be insecure, because she probably feels at least somewhat similarly to the way you feel.

Good luck, if this works out for you you'll be one of the lucky few to legitimately conquer your oneitis.

>>18056203
Sure, I agree that it must at least be some degree of oneitis. I myself am also somewhat worried what would happen if she does say yes. I want to be a good partner, but all this time of crushing on her seems like it might end up messing with having a normal relationship.

On the other hand, I don't want to try to shut her out of my life in hopes of overcoming the oneitis, as we are genuinely good friends. I really just enjoy the time we spend together just talking about menial things like literature, food or travels.

While I haven't listed them above, there are a decent number of things that make me think it might be mutual.

However, rejection might even be the easiest result for me, at least that gives closure, jumping into a relationship after this much time does seem scary. I wonder if there even is a right answer at this point.

Not sure what life expectancy is like for these threads, but I stayed up far too long writing this OP post, so I'll go to sleep now. Hope the the thread is alive when I wake up.

>>18056224
Hey it's >>18056203 again.

I think you should go through with it, if only because the good outcome - however unlikely - is too good to pass up (having a LTR with the girl of your dreams).

Still, I think you should be mindful of the fact that a lot of men (read: practically all of them) aren't really capable of maintaining a friendship with their oneitis if she rejects them. Likely, you won't feel closure if she rejects you - you'll just feel spiteful and cheated.

Still, I think she will be willing to go at least give it a shot based on what you've posted here. Still, being in a relationship with your oneitis will probably bring up a lot of your old insecurities. That insecurity will make it difficult to make the relationship last over the long haul.

>>18056518
Thanks for your response anon. I guess a rejection would be quite painful, haven't had to deal with that before. But like anything else, I guess I'd get over it.

The only reason I am trying this at all is because I think there is a non-zero chance of this working. I had previously come to terms with the fact that we would likely just be friends. It's only recently that I had the feeling it might be mutual.

Might as well talk a bit about that. Maybe the bump will get someone else's opinion too.

The last few times we have met up she has often mentioned how I'm the person from school she ends up seeing the most from all our school friends and that she's "really happy that I asked her out for (insert random activity here)".

The time we went to the jazz club; She had a really important paper (thesis draft) to hand in the next day and ended up pulling an all-nighter to finish rather than cancelling our meetup. She ended up staying for quite some time after the show even though I told her she needn't feel bad about leaving early if she has work THAT important to do. Dunno about you guys, but there aren't many people I would do that for.

At her birthday party I was chatting to her sister and she was like "oh, so you're anon". We had never met before, so I was somewhat surprised that she had heard of me. It's not like we went out every week. It was mostly around once per month or two.

She would also occasionally reminisce of times we spent together back in school, despite my attempts to largely ignore those times because I was chasing after her quite desperately back then. Coming from her those sounded like fond memories.