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Is it ok to snoop on someones cellphone?

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Thread replies: 132
Thread images: 5

So here's some backstory.

My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years now and lately our relationship has taken a stale patch. For the past month or so we have only had sex once and don't really act romantic with each other anymore.

About a month ago also my gf started texting her friend at work more and more, which is a guy. He buys her coffee in the morning so that's why they originally exchanged numbers. I noticed they started texting each other throughout the day though.

About 5 days my curiosity got the best of me. While she was asleep I took her phone and looked through it. I was horrified what I saw. I'll give you some quick rundown of stuff they said.

Her:
>I hate buying new clothes they don't look good on me!
Him:
>Well when you buy some clothes you got to give me a lap dance!
Her:
>Only with lights off!
Him:
>Oh but I want to see you!
Her:
>Fine, but I get one too lol!


That's one, another one went like this
Him:
>no Valentines smooches for you!
Her:
>not fair, your sick!

And another one.

Her:
>I never get touched anymore.
Him:
>if you were my gf I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off you
Her:
>That would be nice for once

I'm obviously worried and pretty hurt. I'm leaning towards breaking up with her. Should I mention I went through her phone? Or just leave it out. Is this harmless flirting or should I be worried?
>>
>>18052234
>Is it ok
no. You having found something is not validation that violating someone's privacy was acceptable. Would you like it if someone casually invaded your privacy?

That doesn't mean what she's doing is OK either.
>>
>>18052255
I would never text stuff like that with another girl though. She is completely disrespecting our relationship. I also work nights so she has plenty of time to cheat on me. I don't think I can trust her.
>>
>>18052234
it's flirting but escalating slowly and if he pushes a bit more she'll cheat since she's already opened the door. Use what you know and plan a romantic date or weekend but do not disclose what you know ever. You need to be able to go back and check.

Keep in mind that new friend or workmate is always your possible replacement or at least the guy your gf will get her side dick from especially if things have gotten stale. That said sometimes it is exacerbated because they meet a new guy and causes things in your relationship to deteriorate quickly.
>>
>>18052261
>That said sometimes it is exacerbated because they meet a new guy and causes things in your relationship to deteriorate quickly.
Why are people so frivolous nowadays
>>
>>18052265
Cheating and workplace flirting has always gone on but now everyone can easily stay in touch 24/7 by text and it's easy to conceal.
>>
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>>18052255
Yes it is validation. This isnt court. If they were exclusive tge she violated the trust first and was taking advantage if his trust. How dare you defend that whore?
>>
Either break up with her or touch her more since that seems like what she wants. Never break privacy rules or let her know you did. Just because you're boyfriend and girlfriend doesn't mean shit can't get legal and ugly. For God's sake it sounds like you don't even trust her anymore so why be with her? For revenge? For the last laugh? To know the truth? All petty reasons. You're wasting your time with this one, you don't want a woman who looks to other men to fill her emotional needs. Ditch her and don't look back.
>>
>>18052261
That's kind of what I thought. I really want to tell her what I know but I guess I wont. If I do break up with her should I even say I know you've been texting that guy a lot and that didnt help this relationship. I just want her to know I know what a backstabbing bitch she's been.
>>
>>18052280
I hate to admit it but I think you're right. I'll just end it quickly.
>>
>>18052301
Never tell what you totally know or how you know it. She is doing this behind your back and you owe her nothing.

I went through a divorce knowing exactly with whom and when and it was all on tape but to this day she hasn't a clue how I knew or how much I knew. It was so fucking hard not to tell as she lied and lied but I would just knowingly smile and that would send her into a rage. Lots of satisfaction
>>
>>18052258
I'm saying you have a reason to break up(obviously), or work on your situation if you value the relationship, but it still wasn't ok to go through her phone because going through someone's phone is a shitty thing to do.
>>
Break up with her. She's probably going to break up with you anyway so save yourself the trouble and pull the trigger
>>
>>18052320
Going through someones phone just to monitor them is very different from having that gut feeling something is amiss, their behavior becomes suspect and you check out of self preservation. I think OP is being smart and his gut told him she was making him a fool.

Guess anon would think it an invasion of privacy if OP heard her fucking another guy behind a closed door and he opened it to see.
>>
>>18052320
>>18052255

What these anons said. You shouldn't have gone through her phone, but you already did what you did, and there's no taking it back.

BUT, she's clearly crossed a line here with the kind of talking they're doing, and it's very apparent he's interested. You need to either have a firm conversation with her about this, or break up with her. If I were you, I'd just end it, but I guess this is dependent on how much you really care about her.

Sounds like things are stale on both sides.
>>
>>18052349
>it's very apparent he's interested
it's apparent she's interested
>>
>>18052368
I'm a firm believer that there's a major difference between flirting and outright "I'm going to fuck them," but this guy is single and would jump in the sack without a second thought.

Not saying she's right at all, just that maybe something can be salvaged and talked through if OP wants to try that.
>>
>>18052234
Sheit, nigga, you dun knocked yourself a pro and put the booty in the fridge. You'd best invest and drop some coin on that bitch, lay her down and smakum yakum or she be kicking your homey ass to the curb and climbin up for some fresh booty. Sheeit.
https://youtu.be/RrZlWw8Di10
>>
Here's something to consider:

Regardless of what you and her did, you obviously don't trust her.

You can't be in a relationship without trust. It sounds like you want out.

Don't tell her about it, and make a clean break.
>>
>>18052278
I'm not defending her or her actions. I'm saying the fact that he found something doesn't justify OPs actions. She is still wrong. OP is just also wrong, which is what he was asking about.
>>
If you and this girl plan on being together for a long time then if you have concerns there shouldnt be any ... let me say that again. ANY reason to hide the content of your phone.
Not allowing your partner who has suspicion to look at what youre doing behind their back only fuels distrust suspicion and resentment.

Autistic kiddies need to learn the difference between privacy and secrecy. Not putting your partners mind at ease is secrecy. Taking a shit with the door closed is privacy.

This is why cheating and infidelity is so prominent. Kids want to have a relationship with out actually giving up luxuries of single life.
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>>18052454
Um, no. I think my clients and I have a right, and sometimes a contractual obligation, to keep the contents of my cell phone private.
>>
>>18052465
Why would you need to go through your clients phone.

This isnt a work related question/answer.
>>
>>18052477
No dumb ass I get work email on my phone like god damned everyone else.

On top of that, wha about the privacy of my other friends? does that privacy mean nothing? people tell me things in confidence and that goes out the window because my girlfriend is suspicious? get real.

She can trust me, or not trust me. But violations of privacy aren't going to make that easier.
>>
>>18052486

I had this same fight in a similar thread yesterday. It's like people don't get that your friends' privacy has absolutely no weight because you're fucking someone.

That's why I refuse to share my phone with anyone I'm seeing, and refuse to ask to see theirs. Not only that, but the witchhunt kind of shit that happens just turns into a fight when someone reads what you've written out of context.
>>
>>18052486
And whats stopping you from being a clever cunt and acting up behind your partners back Through these emails. Also not being able to trust your partner with sensitive info clearly means youre not someone who shares yourr own core belief.

Never said snooping was a good idea. But if youre acting suspect and she asks to check your phone and you refuse she more likely to play up out of resentment and trust.

This whole "trust" works in more ways than one. You clearly dont have trust in your partber to know about you what goes on in your daily life Or between your friends.
Youre the typical guy that a girl turns to other guys because of this double standard lifestyle.
>>
If you're 100% sure they're cheating, and lying to you behind your back, get your closure by snooping and break up.
>>
>>18052496

I wouldn't have any friends if they knew that everything they said in confidence also went to my girlfriend or wife. They're not in a relationship, it is not fair to them to be telling someone they don't know.

There's a lot of fucking ways to communicate that aren't through your cellphone, that aren't through your work phone, that aren't through your email accounts.

And plus, people are inherently irrational, get into fights, and do stupid shit. So if this guy has an important client and his girlfriend knows all of his details and gets cranky and mad at him because they had a stupid fight, she now has ammunition to ruin his career or friendships or otherwise.

It's a stupid fairytale to believe that 100% perfect trust and candor can ever exist.
>>
"Listen, we gotta talk.."
"sure, whats up?"
"alright, look, long story short, I know your flirting with a guy from work, and I wanna know what I can do to fix this before it blows up in my face(?)"

"Should we go some place together? Should I do something I used to do more often? What can I do to make you stop behaving this way?"

If you care about her, and she cares about you, you should get an answer.
>>
>>18052521
"Oh, teehee, he's just a friend, don't worry about it"
>proceeds to dismiss subject at every chance.
>>
It's over OP, that's women for you
>>
>>18052528
So all he has to do is remain serious about the subject. And tell her this isn't a laughing matter, and he wants it resolved today.
>>
>>18052537
But.. There's nothing to resolve.
>>
>>18052521
Don't do this cuck shit
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>>18052496
haha, I won't share proprietary or security info with my partner by casually unlocking my phone I must not trust them what a loser I am.
>>
>>18052543
Sure there is. She's getting friendly with a guy. Or a guy got friendly with her, and she's being stupid about it, knowingly she has someone at home.

If OP doesn't make her aware in time, it can get worse. It shouldn't have to come to this, but it did. Or, can take everyone elses shit advice and pretend he's somehow better than he because he doesn't do that with other girls, he isn't. None of us are. She's just a weak person and needs OP to straighten her the fuck out. And he can, he should.
>>
>>18052554
You don't get it.
>>
>>18052554
However if he can't straighten that shit out, might as well let her be free, cuz she ain't ready if she don't budge. Monotonous bullshit probably drove her there.

OP, it's simple, if you love her, fight for her. If you don't, drop her.

>>18052557
Sure I do. It shouldn't come to this shit to begin with. And he can be alpha and say BITCH I DON'T FUCKING NEED THIS SHIT IN MY LIFE!!! And scream in her face like some kind of bitch. Or he can give er the ol ultimatum. It's either him or me. Whatever works.
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>>18052234
Break up. Trust me, when girls start pulling this shit it is only a matter of time before they either cheat or break up with you. And this is coming from a woman who gets to hear about all this kind of bullshit from her friends.
>>
>>18052234
Watch her phone habits ... They change, next step is to start partying and lock on phone. This happens, save yourself some pain and kick her ass to the curb. Speaking from experience
>>
>>18052569
Yeah, but she's not a hand of cards waiting to fold. You'll never be able to put her on the spot and get her to actually admit to any actions that might have taken place, even if there's piss on the carpet, and you have her snout shoved in it. And, trying to get to that point is useless.

No ultimatum, no calling out, you know her mistake, and she knows it too. Just break up and live your life.
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>>18052588
This is the real reason why relationships are failing today.

Take a second and think about how indolent that statement is. "Oh boo hoo, I'm better than her so I'll hate her for it". Like we're all somehow exempt from mistakes or poor decisions. No one is perfect damn it, you gotta be stronger than that if you wanna be a good husband, a good father, etc.

Life isn't "oh, I guess I'll give up since she's weak". Life is, "I'm gonna give it a try, and I'm gonna try as hard as I can, and if it STILL doesn't work after I tried everything, at least I know I tried."

How is he not weaker than her, if a guy hitting on her is enough to destroy his attraction? That isn't real love, and if never was, it's probably better they not be together, but not because she's weak, but because it's so easy to let go.
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>>18052607

Eh, it sounds like OP's attraction is already fading, for one, since he mentioned the rut and the lack of sex. Plus, this is the girl causing a lot of this in her replies, not some guy she could take or leave pining over her.

There's no societal merit to two people staying in a shitty relationship "just because."
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>>18052536
OP here. That's what I'm thinking too. I have lost all attraction to her. It's fucking frustrating because in those three years I've been keeping her entertained and just because things go stale in a couple of months (most likely because i started a new job working nights) she feels like she has to get her entertainment somewhere else. Fucking women man, it's true what George Costanza said, "you got to always be on, putting on a big show!".
>>
>>18052607
What isn't "real" love is clearly and inappropriately flirting with another guy. Sure sometimes someone might go out do a little harmless flirting for ten minutes, but she has been consistently flirting with a coworker, leaving her doesn't make him weak - it shows he values his relationships and respects himself to step away from someone who does not hold the same kind of respect towards them
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>>18052619
If it was worth a thread, it was worth a try.
>>
>>18052607
>it's okay for your woman to lie and cheat on you, as long as you continue to fight for her, and show her all the love in the world, and then if she keeps doing it, you should throw in the towel in defeat.

When is enough is enough?
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>>18052621
better find out now than if you put a ring on and had kids and shit. You know she's not partnership material and instead of having your back she goes behind it
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>>18052622
It may still work if he pull out the rug from under her. But his most recent post suggests he's lost love all together, and that is bad news..

>>18052628
i never once said it was okay.

not even a little bit. I hate that behavior, but I understand how somehow could make that mistake. I don't approve of it, but I don't see myself as better than her. I've talked to plenty of girls online and made that mistake before, other times I've felt bad about it, more recently I've just asked if they had a bf and stop talking to em once they say they do. But that doesn't stop women from being that way always.. her life may be so naturally empty, so devoid of excitement, that it, as weak as it is, became a thing. I detest it, but I'm not exempt from mistakes or poor decision, how then could I be a hypocrite and pretend I'm above her? Me, personally, I'm not. Although I've changed, I have done poorly.

So I would judge her according to my mistakes. With just judgement.

I'm not saying you should change your mind personally though.
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>>18052644
Where am I saying that I'm above her, and better than her? All I'm saying is GTFO, let her do her, and you do you. If that's how she is, she can continue to be that way, it's not what I'm about, or what I want.
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>>18052656
Do as you please. My point of view is just perspective.
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>>18052665
We all make mistakes.

Usually honest, simple, genuine mistakes.

Not "teehee my boyfriend doesn't fuck me right, maybe you could do it better? Better delete all these texts before he can find out, teehee." until she gets caught.
>>
>>18052607
This post, right there. Perfectly sums up the answer to this thread.

I would befriend you, cheers mate.
>>
>>18052668
She already got caught though. And from the looks of it, in time. Though I wouldn't know..

I say, pull the rug from under her feet, put her on the spot, make her understand it's wrong, and try to work it out. If it doesn't work, it never would have.
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>>18052672
Cheers.
>>
>be good boyfriend
>get new job
>start new job with another new person
>recently married black girl
>we become the 'office' couple, but nothing happens
>we just take lunches together, and hang out
>we've hung out outside of work a time or two, but again, nothing has happened
>we grow close, exchange christmas gifts in the office stuff like that
>eventually she gets pregnant
>she leaves her job before she has the kid, and is planning on being a stay at home mom
>I quit the job a bit later myself, it was a pretty shit job to be honest, but it paid okay
>GF and I break up later
>I drunkenly start talking to the married co-worker I used to know
>immediately invites me over the next evening
>her husband works evenings
>we immediately start having sex
>we make it a regular thing, i'm there almost every evening beating that shit up
>husband still thinks he's in his perfect christian marriage, picket fence, and all that.
>>
>>18052607
False dichotomy. Your argument is predicated on both parties sharing a similar goal, and one of those parties wanting to go outside of the relationship is clearly a mismatch in expectations. The time to "work" on the relationship is before someone is thinking about cheating, not after. Otherwise you're just setting yourself up for a situation where you're constantly trying to figure out if your partner is cheating on you, because they're not willing to discuss their issue
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>>18052234
To OP: I'd tell her you went through her phone, found her texts, and you want to end things. Even if she hasn't fucked him yet, you're going to remember this incident every time you guys have a rough spot. If the trust is gone, there's no reason to have a relationship
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>>18052718
Moral of the story, these hoes ain't loyal and had I been single when we met, we would've been fucking for even longer, and that kid would've probably been mine.
>>
>>18052234

My gf is really flirtatious with but for some reason she stuck to me so like I'm used to seeing this. Your GF is pretty clearly either cheating or close to it. The first one I would have let go but that last is a big red flag.
>>
>>18052234
>Him:
>>no Valentines smooches for you!
>Her:
>>not fair, your sick!
Also, this interaction would lead me to believe that they're already kissing each other at least semi-regularly. I'd just dump her, if she's already making out with some dude, there's no point trying to make her feel bad or anything. She's just gonna go hop on homeboys dick and forget all about you
>>
>>18052387
Also this
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>>18052721
Or, or, maybe this will be a first and last time thing she's never experienced before. And in a timely manner, it can be countered. None of us know until OP tries.
>>
>>18052735
Nah, you're just behaving cowardly and you know it.
>>
>>18052752
Nah man, I loved my GF at that time. She was my world. But, as soon as I was single, and talked to her with purpose, she slobbed the knob
>>
>>18052756
Dude you're fucking somebodies wife, wake up from your dream. She has a husband, a child, a life of her own completely removed from you. That's punk shit, don't do it.
>>
>>18052760
Nah, man. Just relax, her husband just needs to sit her down, and talk to her about it and she'll straighten right out.
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>>18052765
And until he does that. I'm just gonna sit her right down, on my white meat and let her kids call me daddy#2
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>>18052765
No, you need to be man enough to tell him yourself, or man enough to stop and realize your error. This guy probably doesn't even suspect it. In the case of OP, he suspects, and it may not be too late.
>>
>>18052773
You sound like her husband, maybe it's your wife?

My error, lmfao.
>>
>>18052777
What I say, I say for your sake. But you don't know it yet.
>>
>>18052781
Maybe he has a secret cuck fetish, and she really tells him all about her wild nights with me when they're alone?
>>
>>18052718
I am in a similar situation but I'm at the part before either of us invites the other one over I want to do what >>18052760 said but I find it hard to fight the desire. Everything just comes so naturally between us and it doesn't help when she keeps telling me how unhappy she is at home.

My next move is to talk to her about these feelings and hopefully she wants to fight it or she really wasn't into me the entire time. I feel I'll give in too easily though if she returns my feelings
>>
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>>18052234
>when your gf texts some other guy over coffee and wants his hands on her which violates the NAP so you sell her into sex slavery
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>>18052793
Don't do it. Dude, there are tons of women out there, and you chose a desperate housewife. Just block her.
>>
>>18052607
Relationships do fail a lot nowadays because people give up too easily. However, something like this is barely something you can work out. Its not "just some guy hitting on her" It's her responding very positively to a dude hitting on her numerous times (who knows what kind of texts she's deleted by now?). Working things out would be op's gf not fucking around on him and texting (probably more than just texting) some sideguy because they have a dead bedroom, but instead trying to sit down and talk about it face to face like real adults in a relationship would.

She's obviously at the very least making out with some other dude (and probably other inappropriate shit thats not limited to intercourse). Just because she's still technically in a relationship doesn't mean she hasn't given up on it. Obviously she has if she's resorted to adultery. Maybe if less people found this behavior tolerable in the first place (note i didnt say acceptable so dont use the "i didnt say wat shes doing was right!!!" argument) it'd actually be possible to work this out.

This is real love, because otherwise op wouldn't be as shocked and worried as he is now. She practically chose another man before their relationship was over (aka giving up). How would op be the weaker one for ending it?
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>>18052807
Up to him to decide if either my approach, or yours is the correct course of action.

Afterward, it is also up to him to determine if either path was worth it.
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Walk away.

When you learn information like that you act on it. But you dont give away your sources.

If you tell her you found from violating her privacy, the issue will be about that instead of her ill behavior. It will give her a cop out.

She has showed her character. At this point you have to decide if you can deal with not being able to trust her.

Because you wont be able to trust her after this, even if the current situation came to light and she apologized. You will always feel the need to go behind her and keep tabs on her. That isnt a way to live in a relationship, neither of you deserve it.
>>
>>18052807
>>18052833
OP here

I'm leaning towards breaking up. I can't look at her without feeling horrible gut wrenching thoughts of her even just being flirtatious. Whoever said if OP was stronger he would fight for her blah blah blah is right. Right in the sense tha Im not a very strong or alpha person. I'm most likely low test. I have very low self esteem and don't see anyway to get out of this rut for myself if I don't do this solo.

Still though, I'm fucking pissed how fast she resorted to flirting with some guy she works with just because we had troubles. I hear stories of how fast a girl can fall out of love with you if you are not yourself or feeling down. Seems like they were true and it only takes a couple of months.
>>
>>18052521
This is the worst advice
>>
>>18052869
Work on yourself, then work on some new pussy.
>>
>>18052869
Dude, I'm the guy who wrote that be stronger bla blah stuff.

Listen man, women aren't easy mode. I used to have a gf who had a ton of guy friends, and I had to deal with some close to the edge shit that drove me insane. I lost years of my life afterward pondering what could have been needlessly, she moved on. Fine. But I tried everything, did I fuck up? Yes. I didn't fuck anyone else behing her back or no shit like that, but I tried a lot of things to try and understand her. Eventually it flopped for reasons, but had she been up for it, we'd be married with kids by now. Gods knows why my life what it is today.

Just saying bro, a lot of shit is gonna eat you up when trying to understand someone. I'm not some alpha af guy, if I was, I'd he the guy that pumped and dumped her along the way. I didn't want that.
>>
>>18052234

why are you not fucking your gf?
>>
>>18052872
right. "Let's ignore the shitty thing I did to find out that is not the issue here the important thing is i know what happened and want to fix it because you should still trust me even though I didn't trust you at all."
>>
>>18052869
I'm currently with a girl who I broke up with years ago for cheating on me, more than once, during our relationship.

I am currently going down the path of forgiveness. I'll tell you it's not working so well. You can bring it up and talk to her about it but she will just tell you that she is sorry and she loves you and you mean the world to her. Problem is that's the same thing they say before and while they're cheating. Don't let her wrap your brain up. You can go through this struggle of trying to trust her again but it's hell and I have to reconsider my choice every day. Do whatever you would like OP, it's your life and choice. However just know that the trust will not come back easily, if at all, if you attempt to forgive her.
>>
>>18053028
This works both ways, too. My gf snooped on my computer and I found out, and I told her to stop, and I find evidence semi regularly that she is still doing it. Like, I want to trust her, but it is hard to do so when there is such clear evidence that my trust is being broken.
>>
>>18053035
Want some advice?

There's a big difference between privacy and secrecy. But certain people can't draw the line.

>my private underwear

Till someone else puts them on.

>my secret underwear

Nobody will ever know..hehehe.

If you realize the difference, not much will phase you. If she wants to see your material shit, let her see it. In her mind, it creates a more trusting bond between the two of you perhaps.
>>
>>18053069
A conversation is not a material thing, even if record of it is kept on a material thing. My girlfriend doesn't get automatic vision into every aspect of my life, and the aspects of the lives of all of my friends that they've decided to share with me, through virtue of fucking.
>>
>>18053100
pff, good luck being married some day.
>>
>>18053100
Sounds like youve got issues bro.
>>
>>18052521
This.
Why are you playing mind games like a retard? Talk to her straight up. Goddamn.
>>18053100
>bros before hoes amirite
>why are my all relationships disastrous failures?
>>
>>18052988
>I used to have a gf who had a ton of guy friends, and I had to deal with some close to the edge shit that drove me insane
Please elaborate
>>
>>18053334
Okay.

So she'd go to cons with her gf, her gf had a bf, they'd all a room...hey whatever, just a little headache..let it slide. Other times she would go with close guy friends in the mix, whatever.. let it slide (guy turns out to be gay, he tells her when our relationship ended, rage is too small a word), same gay kid, she goes to his house, returns with drawings all over her leg, tells me her female friend drew it... her female friend whos bf was present...at the gay kids house, before i knew he was gay... rage is too small a word. All a while it was long distance.. my brain was fried from frustration, go walking, try and cool off, only rage more, come home angry anyway. Her coworker takes her out for ice cream, fuckit, why not. At that point I was the biggest emotional cuck anyway, why the fuck not, wasn't even that phased at that point, I began to develop trust....

but no! just when I begin to understand her, she changes...she becomes distant...cold..her facial expressions weren't the same..we'd patch things up, but this was different.. she was trying to find ways to leave...slowly.

dumps me on my bday, i break my laptop screen with phone..regrets it, dumps me two days later. meh. old news now, 2008. But man, get ready for a wild ride, some women are like a long ass test, only to find out you were getting an F long before the test was even over.
>>
>>18053404
So, to expand on this.

A few days ago I think I fell in love with a girl at a noise show. The girl is -in practice, very similar to my ex, but worse on so many levels in contrast... and yet I was smitten with her..

This is what I learned.

At a distance, the behaviors my then ex expressed, were in fact, probably things I would have overlooked had we been in a real FACE TO FACE relationship. But I was NOT in that kind of relationship.

Had I been, I think she would have loved me so much more.. we may have had a child today..

fast forward to today, the girl I am smitten with so many years after, is a lot like her in practice, very social with friends, yet very still and loved her own little space, she dressed beautifully, she danced with passion when a beat would come on, her demeanor was just something I was ..well, I was falling in love with, I felt like I was in a trance, my heart felt warmer and warmer when she looked my way..I felt there was something there, but I kept it inside, like an idiot..

Because she lives in NC and I in Miami. So that's that.

You live, and you sort of relive..

I hope all your lives are aligned in ways suitable to you, because mine is definitely weird.
>>
>>18053069
>>18053195
>>18053240
>>18053291

I'm not that guy, but MAN are you fuckers whipped. This mentality isn't healthy.
>>
>>18052234
>Her:
>>I hate buying new clothes they don't look good on me!
>Him:
>>Well when you buy some clothes you got to give me a lap dance!
wtf? lol. not even mentioning the rest. its interesting tho, that people are arguing about things in this thread. is being a cuck an american thing?
>>
>>18053586
I am that guy and seriously holy shit these people.
>>
>>18053594
What are you talking about? Who is the cuck?
>>
>>18053586
what exactly about my statement made you budge? Are you a control freak too?
>>18053069
>>
>>18053614
i dont get what you dont understand
>>
>>18053616

Just reiterating the point that's been made in this thread multiple times... sometimes shit needs to remain secret. There are perfectly justifiable conversations that your partner does not have the right to know anything about.

"Let her see it" means providing unfettered access to your entire life. You can have a trusting and successful relationship without sharing absolutely everything.
>>
>>18053628
Or..or you can share your life with her freely. In fact, that very statement "whipped" is sort of an extreme overcompensation that suggests control issues. Like I MUST have my secrecy, desperately. I find that to be worse that whipped, I find it repulsive. It's not worth a relationship.
>>
>>18053628
Or..or you can share your wife with him freely. In fact, that very statement "whipped" is sort of an extreme overcompensation that suggests control issues. Like I MUST get out of my cage, desperately. I find that to be worse that whipped, I find it repulsive. It's not worth ruining the cucking experience.
>>
>>18053661
Or...or, you can meme her freely. In fact, that very statement, "meme" is sort of an extreme overcompensation that suggests meme issues. Like I MUST have my memes, desperately. I find that to be worse that memed, i find it repulsive. It's not worth a meme.
>>
>>18053643

I'd love to know if you have any friends outside of your wife, or if you believe that once you're married, it's time to put those away and spend every waking moment of your life in the house together.

Personally, I'd like to retain some shred of my individuality. It doesn't mean I love the person I'm with any less, just that we're two people that have lived full lives, and can NEVER expect to be the same person.
>>
>>18053661
But seriously, I can understand if the guy is working for the FBI or is an agent of some kind, trusted with sensitive data. But he's probably some college kid or edgy teen who thinks his conversations even matter. Making something big, of something so small, a shit.
>>
>>18053690
I'm not married. But if I was, I still wouldn't have many friends because I've always been an only child and sort of prefer not having many friends. I prefer a handful of meaningful relationships to a gargantuan amount of insignificant ones. I don't even use fb, to give you an idea of who I am.
>>
>>18053625
Why would you equate that conversation with OP being American? How is he a cuck?
>>
>>18053702

I'm an only child with a lot of friends, and a lot of really meaningful relationships with them. Just because you're closed off and alone doesn't mean the rest of us are.
>>
>>18053737
But I'm not closed off. I just realize that there is a time for everything, and even everyone. And I prefer seeing those people in person. I don't have a crazy uncontrollable need to talk to them. And even if I did, it wouldn't be a conversation I need to hide, especially if I was married.
>>
>>18052234
Ok first things first you need to tell her the shits needs to stop immediately, yeah you read her text if she don't like it fuck her cause you had a reason for reading them and next you need to tell this guy if her ever goes near your girl again your going to open his face up , end of fucking story
>>
>>18052255
These cucks on /adv/ sicken me.
>>
>>18052644
>I've talked to plenty of girls online and made that mistake before, other times I've felt bad about it, more recently I've just asked if they had a bf and stop talking to em once they say they do. But that doesn't stop women from being that way always.. her life may be so naturally empty, so devoid of excitement, that it, as weak as it is, became a thing
so your a pos and defending pos behavior by saying "it happens sometimes when things get boring and im not being entertained"
get raped roasty
>>
>>18053855
I'm not defending it. I just understand people do stupid shit they later regret. OP has a chance to turn the tide. And no, I never fucked any of those women who were just desperate looking for attention, and eventually I internalized what I did wrong and stopped talking to them.
>>
>>18053868
thats good, im happy you made what i consider the right decision, it is my opinion though that if only at the stage of long term bf and gf and shit like that is still happening its way to late in the game for that shit uNLESS marriage which op is not, so i would say drop her bc that is something that cracks the foundations of a healthy relationship. im not trying to picasso a stable person together when there are so many others that already have their shit together
>>
>>18053729
sorry i was sleepin

that conversation is cheating. OP is a cuck. and even tho it is so obvious, people are still arguing about it ITT. most people here are american, therefore.. here u go
>>
>>18052234
>About a month ago also my gf started texting her friend at work more and more, which is a guy. He buys her coffee in the morning so that's why they originally exchanged numbers. I noticed they started texting each other throughout the day though.
Yep, seen it before, personal experience, she may not be cheating on you yet, but this guy is a back up or alternative, if things get worse she will leave you jump over to him or even outright cheat with him.

Trust me, unless a guy is long term friend from before you met, then they are almost certainly always an alternate choice for her.
>>
>>18052234
Look. You have instincts. You can't teach that.

You have a girl and she bulllshits with a guy ... Seriously. She messages one dude with that bullshit it's done. You should just fuck her and take pics and the post for your brothers. SHE HAS TO KNOW THE CAMERA IS THERE>

That's it
>>
>>18052255
yes it is fine since he found evidence
maybe you need to act trustworthy to be trusted, its not a default given
OP wouldnt do it if he didnt suspsect anything

get fucked by a monkey whore
>>
>>18052255
Hillary Clinton detected.
>>
Been there, done that. Bunch of cucks in this thread. Get away from these dumb whores guys, you can do better.
>>
It is not wrong to snoop on a significant others cellphone. In those situations, truth does not fear investigation. It's not like you two are citizens and government.

Break up with her AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
>>
>>18054737
>It is not wrong to snoop on a significant others cellphone.

Of course it is.
>>
>>18054742
Nah, you're a faggot. Got something to hide?
>>
>>18054761
another anon, but: it's about respecting someones privacy.
If you fail to do so, you fail in showing your SO respect.
>>
>>18054780
When you enter a relationship, that shit goes out the window. You know what respecting privacy does in a relationship? Gets you cheated on for longer than you would have if you looked at your significant others phone.

When I enter a relation, I have NO qualms about my GF snooping through my social media or phone since I have absolutely nothing to hide. If I have embarrassing shit to write, I'll do it in a journal entry, and I sure as hell not going to be able to cheat on her through a journal.

100% transparency is the key. If they want to hide, it is guaranteed that they are cheating or will cheat in the future.
>>
>>18054827
>100% transparency is the key

In my books 100% trust and respect are the key to a functional relationship. If you can't trust your partner not to cheat, then why enter a relationship in the first place. Not snooping on your SO's phone and such is a display of that trust and respect. If you enter a relationship automatically jealous and mistrustful, how could it ever work kn the long run? But we can agree to disagree, clearly you have severe trust issues that are probably based on bad experiences.
>>
There's no warrant you can acquire, there's no law to break, there's no rights to respect in these situations.

She's completely ruining his life, and hiding and lying about it the other time. It's basic fucking human nature and action to discover a source to their problems, and fix them.

His source of the problem is understanding what it is his significant other is doing behind his back. By seeking that information, he's ridding himself of a burden.

If you use the information you find to progress with your life, there's no wrong in that, and you shouldn't feel any shame for the actions. All your doing is protecting yourself, and that's all a man can do.


You did good, OP. You know what's next.
>>
>>18054847
I agree.

GENERALLY, I do not think it is OK to snoop on your SO. It's reasonable to expect a certain degree of privacy, even in a relationship. Anybody who disagrees is a fucking control freak and you can't convince me otherwise.

But you can only reasonably expect privacy so long as you actually AREN'T DOING ANYTHING WRONG. If you're the one to break your partner's trust, and you tip them off somehow, you can't get mad when they break your trust in turn. Your partner's obligations to you go out the window the second you cheat on them.

But if you're the one doing the snooping, you'd better be pretty fucking sure.
>>
>>18054836
It's not just based on my bad experiences, but tons of other accounts of people thinking their girlfriend or wife was loyal, and then finding out that they've been cheated on a majority of the time. If she respects me, I get to look through all her shit. Since I respect her, she can look through all my shit. There is absolutely no benefit to not looking at their stuff compared to looking at their stuff. It's a waste of time. You can trust all you want, but people are easily fooled.

The logic in a significant other not wanting you to go through their phone is clearly because they don't want you, their boyfriend/girlfriend, to see what they're doing, and clearly shows that they are doing things that are not acceptable or are planning to do it.

There's no point in being a helicopter and spying on every single thing every time you visit them, as that's obsessive, but once in a while asking to look through their stuff is more than appropriate especially if they're acting strange. If they are having personal problems and are talking to other people about it through text, it's not really a major problem since those should be resolved through phone calls or face to face interaction.

If they can't handle that, they can have fun with their one night stands. I don't disagree with you in trusting the other, but being willing to let them make sure that you're not fucking around showing them that you are worthy of trust is key. It's earned, not unconditional.
>>
>>18052234
No- leave it out of it.

If you mention it, she'll feel more justified in her betrayal because she'll focus on the fact that you snooped rather than the fact that she was disloyal.

Just cut it off and tell something that will hurt her like "you're not meeting my standards"
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