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I'm 22
I jerked off to a 14 year old, thinking she was 16 or older. I was her swim coach
How to not an hero and actually live with myself.
I now hear voices who try to turn me into a pedohpile. and I experienced cognitive dissonance when one of the voices told me what i had done. I had forgotten all about it and was blind to it when it was going on. I really wasn't myself when I did it. I just masturbated a lot and in some way i got myself into masturbating while thinking about her.
Looking back at her I don't realize why i did it, she has nothing that turns me on. Shes just a scrawny 14 year old with a somewhat pretty face.
The voices keep haunting me about it, saying they want to beat me up and shit, which I really don't understand. They just won't hear my case. Whenever im around minors in the street or shopping, they try to make me think about them, not in a sexual way, they just try to make my attention turn on them, making me follow trains of thought about why my attention is on them.
Whenever I think about what i've done, im filled with so much shame and guilt and I just want to forget all about it, so that it can be as it was before my voices told me about it. I tried killing myself two times by strangulation because of guilt, but it was too painful to go through with it. Had i had a gun i would be a goner for sure.
How to live with myself?
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>>18051969
OP it's really not that bad. 14 year olds nowadays look 18 if not older. Plus theres younger you could've jerked off to. Seriously, get over it
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That's not a big deal. I'd be more worried about voices in your head telling you things. That's not normal at all, even for someone riddled with guilt.
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>>18051969
>How to live with myself?
Step one: don't do it alone. Go for help and therapy. If you can't pay it, ask friends and family or look up non-profits that might offer help for free/cheap.
The best way to keep the fake voices in your head at bay is by getting real voices with you. Ask for help. Good luck.
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>>18051969
First, seek counseling. Seriously, hearing voices, being suicidal, being that guilty is a terrible place to be. Get some relief.
Second "killing yourself by strangulation" has got to be a terrible thing. Don't try any other way in the meantime.
Get help. Masturbation is not bad. Suffering with your feelings is.
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>>18051974
This. People jack off to teens all the time. Thats the least of your problems. Get help for the voices or whatever the fuck
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>>18051969
Pretty dramatic, OP.
There's nothing wrong with jacking off in private to anyone. Not to your mom, not to your brother, not to a 14 year old, hell not even to someone much younger. It's just a thought and there's nothing wrong with thoughts.
The problem is acting on thoughts.
Go see someone about your voices as well your histrionics.
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Ok OP let's clear this up.
You did nothing naturally fucked up. A 14 year old is in the lower range of feritlity so biologically being attracted really isn't worrying.
What you did, however, is socially not accepted. But here it doesn't matter. No one knows so you don't have to fear consequences.
But you feel guilt. For that I have to say that you didn't hurt anyone or violate anyones rights. You did absolutely nothing. People can think what they want to and I would never feel guilty for a thought. What you did is basically equivalent to a thought because it had no effect on the world! It really is fucking nothing.
If you can't accept this you should completely seriously go to a theraüist so the unnecessary guilt doesn't ruin your life.
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I forgive you.
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>>18051969
People have been fucking 14 year olds for thousands of years.
It's even legal in some western countries.
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>>18052003
this anons correct
except last part. OP is obviously trolling. nobody is this stupid. this is not a situation that needs a therapist
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>>18051973
thanks for being blunt
>>18051974
I'm seeing a therapist, thanks. maybe the severity of the guilt comes from the voices and how they view my actions, making me feel worse about it than otherwise
>>18051976
Thanks, I hadn't really had much thought about how people around me could be of help to me, but now I look at it differently
>>18051978
I can't believe how some people can go through with it
>>18051981
I didn't know, I've always been more to milfs
>>18051990
maybe the voices has made me overexagerate how negatively i view myself. Maybe im dramatic about it, because the voices are.
>>18052003
Something I keep reassuring myself with is the thought "I'm just a man, it's hormones" but it's not good enough for the voices. they condemn me pretty badly.. I just had a walk with my father, maybe i should juts go "fuck that shit" and get over it. Maybe the voices will dissipate over time
>>18052017
thank you very much, nobody has told me this, and I really needed it.
>>18052035
yeah something I said to reassure myself was that I could have been a 34 year old pig who fucked a 14 year old.. glad im not
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>>18052087
>>18052035
yeah something I said to reassure myself was that I could have been a 34 year old pig who fucked a 14 year old.. glad im not
>34 year old pig might be a bit too dramatic. If they both want it, i'ts ok i guess
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