Marriage

I'm in the same boat as well OP.

To be honest, I never wanted to pursue a relationship because I tend to overthink that my partner will divorce or leave me for another man at my lowest point of life, but then it's probably my fault for marrying a woman that I have not completely understand in terms of personality, her needs and wants etc. when we were in a relationship.

Personally, I don't favor divorce because a man and a woman needs to develop their relationship first and completely understands one another to the point where they can tolerate one another to get married. After all, isn't that the reason why people get boyfriends and girlfriends?

Marriedfag here. (5 years)

Marriage is dope as fuck if you get with the right person. It's hard work being married, but it's all about finding a person who's willing to put in that work. My wife and I make this joke(that her parents used to make) that we'll renegotiate in 50 years if the marriage is unsatisfactory.

The whole "marriage is dying" thing comes primarily (spoiler alert) from lazy hedonists who get married with someone who they aren't necessarily very compatible with. Sometimes this is outta necessity (my parents got married because my mom got pregnant and my dad is a big moralfag and wouldn't abandon her, they got divorced literally a month after the last kid flew the coop lolol) and some do it outta convenience. Most of the time, people settle and that ends up fucking them up the ass.

People change over time, so you have to be with someone who you not only love, but are prepared to learn about while they learn about themselves. You have to be ready to love who they become.

A good marriage isn't something that feels like a rollercoaster, it feels like a steady drive through the country. Sometimes there's beautiful scenery or an old cabin and you both go "damn that's pretty." And sometimes you take a wrong turn or hit a pot hole and say "damn that sucked." But you both have to be committed to staying in the car. If you've got a good lady or gentleman, staying in the car is the only thing you want to do. Experience the ups and downs together. Change the tires on the car if they're getting flat or bald. Fix the window if a rock flies into it. Stop for gas now and again. But stay with the car.

It may sound confining, but it's really comforting to know that there's always someone of you need them. My wife and I have gone through some serious shit since we started seeing one another almost a decade ago, but we always have an ally and that's fucking invaluable.

Marriage isn't for everyone. But it's great if done right.

>>18051669
>Marriage isn't for everyone.


This sounds incredibly sad.

>>18051680
>Marriage isn't for everyone.
>Children aren't for everyone

And so the white population implodes

>>18051634
>basically all marriages these days end in divorce,

In most parts of western world at least it's still closer to 50% than all.

But yes, marriage is a double edged sword. One one hand, studies suggest that people in marriages live longer and healthier lives, but other studies seem to indicate that non-married people are happier. Personally, I've always been sceptical, because marriage isn't as mandatory these days as it was in the past. But in the end it really depends on your partner. If you find someone you genuinely think you'll spend the rest of your life with, then getting married makes sense because of the legal status it gives to the relationship. But getting married to someone you're not sure about just for the sake of getting married is idiotic.
Hypothetically, if the popularity of marriage decreases and fewer people end up married, the divorce rates will go down eventually, because the people who do marry do it because they want to and because marriage means something to them.

But honestly, while the stats are there, worrying by about them is pointless. Every marriage and it's success depends on the people involved. It's a personal decision, so no matter what the stats look like they don't directly translate to the likelihood of your marriage in particular failing.

>>18051685
If that's the case then relationship isn't for everyone since this world has its share of introverts who enjoys being alone all the time.

>>18051680
Well, it's true bud. Not everyone can set aside their own self to start thinking about a family, however modest. Not everyone can put in the work it takes to be with someone. Not everyone has the maturity or the strength to go through life with someone else to really honestly care about in a deep way. And not everyone is prepared mentally for the worst if it comes to it.

Cultural shifts have made marriage into a luxury (or burden, if you're a lazy asshole or a narcissist) and not a necessity, and that's changed the way we interact with the concept.

Marriages can only very rarely be "Fuck, spit out kids, work all day, then barely speak to your spouse" anymore. That's just not how our culture works.

Personally I'm glad. I like a challenge.

>>18051634
Not even half of the marriages end in divorce, and it is much rarer if you get married in your late 20s and you're both mildly educated.

A lot of people get married because they think it's the next thing they have to do, because that's what society expects you to do when you've been in a relationship for a while. A lot of people get married because they're scared of being alone. This is the kind of marriage that ends up in divorce.
Don't get married because you want to get married and have kids, get married because you want to spend the rest of your life with that particular person. Get married because that particular person brings joy and peace into your life.

Also, this >>18051669 is very true.

>>18051698
>Not everyone has the maturity or the strength to go through life with someone else to really honestly care about in a deep way.


And this is why we get a lot of single moms nowadays. If there are people that are so narcissist to never give a shit about their partner and leave them in a heartbeat via divorce, at least think about the child, or better, DON'T EVEN REPRODUCE.

Meh, I'm not buying how lax the people are nowadays when it comes to partnership, it's as if marriage is something taken for granted when it's supposed to be sacrilegious.

>>18051709
Actually our generation gets divorced much less than other generations.
Your parents generation is the one which got divorced most.

Marry a young girl (18-21) not some post wall slut who's looking for a provider.

>>18051718
Best way to get divorced.
Couples with big age gaps get divorced more, people who get married young get divorced more.

>>18051709
There's a bit of real truth in this post, that I haven't mentioned yet. A biiiiiig issues these days is that no one takes it very SERIOUSLY.Its as I said before, and >>18051705 said as well. People just sorta "fall into"marriage a lot because they feel like that's just what you're supposed to do. That's silly, even from a strictly pragmatic view. Getting married, then divorced can be a relatively painless experience, but it can also just completely fucking wreck your life and destroy you mentally. It is not something to be entered with a "whatever" attitude, you have to take it very seriously.

>>18051713
Also take note of this, younger folks seem to be getting more invested in the ol' institution, likely because they saw their parents completely ruin it.

Marriage is only bad if you act like a moralfag about it

I'm married and still hang out with other girls

>>18051713
That sounds optimistic
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/12/02/divorce-rate-declining-_n_6256956.html

But sadly that isn't the case for the rest of the world, especially for developing countries like mine. In worst case scenario, like Philippines, people will feel irresponsible for their actions and would sprout 8-12 kids without even providing, leaving half of the population starving from poverty.

>>18051669
This. I've been married almost 12 years and my parents and my inlaws have each been married over 30 years.

I think it's just too widely accepted to just get divorced if things get too hard, it's no longer that much of a taboo. Marriage is one of the easiest and hardest things, all at the same time.

>>18051729
It is true for most of western countries. Some countries like for example Italy didn't even go through a "super high divorce rate" phase.

>>18051634
Wanting to have kids is not a reason to get married. E V E R.

You get married when you feel like you have found a person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Literally and actually. You marry someone who you cannot stand the thought of parting from.

When you have found that person then and only then do you get married. Don't marry anyone else. Don't marry just some nice, good-enough, person that you think will make a good mother and aren't averse to living under the same roof with.

There has to be something much deeper for a marriage to work out.

>>18051730
At the same time, learning when a divorce is actually needed is a mark of maturity. As I said earlier in the thread, my parents jumped into marriage because my mom got pregnant, and I think there's a weird maturity in the way they handled it. They basically put their lives on hold for about 25 years just to let the kids have a half decent shot at a normal childhood. Then as soon as the last one moved out and was stable, they broke it off with not a single hard feeling. Mom didn't take any of dad's shit, no custody problems cause the kids were grown. My mom's family gave her a lot of shit for getting divorced (she's the only one that did in a family of 7 kids) and I always thought that was unfair

>>18051732
I married my wife because I thought I couldn't find anyone better and I still feel that same crummy way 7 years after we started dating

I've never found anyone that made me feel amazing, I don't even have any other friends in real life

>>18051744
I feel bad for you, bud. I've got a couple of friends like you. I never see their wives.

>>18051744
It's a hard lesson to learn but it really is a better feeling to be alone than stuck with someone that isn't right for you.

At least when you're alone there is possibility and opportunity.

>>18051634
What reason is there to marry? You don't need to be married to have kids.

It's not hard to divorce these days for women because
A women suck men dry for 'support'
B the state acts as a provider
C she will get the kids

>>18051749
Sometimes I'll meet someone whose personality I really like but I'm not attracted to them sexually, sometimes the opposite happens

Never both

>>18051781
Same. I am married to someone with an amazing personality and work ethic...who I am not attracted to. Don't make my mistake.

>>18051734
>learning when a divorce is actually needed is a mark of maturity
Oh, I completely agree. A good friend of mine has a garbage husband and would be way better off divorcing him, but she won't. Instead she's teaching her daughters that a man treating you like garbage is better than being alone. I can commend what your parents did, but some people seem like they don't even try to make things work.

>>18051781
>>18051788
>Tfw married to a smart hard-working girl who I find very attractive and who also sat on my face without having to be asked to do so

>>18051797
Yeah, maybe I'm just biased, but I found their approach very noble and selfless in a way. I mean they burned their 20s and 30s away for us. Another neat thing is that they were both from incredibly poor families but worked full time jobs ( my grandmother is famous for her child rearing abilities, so during work hours we stayed with her if we weren't at school)and actually made the jump to middle class. We always lived comfortably, and they made a special effort to save up enough every year for us to travel, because it's something neither of them got to do when they were kids. You gotta admire the tenacity of those two I'd say. They've been divorced for years now, and are 100% completely pleasant and civil. Both have remarried (both to younger, hotter people lol), but we all still get together as a family. No underhanded comments, no persistent negativity. Just two people who had to go through hell together.

>>18051788
It's hard for me because I just don't think there are many girls who can match me in attractiveness, career and nerdy hobby powerlevel. Just finding two of those is hard enough.

>>18051824
I'd abandon the nerdy power level requirement. It's good to share some shit, but it's really unhealthy to share all your interests. You'll both stagnate

>>18051838
I can't imagine a normal attractive career woman going for a massive weeaboo like me if she isn't one herself

>>18051634
> I know that basically all marriages these days end in divorce
Not the case. The divorce numbers commonly shouted around are, essentially, lies.
Most first marriages last - more than 70% of them. The percentage of first marriages that end in divorce has been declining for 40+ years, too.

>>18051634
The trend for millenials is to have a long term relationship without marriage binding them. There's quite a few whom've even started their family portion with already having children and live together but still so not tie the know

>>18051857
Well, desu you may have painted yourself into a corner with your hobbies m8. It happens. You'd also be surprised, I have a friend who is a fuckhuge Warhammering, DnDing, card gaming fiend and his wife is a flat out normie. Hell, im a pretty big need with shit like Vidya and tabletop games, and my wife is a career driven woman who thinks it's funny. Women are like men, in that if you're a good fit, shit like that is minor.

Though if you're too deep off the Weeb coast, your options become nil. Anime fandom is something that fucking eats you if you're not careful

>>18051871
Whatever hobbies are more important than money

>>18051880
I'm not sure what you're saying here