Please help

>>18044059
I felt like I had to tell her about all the shit in case I died. She was extremely sad. She didn't deserve this at all /adv/...

After I came back, we had long talks about the relationship because the long distance had ruined some things. A lot of girls had told her bold face lies about me trying to get with them, flirting with them while me and her were together and other ridiculous stuff she didn't believe. I laughed, thinking what the fuck is wrong with these dumb bitches. Most of them were girls that I had flirted with WAY before I saw her, to which they had replied "no way" only to stalk me at parties trying to get me to fuck them later on.

We started living together, but I was still thinking its too good to be true. She was wonderful in all ways. We had our disagreements, but it was beautiful nonetheless.

Now, long story made a little shorter: I had to go across the country to my family for Christmas. At which time she had MAJOR problems in her family, and I couldn't pay attention to her needs at all. I was on the phone with her, but ultimately told her to wait for me to get back so we can talk about it. She was crying all the time and I couldn't be with the family, so I started yelling at her for petty shit so she'd hang up and I could deal with it later. She was so distorted by the family thing that she had packed my shit while I was away and told me she had no feelings towards me.

Next post wraps things up, please bear with me

>>18044078
When I got back to pick my shit up I hated her for what she'd done. I did believe she had no feelings towards me anymore and I couldn't take it. Remember I said I was cool? All that evaporated and I was sure she had found someone else. It was easier to think she was a manipulative bitch than to realize my walls had been too high for her to climb - because I though she was too good to be true through this entire time, which made me not give 100% into the relationship. I was insecure, and was afraid of her dumping me which ironically made her do it.

I was on my own, and found a new apartment. I resented the world, and hated everyone around me. I made a story about how she had always cheated on me and was being manipulative. I told myself this all day until I started believing it. At night, I remembered all the good things and cried until I fell asleep only to dream about her and wake up just as angry and delusional about what she had done.

A stranger (small town, remember?) told me that she had moved in with a guy, and that they had planned this a while BEFORE Christmas. All my hateful thoughts had come true, and I didn't wait to call her a cheating whore and every other name in the book. I told people how she had manipulated me in order to find someone else to pay the rent - that she had no fucking feelings. It was easier to think that, than anything else so I went with it. Suddenly everyone in town knew she was a cheating bitch that kicked me out for another guy.

Truth was: she never moved in with anyone. She had talked to said guy after we broke up, but nothing serious. The stranger that told me this, actually had problems with the guy and wanted someone to make his life hell.

Dear /adv/, I scorned a woman that loved me for the shit that I was. She may never love me again, but I will love her for the rest of my time on this earth. I really want to fix this, I was at my weakest and it was easier to jump to conclusions (one more)

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>>18044127
easier to jump to conclusions than see the bigger picture. Truth was, she had ALWAYS loved me, and I always loved her. I was too scared to show her because I felt that something would happen one day and I'd have to take my life, as no one has ever loved me like that before.

She hates me now because I talked all that shit, and rightfully so. The whole town has made up their mind about the wildest shit, and even worse than what I portrayed.

I don't know what to do. Since day one, the world has been against us, and now it seems like the fucking world won. I really want to make it up to her, not for her to take me back but for her to know how much I really loved her. Because I never showed her that.

How do I do that? I know I fucked up, and I expect you to call me out on it, but at least give me a direction of what to do. As said, not to get her back but for her to know how much I loved her because I never really showed her.

please, just anyone.

I have no idea on how to fix this, and frankly I don't think I can. But I want to show her, one last time before she moves on how much she is worth for me, which is the whole world.

Again, I have no hope of her getting back to me. I just know she deserves something far better than what I put her through, and I am willing to risk my life and anything else just to make it up to her and show her how much she is worth, because I never truly did. Please, /adv/ give me an idea of what I can do because this is the worst time of my life.

>>18044059
You're a shitty person who never deserved her love. Now go away.

>>18044183
I agree. I just want to make it up to her because she deserves it, nothing else.

>>18044188
The best way to make it up to someone you've screwed over is by going away and never bothering them again with your pathetic self.

You literally go away from their life. The only reason why you're trying to "make it up" to her isn't to make her situation better, but to make yourself feel better. You twist that shit up by saying you want to apologize, but in reality you hope there's some glimmer for you to get back together. Well tough shit, life doesn't work like that. Go away!

>>18044194
It is wishful thinking that I have of getting back together, but she has said no. It is not to make myself feel better, it's just to make things right. I only want to make her happy, there is no way we are getting back together and I know this even though it kills me. Yes I'm a shitty person and I deserve losing the best girl I'll ever meet, I just want to make it right if it so is winning the lottery and sending everything to her without hearing anything from her again. I don't deserve her, nor anyone worse cause I truthfully am a shit. I realize this, and it is too late. But I just want to give her what she gave me before I die. If it's so a fraction of it. It's not so I have a chance with her - I don't.

You guys are fucking cruel. I didn't know what love is, and now it's too late to replicate it. I lost everything due to my insecurities, I just want to make it up to her before continuing on my piece of shit life.

Fucking please, give me something here.

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>>18044261
> I just want to make it up to her
You've already hurt her. Any more attention on your part would just hurt her more.

Now leave her alone. And give me her number. I'll fuck her like you never will again.

Like everyone has been saying, you hurt her, and there's no going back on that. Honestly what I would do is write a letter to her and tell her what you want to say. And then leave it at that, don't expect a response, don't try to go after her. Don't call her, don't text her. Just leave it at that. Even better try not to think about her at all after that. It's your closure if you even deserve it. And she definitely deserves it. A letter is way better than a call or a text cause she can read it on her own time and it's less stress on her. If anything, move afterwards cause it sounds like your town sucks.

You liberally ruined someones life and now you simply want to make things right? It doesnt work like that. We arent the cruel one you are. Maybe next time instead of pushing away the things you love before they can push you away first try giving them a chance. Luckily I learned that before ruining my relationship.