Is it true that a relationship will never happen unless both

>>18041140
I once started talking to a girl, wasnt sure if she was partner material or not. We hung out a few times and texted every day. eventually we had sex once or twice, then for some reason I felt like she wasnt dating material. Kinda messed her up, but still texted every day and we became pretty close. 3 months later we started hanging out again and I fell for her really hard. Then we dated for almost 2 years. Then I realized she wasnt good for me and we broke up. It can happen, it just depends.

>>18041140
Yes.
Chemistry is instinctual. Attraction is instinctual. You either have it from the beginning or you don't.
You can grow fond of a person, but you'd miss a large part of the relationship.

Nothing is impossible really, but yeah, immediate chemistry/attraction to a certain degree is most likely going to make or break all chances.

It doesn't mean that "love at first sight" is absolute or even a thing, it just means that there is something that will click immediately that will put you two in each other's "potential" basket. It's from there on out that you will move out of the potential basket, to either "date material" or "nevermind."
But if there's absolutely nothing to build off of, it's just not gonna happen.

no. you can be a sociopath or with one easily enough

>>18041207
why is it that everyone seems to have these perfect relationships? I have never heard about someone falling for a girl that doesn't like them back irl.

>>18041245
Because socially competent people ask the girls they like out, and then either accept rejection or date them.
They don't become friends of some girl and then don't do anything and cry on the internet because they have been friendzoned and ask advice on how to win her over.

>>18041271
that makes a lot more sense now that i think about it. Is there any point in asking out when they don't like you back? does rejection help you get over a girl that you liked?

>>18041279
fear of rejection is worse than rejection

>>18041245
There is not really such a thing as a perfect relationship, for starters. Behind closed doors, all couples have their own conflicts and issues, they just don't always have to be break up worthy.
And if you really havent heard about someone falling for someone who doesn't like them back, then you aren't getting out enough. It literally happens ALL the time. But, kind of what the other anon said. Most people probably won't talk about it, and most people can accept defeat and move on.

>>18041296
I already know i would be rejected for said girl so I've just decided to not burn bridges and not ask her out

>>18041201
Disagree. I'm a girl, and there are plenty of people I grew to be attracted to over time, but found them unappealing, and in one case even repulsive, at first.

>>18041368
was it from them or did it just happen without their intervening

>>18041368
Never happened to me.
The sexual, animalistic attraction I'm speaking of either was instaneous or never existed.
I grew attracted to guys as I grew closer to them, but it isn't the same thing.
I wanted to fuck them because I loved them, I didn't want to fuck them because they were irresistible. It's a different feeling.

Kind of. No it doesn't have to be love at first sight, but people tend to like people who like them. This is because of two main reasons. First of all, people fall more quickly for someone they run into a lot (exposure effect). The more we see someone (or something), the more we grow to appreciate it. The way this works everyone is more likely to fall for their colleagues, classmates or neighbors, and obviously that's a two-sided deal. So if your colleague is into you, there's already a higher chance that you are into her simply because she is your colleague.
Next thing is that she will show in her behavior that she likes you. She will single you out and give you more smiles, joke with you, do you little favors, or even just make sure she looks her best around you. That accomplishes multiple things: you start thinking about her more because she keeps putting herself on your radar, and you start appreciating her more because smiling, friendly, interested people are more attractive.
In the end, it's not one person chasing the other, it's two people doing a sort of dance where one notices the other, which causes the second person to become more aware of this specimen, and so on.

So basically, it isn't so much that both people should individually and independently of each other like each other enough.
It's rather that if you have gone through some of the motions, you already know each other, you already like each other enough for friendly contact, you have already tried to charm her a bit... it's pretty telling if she's still unimpressed.

Is it impossible for her to still develop feelings? No, but the chance isn't big enough to keep investing in it. You are also indulging your own infatuation and that's detrimental to moving on and meeting someone you have a better shot with.

>>18041415
holy fuck that first paragraph literally just explained my situation and i didn't even realize that is what happened. How do i forget about her now that this is enough for me to stop pursuing her?

>>18041427
There's no magical trick to get over someone. Distract yourself, consciously pay attention to other girls, that's about all you can do. Let time do its thing.

File: 90819765103d1d1c21eb198cc4dd599f.jpg (37KB, 500x620px) Image search: [Google]

37KB, 500x620px

>>18041380
Mostly I would just kind of get used to their faces, I guess. Then, if and only if I was attracted to their personalities, physical attraction would follow.

There is a guy that I am obsessed with now that looks like a less physically fit Lip from Shameless. I thought he was pretty homely, though not repulsive, at first with his big nose and bug eyes (same with Lip), but he's really sweet and makes me laugh and now all I think about is him fucking me like 24/7. It's ridiculous. I also find myself watching and rewatching Shameless, a show I don't even like, just waiting for the Lip scenes as I now find him attractive because he looks like my crush.

>>18041569
>>18041415

i guess the first paragraph fits your description

>>18041613
Prolonged contact is definitely a must. It's not like I see an ugly dude, think "Gee, he's ugly" and then see him 6 months later, without any sort of physical change, and swoon. This has only happened with friends, coworkers, classmates, etc.

Conversely, I will also start finding people I thought were gorgeous more and more physically unappealing if I dislike their personalities or if I find that we are otherwise not compatible. People who I despise will start looking downright ugly because I'll focus on their physical flaws.

>>18041415
© 2017 Beta-Post

>The more we see someone (or something), the more we grow to appreciate it.
>exposure effect
I haven't grown to appreciate my shit, but I see it in the toilet every day.

Time spent with a person doesn't solely make them appreciate you. Both parties must be interested in each other to some extent. If a girl doesn't like how sweaty you are, she isn't going to appreciate you more if you follow her around all the time breathing down her neck.

>>18041641
>Time spent with a person doesn't solely make them appreciate you.

Nobody is saying that, aspie. But over time, good qualities can overtake bad qualities and it's possible for physical attraction to grow as a result.

>>18041649
>But over time, good qualities can overtake bad qualities and it's possible for physical attraction to grow as a result.
Nobody is arguing against that, aspie. When you get to know a person who is also romantically interested in you, you're absolutely right. Physical attraction can grow over time. But just the act of spending more time with any person isn't what garners their appreciation. What matters is mutual interest and the quality of time spent together. If you spaghetti on a regular basis and your coworker isn't also autistic, chances are they'd lose interest in you, especially if you try to spend more time with them.

>>18041443
What do you do if you distract yourself but then you remember your only doing this to distract from said person? Is the hobby not enough?

>>18041140
Its cynicism, but trying to coerce/convince someone to want to date you is fairly ineffective when there are plenty of other people who think you're gods gift to humanity, or at the very least kinda hot

>>18041964
But it's two way street which is why I believe both people have to fall for each other for relationships to work

>>18041140
Actually this hideous taiwanese girl is now happily married to some guy who is far less ugly than her, obviously she grew on him like a leech and the rest is history so therefore if the guy is a complete loser he'll feel obligated to make something out of it because he has no better options.

So yes relationships of this nature do work out, goodluck op!

>>18042145
I feel like you are trying to put it that if I try to make a relationship I would be ruining their life

From experience and from knowing about other people's experiences, it's always about the timing OP.

If you have a crush on someone without the feeling being mutual, it usually doesn't work out. Still, it's not impossible.

>>18042164
Okay noted for future use

I've fallen for my best friend of 10+ years before, just like that. She got in a relationship and suddenly all this jealousy was there. I'm not pursuing that because friendship is more important, but it is possible to think of people differently after time. You can't force it though, so in that sense it is still a waste of your time.