husband/father needs advice

Unfortunately I can't give advice because I'm not qualified, but for what it's worth, I totally agree with you.

There is little valid reason for her to adopt your sleep cycle. You are the sole breadwinner; it's extremely important for the whole family that you be able to get enough and good sleep. Surely she should realize that from a purely logical perspective. Further, as it seems you have adopted the traditional family model, looking after the kids is basically her 'job', and why she's doing right now is essentially not showing up to work on time.

Further, letting a 2 year old play on a smartphone is just way too much imo.
As for the 1 year old, the appropriateness of what she's doing is dependent on the baby's own sleep cycle.

It just doesn't make sense. I would wonder is there anything else going on, like with her health? Or maybe even emotions etc?

In terms of convincing her, maybe try talking to her mother or something? (Would depend on both yours and your wife's relationship with the mother in law)

>>18040400
*smartphone for 4 hours every day

>>18040400
there is always something going on emotionally or physically with her. most of the time i realise hey its not her fault but i think she wanta to keep herself in that spot. i jist dont know anymore. if i dont get sleep at my job i xould very easily slip up and lose a finger, hand, an arm, or even my life!

>>18040311
I wonder if she's finding this stay-at-home mum thing difficult, plus also might want to spend some quality time with you while you're home? Does she know that you value her work at home etc? Maybe she doesn't feel important enough so she's trying extra hard to be a good wife to you (even at the expense of the children).

Sounds tough doing a job AND looking after the kids. My mother was much like the woman you describe, dad came first, children second. I was ALWAYS late to school because she'd be up at 5am for dad, and then sleeping until I'm late for school.

Anyway, she has mental health problems she won't address. I think it's codependency and enmeshment or something. I suspect her mental health needs help.

She's a stay at home mom, that's kind of her job. I would feel right my husband going out and working his ass off every night and then having to get the kids up. If your kids are like mine at all, that's not always very easy.

She doesn't have to stray far from your schedule, but she can get up in the morning and let you sleep since, you know, you support the whole family.