In need of help...

Part 2-

differences. I meet a few guys at work. My current boyfriend was the one I stuck with. He's yonne by 5 years, which was off putting at first but as he asked me to do, I've looked past his age. For the most part he's got a solid family structure, he's the oldest between him and his sister and was taught right by his mother to respect women. Otherwise from his past involving being a shy kid in school (met him at work so I'm not sure how he was back then), he grew out of that and now he's a fairly normal guy. Issue lies in him understanding me, more or less the lack there of. I've told him about my past and before we went out I warned him over and over about my mental illnesses, even before we moved in together. Now we've moved in this apartment, a year lease, and I feel like I'm losing my shit and he has absolutely no idea how to deal. The way that he chooses to react when I'm in certain states of mind end up making the situation way worse since he doesn't actually understand how I think. We've been together for more than 6 months and by now I've opened up as much as I can. I don't know if it's because he's never been through the mud as badly as I have or if it's an age thing, but he's just not getting it. I've literally felt like I have no one to talk to except my one friend, who is someone I've had past relations with, so I always feel terrible when consulting with him. Not that me and him have had a terrible history, but because I feel like he would've wanted to go out with me and now he's listening to my bullshit. So other than him there's really nothing. Another big issue is that because I'm depressed my boyfriend doesn't want to leave me alone in case I hurt myself. But there are times when I just want to isolate. It's very challenging because I know he wants to help but I need my space, yes I've told him this more than a few times, but there gave also been times when I want him around and he'd do the opposite. I usually vocalize after I get--

Part 3-

back to a normal state of mind but because he and I are on two different wavelengths emotionally and mentally, he just doesn't get it. A trigger for me is when I lock the rim to get space and he just breaks into our room since we have a shitty doorknob. I feel like I have no where to run or go. I can't drive due to a phobia of driving, we've moved faround from my old location to be closer to work, so there is no one I know in this area. There are no buses... What really gets me is that he g as a car and this is technically his area so he's got his friends and family. Hell he still had his room in his parents house to go to with stuff in it and everything. But he refuses to leave. He will pry into the room and be insistent on having me talk. Lately I've been barricading the door because of how angry it makes me knowing that he can just come and go as he likes but I can't get a moment alone. He'll push through everything I've put at the door and then procked to not leave the room. Tonight I literally tried to fight him off of me and leave the room and he wouldn't stop. I know it's out of concern but due to my one ex, I end up getting ptsd of when he would do the same things to me. Alot of what he does at times remind me of that one guy and if anyone else had been through mental or sexual trauma, they would know that your body just goes into fight or flight mode. I'm just.... I'm so over everything right now and I really don't know what to do. I have bills to pay and this lease in my name so going to the hospital would really fuck up my credit and other things if work is going to get missed... I've been on medications before but I stopped because of the side effects, most of them were making me easier to anger. The help I used to get from my groups and my caseworker were attached to the housing and so when I moved here I lost everything. He's not a bad guy, but his similarities at times remind me of my ex and I think subconsciously it triggers--

Part 4 (Last part)-

me to act negatively towards him. Not to mention there are other things that occurred between me and my current boyfriend prior to us dating and during that have caused me to lose trust in him. I'm trying to sit and think if my options but it's hard for me to trust my own judgement sometimes, especially considering on how most of my past decisions have gone. I would just like as many opinions or outlooks on this as possible and maybe a few options. I hate feeling like my illness is controlling me and now the relationship. Thank-you for reading and your time...

File: gUslVd3.jpg (12KB, 480x270px) Image search: [Google]

12KB, 480x270px

>>18034199
>>18034228
>>18034265
>>18034282

>>18034199
>>18034228
>>18034265
>>18034282
>implying anyone is going to read your walls of text
just kill yourself

Woah there sweetie. That is a lot of subjects you just went over. The one that concerns me the most though, is how your boyfriend treats you. It is unacceptable. He needs to respect both you and your space.

>>18034294

I guess I should try and minimize that... I just wanted to give a detailed explanation of my issues so people could understand where I'm at.

>>18034302
Op here, yeah I'm sorry I think I was just out of it and went on a tangent. Thanks for the input.

>>18034312
I'm not sure what exactly it is that you're asking advice on?

If you've told your boyfriend that invading your privacy when you need to be alone is making things worse and he's doing it anyway that means he's made a value judgement. Basically he's concluded that causing you to become more fried in the long term is less important than making sure you don't harm yourself in the short term. Which of course will inevitably lead to you either needing another trip to a mental ward or actually harming yourself. If you've already explained that too, your relationship is basically fucked. He's not empathizing and he's prioritizing his logic system above your long term health. Ultimately you don't even need to understand how someone thinks to just listen and give them space.

You might have a shot if you could explain what's going on to a therapist of any variety (doesn't need to be a couples specialist, therapists receive a general foundation for counseling) and then get that therapist to lay down the law for your boyfriend. The authority figure approach might make a difference. If it doesn't you need to break up with him and figure out how you'll deal with your living situation from there. Do you have any spare rooms in the house?

>>18034315

I guess to avoid all that text- I'm asking advice on what I should do? Advice on any aspect of the matter is fine, on my boyfriend now, my mental issues, past ex ptsd, means of help... I just don't know what direction to even start from. I'm sure I've pissed my boyfriend off, might have hurt him physically even while fighting him off me... the room is ruined. And now I'm just sitting in the aftermath of it all. Still haven't said a word.

>>18034322
Wow...thanks so much Anon.... that was very insightful and I really appreciate you conquering the walls... I'm not too keen on posting in 4chand and by the time I realized I went overboard I couldn't edit the posts...

Unfortunately it's a one bedroom... I've explained to him things but your point of view on having a professional tell him is a great idea worth trying. I'm not sure if it's so much just me or the both of us that would need counselling so your idea is a safe bet, better than to drag him into it with me if he doesn't.

>>18034325
I had a very similar situation happen to me. I think as far as means of help goes, it's good that you're talking about it. Maybe a therapist would help, if you don't see one already. I think you really need to communicate to your boyfriend that you need space. If he's not willing to let you go in the other room, maybe you can set up furniture in a way that gives you space while he can monitor you, so you stay safe. Try putting two chairs in the bedroom, some distance apart, and when you become unstable, tell him you need to sit in your chairs? When I had issues, I would politely ask my ex to not say a word to me until I calmed down. When he respected that, we did just fine, but when he didnt, there were a lot of problems. Do you know what you need from him in a situation where you're freaking out?

>>18034331
You're very welcome. I'd recommend researching group residential homes in your area to see if there are any that better than others and applying directly to one. I live in central Minnesota and we have two near me that have good reputations. You get your own room, so you don't deal with assholes outside of meals, and you might be able to find a place like that near you. Depending on the wording in your lease you'd still have to pay rent, but at least you wouldn't be doubling up while moving out. Still trying to think of other advice.

>>18034345

Thanks Anon, no I don't see a therapist atm but I'm definitely willing to try. I work graveyard shift 630pm to 5am, and usually by the time I wake up every professional building is closed, that's something I'll have to fix. The thing is depending on what triggers me is what affects what is like from him. If it's something that reminds me of my ex, it's pretty much game over as I plunge pretty low pretty fast. At that point I don't usually talk and I want him to leave me alone. I do try and vocalize after or if I catch myself being moody before hand, but he's pretty show when it comes to piecing together things or graspring which situation is which, again I'm just thinking it's because he's not on a high emotionally level, since we've been going out for more than 8 months and he's still not getting it. It's good to hear that your ex learned to work it out with you. I can only hope my boyfriend does the same. I feel very invested in this relationship already and would hate to see it end cause if failed understanding ...

>>18034346

Yes, I'll take a look into those as well, nothing wrong with a safety net. I am familiar with group homes, perhaps too familiar, so it won't take me too long to adjust if the need arises. As long as I'm not required too much I could still send him money so he's not covering the apartment alone, living in the northeast coast is very expensive especially for lower middle class.

What I was trying to convey in my last post, and probably failed to do so, is that applying to a specific group home directly is much better than being assigned one by government or hospital services because you can actually choose a good one that won't make you miserable. There are some where you get your own room and privacy.

Depending on the state you live in you may be able to get monetary assistance with your rent by talking to a social worker or financial worker in your county. Some states have welfare/social security programs set up to assist women who've been traumatized in relationships.

Do you have any trauma related to police? I hate dealing with them myself, but they could be a resource. The plan would be this: Explain your situation to a police officer, maybe even several, and then have him/her/they have a conversation with your boyfriend. Tell your boyfriend that the next time he breaks through the barricade you put on the door you're calling the police. They'll come and do a wellness check for you and once they've determined you aren't in danger of harming yourself they'll put your boyfriend in jail for the night for assault in the fifth degree or something similar. Hopefully that conversation alone would put an end to his intrusions.

>>18034381

During my 3 years in group therapy, I was under government assistance and getting mental help from a nonprofit organization through the Medicare insurance. That ran out right around the time I got my job about a year and a half ago, so most things would be paid out of pocket unless there's some other financial aid I can apply for. That or unless I reapply for social security, but without the group helping me I'm sure it'd get denied especially since I've been holding on to this job. As for the police trauma not so much, not too fond of them but I respect them and their job. Though I do worry about contacting the police because of my mental health history if called they might just place me in a ward. 9 times out of 10 I look like a terrible mess when these things happen and if me sounding depressed doesn't make them me looking crazy might. Though like you said, if it stops him if I just mention it, than maybe that's good enough.

>>18034402
Ask the police what would result in you being taken to a mental ward. Most would tell you without hesitation, otherwise you can post the question to a legal forum or get a free fifteen minute consultation with certain lawyers and get an answer to that question. That's all I've got, good luck.

>>18034412
Thanks, I'll probably go with asking a legal forum cause I feel like asking the cops that directly seems kind of awkward. Again, thanks alot. I've got a good amount of information from /adv/ now.

you need to stop talking with exes
you need to tell your boyfriend you need space and you aint gona hurt yourself after you cut the exes loose

it will be fine

if it doesnt work then you need to leave
make up your mind what you want

exes or what you have

stop torturing yourself and others