Girlfriend has crush on her colleague

>>18032063

Depends on what you want to do. Either you give up and break up, or you try to salvage the relationship. Probably depends on how far she's taken it with him or if she's been loyal to you. This can happen in long term relationships, you either work through it with her or you decide to end it.

>>18032063
Break up with her anon. If she's been into him for that long it's possible she's not so sure how strongly she feels for you.

>>18032063
You should end it. She basically cheated on you.
She needs to stop talking to him, and perhaps find a new job. If she doesn't want to do it, dump her and move on.

>>18032063
Not sure why this is but the thought of my girlfriend doing this to me and cheating on me eventually kind of turns me on but in a bad way. I'll still be mad, am I a cuck? I would dump her though.

>>18032063
If she has feelings, strong or weak , for anyone that isn't you then your relationship is rubbish. Dump her ass and find someone who'll appreciate you for real. Tell her to gtfo with her empty I love yous

>>18032104
It happens sometimes to get a small crush for someone else, in a long term relationship.
Attraction is inevitable. The point is - you don't play along. You cut the bullshit and distance yourself for the person you have feelings for.

Her mistake wasn't getting a crush on a colleague, it was acting on her feelings.

>>18032063
This sort of shit happens in long term relationships.

Usually there is some thing said coworker has that she doesn't have with you, try to make it so that that thing is there with you too.

>>18032108
>Acting on your thoughts
This is her crime. If she's doing this for months willingly then she doesn't really love OP enough to be his gf or partner.

>>18032063
beat the ever living shit out of that guy

>>18032063

take no action: say "I just want you to be happy and if it means that you have to leave me, than this is what you should do"

On a surface it is counter intuitive but If you think about it: It shows how sure of yourself you are and she will stay. You just need to have no fear of her leaving. I assure you it will work,

The fact that the guy is urging her to end the relationship is a big sign and it changes. Crushes can happen and even in my five year relationship, I've had crushes and just let it pass.

What does she want to do? Should ask her that and what she is planning to do with this crush.

>>18032063

I think it's pretty cool how your girlfriend was open with you about this, including his attempt at breaking up the relationship, and still maintains that she wants to be with you. It's a sign that she truly cares for the relationship and isn't willing to throw it away for a crush.

My boyfriend is sitting beside me telling me that you should dump her, because the fact she actually allowed herself to have an interest in someone enough to develop an emotional attachment to her, suggests she's not as attached to the relationship as she should be.

I don't necessarily agree - although I don't think it's a good sign that she has allowed this to happen. Talk to her and try and work things out. Don't make it an issue unless you genuinely feel it is one - crushes happen and often disappear just as quickly as they appear.

Thanks for your inputs. I will think about them in the next couple of days, talk to her, and make a decision then. I'm pretty sure she just emotionally cheated on me but her feelings for him were rather strong. Now, she's definitely at a point to willingly get over the crush. However, she's texting with him again after they stopped for a couple of days (she said that she also does that with her other colleagues and she wants to keep things 'normal'...). I'll also see how I can improve.

>>18032129
Pretty much this and I'd go as far to a say you should smack her around a bit too.

One thing I learned in my experiences, words are empty. You should have ended it long ago, for your sake.

>>18032433
>Texts other colleagues
Should have mentioned this too OP, that puts her at a more forgivable position to not just text this guy only. Talk to her and give her some time to think about what she really wants.

>What should I do?

A threesome. Live as a triad. Having two men is a dream for so many women, and you should support her. The sex would be banging, extra income and more stability, a bro to end all bros as well as your gf.

>>18032063
hahaha holy shit.

you know that feeling you get after you crave a relationship for a while, then you get some story like this and just feel immensely better you don't have to put up with a SO like OP's?

ahahahahaha jesus fuck OP just leave that girl. I don't understand why you're even asking us, she has feelings for someone else and doesn't find you appealing anymore.

>she says she loves me
what a liar.

>she says she loves me
IF this were true she would not have been texting for months some guy that actively tries to end her relationship with you and clearly has no respect for anyone but himself.

She does NOT love you, no matter how much you try to convince yourself of this.

I just did this to my husband of 8 years. Feels horrible. If you need somebody to yell at about this or somebody to call a cunt, I'm a good stand-in (this is an open invitation to anybody who has been treated so badly).

I left my husband after a few months of it. In my case, I had fallen out of love with him a long time before the emotional affair happened. I didn't realize how far I'd fallen out of love until after I left. I'm not in love with the other guy either, but my ex is a fantastic wonderful and loyal man and deserved far better than to waste time on somebody who doesn't love him and failed to respect him.

Give her space. If I hadn't packed my things and left the day he found out, I'd have begged and begged for him to forgive me too. The guilt is overwhelming, make sure she's not trying to patch things up with you solely to avoid confronting that guilt head-on and alone.

I love all the optimistic posts here and hey they might be right, I hope they are.

>>18032626

Did you ever try talking to your husband about bring the other guy into the relationship?

dump that bitch.. life goes on. women don't define happiness.

>>18032632
I don't think trying to foist your polyamory fantasies onto randos it really going to be helpful. It appeals to such a slim subset of people that bringing it up twice, having it ignored twice, is probly your answer

>>18032772

It's something to consider. It's the best solution to the problem.

>>18032772

Thank you Pegasus.

>>18032788
That's not Pegasus, its some newfag poser

>>18032063
tell her to go ahead, get with him, but don't ever speak to you again

cut her off, spend as much time being productive as possible

not much you can do man. if a girl said that to me she'd be gone. use the fucked up feelings as motivation to better yourself and you'll wind up with someone who's eyes won't wander..

>>18033089
oh and the only reason i say this is not because she merely fancies someone, but actually texts them privately and is willing to listen to his bullshit about why you two should break up

end it and dont talk to her ever again

Have her cut all ties with him. Change jobs if there is no other way. If she can't do it then dump her.

>>18032063

tell her that its unacceptable. she can change her jobs or you can dump her. thats it.

Dude you do not seem to understand that it is already over. There is nothing to salvage here.

>>18032118
The 4chan has reached a verdict

>>18032145
Wrong. Your fatal mistake is assuming that confidence is everything. It's definitely important, but there are other key factors that make or break relationships.

Been in an incredibly similar situation before. Leave your girlfriend, it will be so much better than when she eventually leaves you for him. She knows everything about you, but doesn't know everything about him. Therefore you have literally no chance in competing against him, because she is assuming the things she doesn't yet know about him are all good things.

>>18032063
Cut all contact.

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In this case the word 'love' should really be replaced with the more apt 'care'. Your gf cares for you, or rather, your gf is considerate of your feelings. However, it's obviously not enough to not stop texting this guy. Dump her if she doesn't go no contact with this guy.

I've had girls in relationships obviously and indiscreetly crush on me. Contrary to women's retarded mental gymnastics, it's not because you're missing something in the relationship and it's definitely not because of any confidence this other guy has or that you lack. They're just whores who don't care enough about their boyfriend to limit contact with other men. True good girls don't have guy friends. True good girls don't look men they find attractive in the eye. True good girls ignore attractive men.

>>18032563
fucking this

>>18033089
>>18033093
agree

my question is how did it get to that honestly
im afraid youll be dumped

how confident are you about your bed performance?
just letting you know this woman will suck his dick no matter what
either while you ok it then forget him or as her new boyfriend

>>18032063
Get her away from him and away from you for a while if you want her to figure out how she really feels.

End it OP.

Just dealt with this with my 4 year ex. Part of it tho is that she was unhappy but she "fell" for this other person.

She wasn't willing to stop talking to him or anything so he was simply more important to her than me. So even if ur girl agrees ur gonna live with wondering if she's talking to him or not. Let alone you will grow to resent her or do something stupid like fight the other guy.

It hurts like all hell OP when someone you love cares about someone else. Where she fucked up is like what a anon said before is that she played with the idea and didn't cut it off right then and there.

Sure you can work it out but now she's gotta earn your trust back

>>18032129
Have fun with your assault charges.
Just dump the slag and move on, op. Beating the dude is just an excuse for deflecting the anger you feel for your girl on to some dip shit.

>>18032063
Ah, the old trick of leaving the decision to the other half ... You dump her, you're the bad guy and she's free to get her solace from guess who since you've been so cruel yada yada yada .. you say let's try and work it out she'll keep the other guy in the side, then after some time dump you and have a clean conscience .. this approach is solely designed to stand out as the 'victim' in any outcome ... Speaking from experience here. I tried the second approach and got cucked then left in the lurch. What I'd do today if my SO came to me with a story like that, would be to kick her ass to the curb and move on

>>18032626
totally agree femanon. You fall out of love and lose respect it opens the door and unfortunately it's done and won't return.

>>18032063
If she truly has fallen for him, than your relationship isn't quite good now is it? You should block her from everything and move on.

>>18034481
This. True good girls are so rare. My gf has guy friends and I want to hurt them bad. Bitches be stupid yo

>>18034481
>True good girls don't have guy friends. True good girls don't look men they find attractive in the eye. True good girls ignore attractive m
This is absolute, complete, utter bullshit.

Dump her op. If she really loved you she wouldn't have given time for these feelings to develope. Also the fact that she texts him after he talks about sabotaging your relationship is a BIG red flag. Dump her now. She's opened the door to her heart for others when she should have kept it tightly closed for you

>>18032063
she's clearly waiting for you to give her the OK. she's a coward and won't break up with you because she feels bad so she's trying to lay out all the signs in front of you hoping you'll do it for her.

tell her it's clearly what she wants and to go fuck off. dump her and never turn back.

lol why ya'll men so salty in her. op's girl just wants some more dick and something different to cuddle up to. every girl does, it's perfectly natural. no man can be everything. your fat, and she misses the feeling of muscle. your tall, she misses not having to stand on her tip toes to kiss a man. you like to hold her down she wants to hold a guy down. it's all good, let her be free. ya'll ruin completely fine relationships because of ya'lls ego.

>>18035683

>she's clearly waiting for you to give her the OK.

she clearly loves her boyfriend and this dude. all she wants is both, not an unnatural demand.

>>18035415
It is bs. I still blame OP's girlfriend for letting this shit get out of hand though.

>>18035728
She's not ready to settle with a single partner then. She should date more until she knows what she wants.

>>18034481

good boys let their girlfriends have a side man or two or tweleve :3

>>18035732

no op should realize every women he's with will always want another man, accept it, make friends with this dude, and rail his gf with him.

>>18035740
Then what? Eventually the other guy might want to keep her for himself. OP already said he's trying to break them up, not everyone likes to share m8.

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>>18035415
>>18034481

I mean, i agree to some extent but what he says about "good girls" could be if the girl is perfect.
But there is no perfect girl, let alone perfection.

>>18035752
Nah, perfection as in 100% doesn't but 99.9% does and the difference is negligible. Perfect humans don't exist, if that's what you mean.

>>18032563
You seem lonely, anon.

>>18032063
You are already a cuck OP.

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>>18032063 (OP)

Dump her OP, like the other anons said, the ship is already sinking. You can wait or jump off board.

>>18035721

No, just no.

>>18035752
No human being is a all around good human being. Everyone is somewhat shitty in some way.

The idea that you cannot be a good person if you have any social contact with a somewhat attractive member of the opposite gender is stupid.
I am friends with some guys since I was 5 - we lived in the same town, we have the same hobbies and interests, we still hang out sometimes. Does this make me a whore, automatically? Even if I am married to my high school sweetheart, my first and only boyfriend, I am a whore because sometimes I enjoy going to see a soccer match or going to a concert with people I've known for 20 years.
Also - people don't become ugly just because you're in a relationship. I still can see that some of my coworkers, some of my friends or acquaintances are attractive. The point is: don't spend time with people because they are attractive. But it's perfectly normal to spend time around attractive people if you have a valid reason to do so.

Dump her ass
I had one like that, she claimed I prevented her suicide
Then she went out and fucked her ex that beats her and steals her car and shit when I started an argument
Now do you really think she wasn't talking to him when she was throwing the suicide pity-party?

>>18035415
It's a hyperbole but I've had girls laugh at my jokes right in front of me while they're talking to someone else. They would do that but have never and would never look me in the eye. And it wasn't because she hated me or was nervous. That kind of dedication is what makes a good girl. Sorry you don't get that from your girl.

Good girls don't flirt. Period.

>>18037212
Mostly because I'm a straight girl, married to a guy.

Good girls flirt. I flirt with my husband all the time. I obviously don't flirt with other dudes, but I guess you don't even know what flirting is.
Laughing at a joke isn't flirting. Looking at someone's face isn't flirting. Holy shit, you're completely rude if you don't look at someone who is talking to you in the eyes. Being nice to people isn't flirting.

>>18037216
It was a completely sexual joke and really inappropriate.

By looking I meant at unacquainted men. The girl autists in this forum, I swear.

>>18037216
some ppl have weak wills
if they know they do they dont tempt themselfs
thats what he is saying
you dont, because you are loyal
some ppl arent that loyal but they make an effort not to go stray

>>18037224
My god, my grandma makes sexual jokes.
Pretty much every person you ever interact with fucked before, it's not like making a joke about sex is inappropriate in an informal context.

If someone says something that makes me laugh, I will turn around and smile - worst thing that can happen is they introduce themselves and ask me out, and I will reject them. Not exactly rocket science.
It's not like you have to go autistic because you have a boyfriend.

>The girl autists in this forum, I swear.
Said the guy who thinks it's inappropriate to look at a stranger if you have a boyfriend.

>>18037228
I don't know, in my (admittedly limited) experience it takes a while to go from looking at a guy and sucking his cock.
I wouldn't have a male friend over when I'm home alone, but if I have to spend 5-10 minutes alone with a person (while queuing, smoking, waiting for something, etc) I will most likely talk to them, even if they're guys.
It's just a matter of normal niceness.

>>18037232
>Said the guy who thinks it's inappropriate to look at a stranger if you have a boyfriend.
>t. an ugly, rationalizing, roastie ho

When guys start falling in love at first sight with you then you can make that assertion.

>>18032626

I just want to say that, even though I'd probably hate your guts if I were your ex-husband, from the perspective of not being your ex-husband I don't think you did anything wrong. It doesn't sound like you deliberately strung him along or betrayed his trust. It sounds like you were unsure/in denial of your feelings for a while and when you figured it out and decided you were sure, you were upfront and ended it. That's the best anyone can do I reckon.

>>18037233
>When guys start falling in love at first sight with you then you can make that assertion.
Why? What happens if someone is attracted to me?
If they hit on me I reject them. Problem solved. It's not that difficult to reject a guy. Takes 3 seconds to tell someone "No, sorry - I am in a relationship".

I'm not ugly, I am slightly over average in terms of looks. Decent body, cute face.
Not a roastie, as I said I'm married and he's the only person I've ever been with.
I just don't think you need to go autistic to be a decent partner.

>>18037241
>Why? What happens if someone is attracted to me? If they hit on me I reject them. Problem solved. It's not that difficult to reject a guy. Takes 3 seconds to tell someone "No, sorry - I am in a relationship".
I knew you'd miss the point and fail to see what I was saying. It's not about whether you in a relationship reject a guy. Wrong. It's about if you were single and could elicit those feelings in guys already in relationships easily, just by them looking at you.

Don't take the term roastie too literally. It's an attitude. Not someone's past.

>>18037247

fgnggjjhhnkfjladfjccvbnvbksdeuto

>>18037247
So I shouldn't look at guys because there might be a chance they have a partner and by looking at them I will start a landslide of feelings that will lead to them cheating on their wives and leaving their kids.
Because guys have clearly no self control and can't have a 20 seconds interactions with a woman without getting feelings for her.

Yup, you're autistic as hell.

>>18037257
There's a reason the term is *falling* in love.

>>18037259
Wanting to stick a dick in a pussy isn't love. You cannot feel love for a person just because they look good. It's just attraction. Which is a very good foundation for a romantic relationship, but isn't love.

>>18037266
I don't think that's correct, but assuming you're right you sure as hell can feel infatuation and that still causes relationship problems.

>>18037296
I don't know any mature, adult relationship that is bothered by a small infatuation for a stranger.

I've been with my husband for over 10 years, I met a decently large number of attractive guys during the years and never, not even once, my relationship was in trouble because of it.
If your relationship gets in trouble because a hot girl smiled at you in the street, you should be concerned about the quality of your relationship, not judge the hot girl for not being a good girl.