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Anonymous
I was the monster the whole time? 2017-02-07 01:45:49 Post No. 18027326
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I was the monster the whole time? 2017-02-07 01:45:49 Post No. 18027326
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My heart is bleeding right now /adv/. For 5 years I loved a woman and she didn't love me back.
Every year I would do something I thought that would make her like me or even love me. Every year she would turn me back.
I got a good job, she would turn me back. I got a nice car, she would turn me back. I improved my appearance, she would turn me back. I gained experience, she turned me back. I loved her so much but I couldn't see why she wouldn't like me.
Then I heard a song called "A dream that cannot be" and it made me realize that this whole time.. it was just me. All the shit I tried changing and it turns out that I was the monster pestering her this whole time. 5 years. The WHOLE fucking time. There is a lyric in the song that goes like this and this portion is sang by a female:
"You can't see that I am free. My life is mine, not yours. So leave me be."
Song is about unrequited love and it made me realize that this woman doesn't love me and probably won't love me. However, if this is true.. then my purpose is diluted. My life for the last 5 years was a wash.
I am actually in tears right now from this song because I just don't know anymore. What have I done? What do you do when for the last 5 years you have been haunting someone thinking you were just trying to get them to like you when in reality.. you were probably stressing them out?
I never thought of myself as a monster. I believed myself a man that would stand up to monstrous people or wicked people. I can't even look in the mirror anymore because things that I staunchly believed about myself are now a lie.
What do I do now? I was the monster the whole time.
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you're a super creep
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you're not a monster, just a man who took a little longer to grow up, and thats okay.
your last five years aren't a wash if you keep at it. a woman only makes you a 'better man' if you're still 'better' when shes no longer around. otherwise she only made you a fraud.
will you continue becoming the best version of you that you can be?
the most important thing to take away from this experience is that your life shouldnt be built around romance, even if she had liked you, its not healthy to base your life around the most fragile of human relationships.
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>>18027326
Good on you for realizing that! Now realize that the you moving forward need not be the you of the past. Resolve to be a better man.
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The only thing you really can do is forgive yourself and move on. From what it sounds like, you really didn't do anything other than coming off as creepy. As long as you've learned your lesson, it'll all be fine.
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>>18027326
>improving for girls
Since when did you do something for yourself?
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OP Here,
Honestly, the most painful thing for me is that even if I resolve to leave her alone. She will be on my mind. I can't remove memories. Now I fear the thought of her will haunt me just as my presence probably haunted her.
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>>18027385
It goes in time. I was there once, not as bad but similar-ish.
One day I found a new chick I liked who was into me, it changed.
The moment my dick penetrated her pussy I couldn't even remember the old girls name
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>>18027385
You're right, you can't remove memories. However, you can make new ones.
Move on anon, that's the best thing for you to do. You'll find someone that'll give you true happiness. That day might be a long way away, or it might be tomorrow. The future that lies ahead may be very dark and full of more tears and sadness, but it also might be nothing but joy and happiness from here on out.
Like others said here, learn from this, and move on. You'll be fine.
Good luck, hope everything works out.
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