Suicide -- please help

>>18026962
Serves you right, horsefucker.

okay what do you need advice with?

>>18026962

maybe stop focusing on what oyu have, and focus on what you can get.

>>18026971
definitely this

i need advice on what i should do. I try my hardest to make things right and to make myself happy, but everything backfires

>>18026971
Isnt it supposed to be the other way around? what do you mean?

>>18026970
I need advice on what I should do. everything i try to make myself and others happy just doesn't work out.

>>18026998
focusing on what you don't have (a family that is loving, respect in the community) will make you miserable for sure. focusing on what you can get (love, guidance, purpose) has the potential to make you optimistic and motivated.

>>18026991
it would serve you to be more specific

>>18026998

nah. cuz OP is acting like he CANT get the very basic things like a connection with a human. he insists that because he doesn't have it now, he wont get it ever.

in some cases focusing on what you HAVE is good, but if OP is being honest, he doesn't have much. he shouldn't just settle for his life, he should work to build something new.

>>18027003

what have you done?

>>18027007
I try to focus on those good things, love and guidance, and it is like waiting for a gift that will never come. It brings me an uneasy feeling of dread that it will fail, as most things do, but i will try to stay optimistic while i still live

>>18027012
I am being honest. and i am trying to make something good out of what i have, hence going to college, but i am just on probation now, perhaps I wasnt meant to go there

>>18027013
I have made gifts for people. I bought a nice girl from work something that she wanted for months. I didnt really expect anything in return but she just ignored me the following days at work. I have forgiven my brother and my mother for being so rude to me as a child, but the last time i saw them, my brother flipped me off and didnt say a word to me, and my mother told me i was a demon

>>18027021
you're probably personality disordered (this is not a clinical diagnosis, obviously). growing up with parents who do shit like you described causes a lot of mental and emotional issues.

It sounds like you have some dramatic and accidentally manipulative traits. Stop talking about killing yourself unless you actually mean it. Not wanting to be miserable is fine enough. We're not your fucked up senpai - you don't have to threaten suicide for us to act like you matter.

and so long as you want to be defeatist, you'll be defeated, so either stop being defeatist or stop complaining that your life blows

and get therapy please

>>18027029

>i am just on probation now

why? what were you studying. paint us the picture.

>maybe i wasn't meant to go there

this is kind of what leads me to believe you dont actually strive to be happy, you just wait for happy things to happen, like a guy who insists he wants nothing for his birthday than makes a thread talking about how no one threw him a surprise party for the 10th year in a row.

>>18027037

>i didnt expect anythign in return
>and yet i did, because im upset by not getting anything in return.

mhmmm.

>i forgave my brother and my mother for being so rude to me as a child

but did you also ask for forgiveness?

again focus on waht you can get isntead of waht you have. you got a gift for a girl because you were into her. she realized this and got out of that situation. that wasn't some nice thing you did just to be friendly. its something you did to make a move.

your family is what you have, and it sucks regardless of if you're the hero or the villain. im there too and it sucks, but you can go and craete your own family.

think about what oyu actually want to do, and start your plans today. all it really takes for a good time is to have somewhere to go and people to talk to.

>>18027043
i have gotten therapy, many times. i think i spent around $600 in total. nothing helped. i really hoped it did

>>18027048
>
besides people on the internet, i dont have very many people to talk to

>>18027070
okay ur just defeatist so bye. you can come back when you have decided you are ready to succeed

>>18027077
can you explain then?

>>18027048
btw i was studying computer science. my gpa was.08 below a 2.0

and look.. im sorry. i am trying. i promise i will strive to do better

>>18027087
oh so you were just asking me to further explain? why not just say that.

there's (practically speaking) an infinite number of
>therapists
>methods
>timing
>ways to fund it

your past experience is valid from an emotional standpoint, but from a logistical standpoint it hardly matters as anything more than a lesson learned.

>I spent $600
yeah, don't pay large copays or out-of-pocket unless you are loaded

>>18026962
Don't be such a fucking cliché.
>oh hurr durr he killed himself on valentine's day like a total loser kek

Kill yourself now, or after the next minor holiday

>>18027095
im sorry..

>>18027095
>>18027105
it's 4chan nobody needs to apologize to anyone

did you read the full content of my post? basically one experience with therapy doesn't reflect all of the therapy possibilities that exist.

>>18027109
please, just tell me what i should do

>>18027115
seek quality therapy. try to be less extreme. try to focus on what can be achieved, instead of on things that suck.

>>18027115
>>18027119
>try
>try
no actually just do it. trying is not gonna be enough in itself.

>>18027119
thank you.. and i promise you i have been trying. I will try more

>>18027128
>>18027126

the therapy options are difficult. it's a catch-22 because having mental issues means making less money, and making less money means having significantly lower quality therapy.

if you're in the US you might need to find a therapist taking shitty insurance (including Medicaid) as a pro-bono goodwill kind of thing. Then they might have some skills. You can also get help from psych professors in training, for lower fees.

as for focusing on what can be achieved, I know that is difficult, but do it. it sounds like your life experience has been a hot pile of shit and it's about time you claimed some good experiences for yourself.

>>18027126
im sorry, alright?

>>18027133
thank you so much. i will try to focus on what can be achieved

Your family is shit.

Try to keep an even head and work on improving yourself/meeting people/doing new things. The great thing about being mentally and emotionally numb is being able to take risks without really caring too much about them (the sort of "so what?" effect that such fatalism provides).

Its better to be numb, keep your head down, and make progress (leading to happiness: friends, good job, hobbies, SO, etc) then to just end it. Things can and will turn around.

Also, fuck your family. You'll need to work on building your own social circle, but you deserve better than that/them.

>>18027143
I'm just letting you know. The machine doesn't care who has emotional issues. That's why you threaten suicide. Succeeding is the only thing that's gonna work for you, not just trying.

>>18027155
What are some things you want in life?

>>18027164
i really hope you are right. thank you

>>18027076

>besides on the internet, i dont have very many people to talk to

so? fix it.

>>18027168
alright..
i want to create an new way to code computers. I want to love others and be loved. I want to help design cars, movies, buildings, cartoons.. i want to grow plants and study them. I want to do many things

>>18027180
I imagine you'd be a good botanist or director. Programming is good money. If you can stand that type of work, definitely capitalize on it.

>>18026962
>I am seriously considering ending my life on Valentine's Day.
Picking a day that has some sort of meaning means that you're just a faggot who wants to cry about life. Go get some help. If you really wanted to kill yourself, you wouldn't need to wait till valentine's day to make some sort of point, you garbage tier faggot

>>18027179
I have done my best to do that. and i have failed

>>18027180
>>18027189
When you're around constructive, more functional people, they won't have reason to say malicious shit to you outside of a church. It's time to move on, to greener pastures.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hwAtGNNyX6c

>>18027194
who cares. try again in a new way.

>>18027202
I will. if you have any more advice at all, I would love to hear it

>>18027197
im really confused.