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Is this person controlling or is the problem me?

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I have someone in my life who every single time I exit the house, they want to know where I'm going, and then ask me to do something for them.

They aren't big requests, but I feel anxiety over leaving my own house now because I know there is a string attached just to leave my house. They are reasonable small requests, but it's just that it's every single time. Is this person controlling? Or is it just me resenting it, and something I have to work on for myself?

I'll give you an example:

If this person sees me leaving the apartment for the vending machine they'll ask 'can you get something for me too?' they'll even give me the money. So it's not a big deal, I'm going there anyway. But the trick is, it's every SINGLE time I leave the house for any reason.

If I'm heading off to the store, "could you pick something up for me too?" I can't get out the door. They'll even chase me down the hall and make their request. I pay for that often, but they're willing to pay for it, they just want it done for them.

This extends to pretty much every single time I want to leave the house, even including visiting a friend or whatever, they might make some kind of request of me while I'm out, or something related.

This is an adult, who is perfectly capable of doing these small things themselves. I don't ever ask them to do this sort of thing for me, for example if they went to get something from the vending machine and I wanted something too, I would just go too, or go after them and get what I wanted. I don't even think twice about asking them.

Am I abnormal, do I just not ask people to do things for me as often as other people do?

Is this normal/does this happen to everyone? Is there something I need to work on in my personality?

Or is this person subtly being controlling? Or what?

None of the requests are unreasonable (usually) or put me out of my way that much, or sometimes at all - like going to the vending machine or store. I'm going there anyways.
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>>18026500
It's just you. You're overthinking this.
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Additional Info: The few times I say no, I feel guilty and a little afraid of the repercussions because this person sulks or makes some kind of bitter comment.

Not an over the top comment, but like I think I can feel they resent me for saying no.

Is it because I'm unreasonable? They do some things for me, not things I ask, but without asking they do some good stuff for me. So am I being stingy?

And that's why they feel resentment towards me when I say no? Or do they feel resentment just because I wouldn't do what they said?

I rarely say no I almost always do what they ask, I've actually only just started saying no to them every now and then. But every time I do I feel guilty/off balance because of their negative feeling that I feel coming off them when I do it. I'm also afraid of jeopardising the relationship over something so small, if I'm the one being unreasonable.
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>>18026570
this >>18026510
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Hmmm.
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First of all, never expect anyone to actually read your problem and put time into answering it on 4chan, it just doesn't happen.

2ndly, you could be and probably are getting answers from 15 year olds who know nothing about the subtleties of language, let alone about living with someone who is manipulative.

Judging just based on what you've written here, I would say you are dealing with an at least mildly controlling, and somewhat manipulative person. Or at the very least, selfish.

Here are my clues:

1. You emphasized 'every single time' more than once. No, that's not normal that every single time you leave the house, someone wants to do what you're doing, just so they can see if there is an opportunity in it for them.

2. You said they were small things this person can do for themselves, once in a while this is normal relationship, but always? It is not. Normal adults don't do this without a good reason (ex: physical disability.)

3. The fact that you said you don't ever ask them to do these kinds of things for you is abnormal. This indicates that you're afraid to ask them to do something for you, even small things, in the same way that you do things for them. Which indicates that they probably have no trouble saying no to you, and that no may be their default answer to you. Which is unbalanced and unfair, unless again they are disabled.

4. Just the fact that you're asking about this seemingly unimportant mundane question tells me that it's something more than what it seems on the surface, most people don't ask advice over small things like this unless they feel something is wrong which you confess in your follow up information.

5. The few times you say no you feel guilty and afraid of the other persons emotion reaction. This is NOT normal to small requests. In indicates you're afraid of losing this person, over something, it suggests they may be emotionally punishing you for saying no, even to small things that don't matter.
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6. You confess that you rarely say no and almost always do what they ask and that you only just started saying no to them every now and then. And then you say you feel guilty and off balance because of their reaction to your no. Which they obviously don't feel from you, since they aren't afraid of asking you for things. So this does hint that they are emotionally controlling.

7. When you leave they chase you down the hall to make sure their request is heard - just an added hint things aren't right when taken in with everything else.

8. You confess that you sometimes pay for the things they want, without taking their money for it despite that they would pay for it. This suggests that you are not an unreasonable person.
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Typo: 1. Wants to *know* what you're doing, just so they can see if there is an opportunity...
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I've known 2 highly highly manipulative people in my life OP. Asking me to do small favors, all the fucking time, is what they have in common. If it's no big deal it's no big deal. On the other hand if you're late or don't have the patience or even getting bothered by it you gotta draw the line .
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>>18026689
>>18026690
The Overthinking 2: Electric Bugaloo
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>>18026707

Why bother commenting if you aren't going to actually help? Just saying 'overthinking' is not advice.
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>>18026745
Stop overthinking it. Does this person owe you anything? No. Are you obliged to do whatever he asks you to do? No. Are you responsible for his pouty behavior? No!
And on top of that it's about someone asking you to go to the vending machine/store! I've watched soap operas with a more interesting plot!
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>>18026500
my mother makes me turn off the light that shes five feet away from, consider ur self lucky.
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>>18026754

"Are you responsible for his pouty behavior?"

Not responsible, but have to live with them, so it still affects my life. Thanks for the advice though.
Thread posts: 14
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